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My wife confessed to me that she had cheated on me while I was in Iraq, while I admit I was extremely hurt I still loved her enough to not only forgive her but marry her because I believed her when she said it would never happen again. I believe she is completely faithful and while I have put it behind me I haven't forgotten about it, .......what can I do to show her I do trust her?

2007-03-19 09:43:01 · 11 answers · asked by armytrooper247 2 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

11 answers

It's not your wife you need to convince...it's YOU. And I can't blame you. She cheated on you. You were off doing your duty for your country--for her--and she cheated on you. You've forgiven...but it's impossible to forget.

So DO you trust her? Do you have reason to trust her, now? Your question suggests two answers:

YES, you trust her, or you want to, because (apparently) you married her AFTER she confessed to you.

YES, you have reason to trust her...because she DID confess to you...and she left it up to you, then, to decide whether or not your marriage would proceed.

It's going to be tough to trust her 100% of the time. You already know she cheated once. You have some reason, then, to suspect that she may do it again. But this does not have to be a given. She must want you, she must have seen the mistake she made, because she had at least a couple of options other than making her confession to you--she could have simply broken it off with you, and/or she could have stuck with the other guy.

"Forgiving" and "forgetting" are not enough. Getting married is not enough. In fact, you are now more obliged than ever to make this relationship work, because now it is a MARRIAGE. You have made a committment to each other. I do not believe, as has been stated above, that spouses should "expect" each other to cheat simply because they are separated over long periods of time. This is too, too easy. If the relationship is strong enough, it should never even occur to either spouse that cheating is an option. A strong marriage makes two people into one. You must LIVE your oneness, whether you are together...or apart.

It's not easy. It's not easy even if you started out absolutely faithful and never strayed at all. You two are starting with an enormous handicap, and a military marriage is even harder. It would do you no end of good to find a good marriage counselor and "start over." I mean that--FIND a GOOD marriage counselor--not just the first one who comes along, or the cheapest one. Find the marriage counselor who tells you, before you have to tell him/her, "I want for you a good, strong, wonderful marriage; I want you to be one, truly and lovingly and faithfully; I want you never to have to doubt again."

Good luck. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

2007-03-19 10:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by katbyrd41 7 · 0 0

I was in the military also. Honestly I couldn't expect my other to be faithful for a year (or more) while I was duing my duty. NOR did I expect myself to be faithful.

Face it both men and women have needs, and a year is a long time to leave them alone.

If you truely love her and she truely loves you, both of you will be reasonable. When you aren't taken away by duty for "whatever time "ya'll" agree upon then faithfullness is expected of BOTH, if duty call for a longer extent, then faithfullness is not expected of EITHER!.

Then again if it's "TRUE LOVE" you would only be concerned that her cheating is not taking anything away from you and "swinging or cheating or whatever you want to call it" wouldn't be a concern. What would matter is you and her. what you do or what she did or does outside on "ya'll" wouldn't be a concern.

In the end, if you really love her you will forgive her every time and love her for who she is without trying to "own" or "control" her and she will do the same for you.

Best of luck to you my "Brother in arms." Been there and felt your pain. LITERALLY!

As to you're question, be honest in everything. Be understanding of her desires, dreams, ect... tell her your's even if you think she will hate you for them and use them against you. You a Man and a rock in the field. At home, you're her baby and she is your's.

2007-03-19 17:07:32 · answer #2 · answered by Lonely One 2 · 0 0

Leave the subject alone. . Don't be too quick to indulge her and let your guard down.

Do a psych-ops thing. If you are deployed again, it is in your interest to have your extended radar be felt.

I know from my own standpoint, even the most loyal of females get lonely and want to feel beautiful. It is hard to give her attention when you are deployed.

Ergo, keep contol of your household.

2007-03-19 16:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by poweranni 7 · 0 0

The best thing to do is leave it in the past where it happened and go on...don't do anything to show her you trust her just tell her...I love and trust you with my whole being.....NEVER bring up the past.....look to the present and future. She knows you trust her you married her....

2007-03-19 16:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by Cyn 3 · 0 0

Dont do too much. She just might feel too comfortable and do it again. Just be yourself and love her the way u have always done. Tell her next time, if she feels like cheating on u, she must tell u, and u will join in. Dont let her get the better of u..... she already did once!!!!

2007-03-19 16:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by luvubits 1 · 0 1

It's not you who should be showing her that you trust her. It should be the other way around....

If you are trying to show her that you trust her because you want her to know that you do, it's all a matter of time and patience.

2007-03-19 16:50:51 · answer #6 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1 0

ummm thats real nice of u just let her go dont send ppl after her to check if she is cheating or not let her do what she does sooner or later everything will be out in the open

2007-03-19 16:53:47 · answer #7 · answered by Ofelya I 2 · 0 0

Sorry guy, I doubt you'll forget, maybe in time the hurt won't be as painful......as far as trust she's the one who has to earn yours.

2007-03-19 17:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 0 0

I would get a nice weekend at a bed & breakfast...that way you two can rekindle the fire and she doesn't have to do any cooking, cleaning, or think about anything else. MAKE IT ALL ABOUT HER!

2007-03-19 16:53:28 · answer #9 · answered by AdoptiveMama 4 · 0 0

Are you still enlisted? In my opinon, if you don't give her the attention she wants and desires, she will justify cheating again.

2007-03-19 17:37:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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