Is this interesting?

Question

Im 12 and im working on a story. I know the grammar or spelling isnt that good but like i said im only 12 and i was just writing caus i was really bored. tell me what you think and give any suggestions. i know it seems long but it really doesnt take that long to read. its not finished yet either. thanks

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut u-"
"Jamey, Jamey its ok stop yelling. Whats wrong? Is everything alright?"
"Fine everythings fine."
" Would you like to see the guidance councelor? I think you should i will right you a pass." Im glad she wrote me a pass. Every one staring at me, people laughing not knowing whats going on. I know im not going to tell her anything, i know what she'll think. She'll think im crazy and send me to an insane asylum and i'll never get to see my family or do anything i wished for. Its not that big of a problem it'l go away i know it will. I took the pass and headed down i stared at it, it said i was being disruptive, that ***** shes our first target! NO NO NO! Thats why im in this situation in the first place because of thees stupid thoughts. I screamed out in class because it wouldnt stop telling me things that i didnt want to hear. They hate you. Kill them before they kill you. It kept talking to me and i didnt know if i was imagining it or if it was real. I have dreams too, thoughts, and things i didnt used to think about. I can control everything exept the dreams and the voice. I havent told anyone yet. I dont plan on it either. The problems started out small, i got nervous when people talked to me, stared at me, were laughing. I didnt know if it was about me or not so i would get a panic attack. I read about them online so i just kept calm usualy asked to use the restroom and stay until it stops. Fortunatly its only a lasts a short time. When ever i see certain things like a cut or blood or some one getting hurt i get it in those kind of situations too. My familys fine. I dont get beat or yelled at or fight with my sister. Mostly because my parents are usualy at work or out. And my sister whos 15 doesnt really bother me or she is with a boyfriend. Im always in my room which has a tv and computer in it so it keeps my mind off of certain things. I walked into the guidance office and gave the pass to the lady at the desk. She pointed to a door and said "You can go in." I walked in and took a seat nearest to the door. "Hello Jamey Raich, how are we today?"
"Good." I said with a little smile.
"So your teacher called me and told me you were yelling shut up over and over again when no one was talking to you. What was going on?"
"Um.." I couldnt think of what to say. "I dont know what happend i just started yelling. Im real sorry i didnt mean to."
"Its ok dont be sorry. Is everything ok with your family?"
"Yes everythings fine." I was getting annoyed and i could hear the voice again.
"Ok well i will give your parents a call and let them know what happend."
"Ok." I was really nervous and i was picking at the seats thread.
"I usually dont do this but would you like to go home for the rest of the day?" I couldnt believe she said that.
"Yes." I said quickly. So she called my house and i looked at the clock. The maid should be there she should come pick me up.
"Ok some ones on there way. But remember if theres anything you want to talk about all you have to do is let me know."
"I know." I said with a smile and left to get my stuff.

Answer 1

Its too long to read here..I know that

Answer 2

that's pretty good for a 12 year old. Advice? If you really wanna be a writer, READ LOTS OF BOOKS. Keep writing. Focus on developing your observational skills, especially with respect to human psychology. And of course the old cliche, write what you know. Also, remember, 'the best literature teaches us something about what it is like to be human.' And finally, good luck.

and don't listen to the person above me. Third person perspective is in no way superior to a first person perspective, It's an author's choice. 1st person perspectives are generally considered more intimate, although limiting to an author's ability to be omniscient regarding other characters. Some of the best books ever written have been in the 1st person. So I will add this piece of advice: ignore people who can't justify their opinions.

Answer 3

WOW!! Really, I mean that. That was very good and I love the whole theme of it,kept me reading and wanting more. I love the way you wrote it,how it kind of jumped,but smoothly. VERY GOOD I MEAN THAT. I would love to read the rest,and I hope you keep writing it,no matter how long it is. If this is for school,you got a definite A+

Answer 4

It's a good start. You are a good writer. My suggestion is to put in several battles between him and the voices, keep it suspensful. I would like to see the finished story too.

Answer 5

i actually really like it! Write more! i like the beginning....well done! It's the kind of book i would like to read too.

Answer 6

Here's your props. Good job! Read some more and e-mail to me if you want!

Answer 7

the story its self is good but try to write it in the 3rd person as in instead of saying 'i ' use a chracter and say he or she

Answer 8

WHOA! Im sorry but, I can't pay attention that long. Where's the summary!?

Answer 9

Wow, i actually want to know what happens next.

Answer 10

That is really good! I want to read more of it.