am i too insecure too have kids?!!?

Question

im 23, and i recentley got married. im very happy with my husband, and we have a great dynamic together. he wants to start trying to have children, and i think we should wait a year or 2 till were financially and mentally ready. he agreed and didnt make a big deal. but the real reason im scared of having kids is weight. im kinda chubby as is, and ive started to work out, but i know that isnt gonna last long. and im scared that kids will make me gain weight, and not be able to lose it afterwards. its so hard for me to lose weight, and my body is always up ad down 2-3 sizes, its never stable. am i being too insecure? what can i do?

Answer 1

Hello there, the good thing is you have started to be concious
about your weight and are starting to look into feeling and looking better, ...you should be happy with the way u look, even if a bit chubby...who thinks these skinny bulimic anorexic models are the ideal woman anyway?..A lil skin here and there is ok...do not be afraid! As to ..the pregnancy issue...be honest to your loved one, that is a must in all types of relationships always....that way u will feel much more understood and secure..and free with him...has to 2 b that way ..either way all the time..no lil lies..turning into big lies..and remember he loved you back then with your weight and still does now.....soooo give your relationship some time to mature to enjoy one another and then have the baby talk again...best of luck!

Answer 2

Wanting to wait a few years to become mentally and financial ready for a baby is a GREAT idea...however, wanting to avoid weight gain is a poor reason to put off pregnancy. Although, it should be a sign to you that you should definately wait to have children. If you are scared to have kids because of something trivial like weight gain then you absolutely are NOT ready to become a parent. You will gain weight, and you will have to work your butt off afterwards to lose it. But it shouldn't matter because that weight gain created a beautiful life and that baby will mean more than a nice body that looks good in a bikini. Your body is going to change and even more than that your LIFE is going to change.

Having a child and starting a family should be seen as a wonderful thing...your biggest concern shouldn't be the weight gain. Although I know it is tough. I am 22 years old and 30 weeks pregnant. It's hard to see that last year I was in college wearing cute low-rise jeans...now I am huge and have stretch marks...but I have let go of the cute, college body and realize that I'm getting something much greater in return, my daughter (and my husband still thinks i'm sexy too!)

I would wait a couple years until you are ready to accept the changes that will come with a child. You are probably not ready for them now (and that's ok! No one says you have to automatically be ready at age 23 after marriage...if you're not ready then that is fine!) Just don't get pregnanct simply because your husband wants to start a family...you BOTH need to be ready.

Answer 3

Only you can answer if you are too insecure to have kids or if you are ready to have kids. As for the weight issue, I'd ignore people that say that you are selfish because you are concerned about the weight gain. Believe me, you are not the only woman to worry about weight gain.

I am overweight and pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy so I didnt' have time to lose weight before trying to conceive. Anyway, while I'm not dieting per se, I do find myself naturally gravitating towards healthier food choices. I want to give my baby the best chance possible and if that means eating broccoli instead of hamburger, then I'm okay with that. Other women have different cravings adn that's okay too.

The main thing I'm focusing on (instead of my weight gain) is the mantra "9 months on, 9 months off" (from The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy). I already have a plan after I deliver to lose the weight, which makes me feel better about where I'm at not. Don't be fatalistic! You can lose all the baby weight!

Oh, and amazingly my self-esteem issues have melted away since I got pregnant. I no longer care about how big my *** because that *** is helping to sustain a life...if anyone has a problem with it, then it's just that - their problem.

Answer 4

Working out before, during and after the pregnancy is not a waste of time. There are special exercise programs designed for pregnant women and new mothers... check out a local YMCA if you have one.

If you want to not have a child because of financial or situational reasons.. then do not have a child until you feel comfortable in both of those respects... you are young! You have the world ahead of you, waiting will certainly not harm anything. However, if you want a child but do not want to gain weight then I think you might want to rethink it. Weight gain is almost inevitable - but it goes away with work just like any other time.

Answer 5

It's perfectly normal to worry about what having kids will do to your weight. My suggestion is before you get pregnant or start trying, find a healthy way of eating that works for you. (Notice I didn't say diet because that sounds so restrictive!) And exercise regularly...find something that works for you and keep up with the routine. Make your goal to be as fit and healthy as possible before you become pregnant. Don't focus on how much you weigh or what jeans size you wear. If you can, practice healthy eating and exercise habits for at least a year before trying to become pregnant, and continue those habits once you do become pregnant.

Keeping up with a healthy lifestyle while you're pregnant will help ensure that you don't gain too much weight and that the weight you do gain will come off after birth.

Answer 6

If you exercise now and continue an appropriate routine while your pregnant, then you won't gain an extreme amount of weight. You have to gain some, otherwise you will not have a healthy baby. Just don't use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever you want! You acually don't need to eat that much more. The weight gain is a small price to pay.

Answer 7

You can still work out while pregnant the whole 9 months. Its good for you and you wont gain so much weight pregnant. If you go up 2-3 sizes it sounds like you have an eating disorder that you need to control. Everyone freaks out about gaining weight just change your habits and you'll be okay.

Answer 8

I don't blame you for this at all!
I was nervous too. I would ask yourself this: how much do you want children, and if you want them, how far are you willing to go to have the healthiest pregnancy possible?
Losing weight now will make your pregnancy A LOT easier, and it will make it easier to exercise while you are pregnant later.I would also start saving money for the baby NOW. it's easier to do now then later.

I didn't want kids when I met my husband. Then I realized that I'd chosen the best man in the world, and we got pregnant 6 months after we were married. We're both so happy, it's amazing.
I had body image issues, too, that's why I'm exercising during my pregnancy. It helped with back pain, with appetite, even helps me sleep better.
Somethings to think about.

Answer 9

Your weight shouldn't be the reason you don't want kids. i would think you either want them or you don't, they don't control your weight you do, after you have them if your not happy -change your eating habits or go to a nutrionist or work out (dieting does not work that is why it is always up an ddown you have to change your lifestyle whether that be working out continuously or changing your eating habits).
my cousin was always a heavier set girl and after kids she was chasing them around and is now smaller than before-if that gives you insenitives.
kids and weight are not on the same line to worry about having them or not. i think you need to think about yourself and your life in general and what you want or don't want .
bottom line is if you do in fact want them then make healthy choices from the start-you can be healthy and pg and you can still exercise, if not or if your still not sure talk with your husband.

Answer 10

Try having kids now and then loose the weight and work out. If you get pregnant eat healthy so you wont get too fat. Thats all I can think of. I think having kids is great and it may also bring happiness to the family. Think twice about it because im sure your husband will still love you and its not like you CANT LOOSE THE WEIGHT. Theres pills and stuff to help you out also. Good luck!