I feel like my marriage is falling apart...?

Question

I am a stay-at-home Mom and have three kids ages 14, 3-1/2 & 1-1/2 that are a lot of work, causing a lot of stress and keeping us up at night, so I am tired, depressed, overworked, etc. In the meantime, I feel like my marriage is falling apart and don't know what to do about it. My husband is having to work two jobs so that we can make ends meet so we are both extremely tired in the evenings...but instead of coming to bed with me, he gets on the computer and plays internet games until the wee hours of the morning.
I am mad, I want him to come to bed with me. We have talked about this numerous times...he tells me that all I need to do is come downstairs and "entice" him to come up to bed - but I don't feel it is fair that it ALWAYS has to be me initiating things and after 10 years, I frankly am feeling like we are falling apart...any advice? Has this happened to anyone else? What would you do?

Answer 1

Sounds like the two of you really could use a mini-vacation!! I really hope this helps and things improve for you!

1. Ask you husband to sit down and talk to you and to really listen. Let him know how important it is to you. Talk to him about how you're feeling. Ask him to listen and then let him comment and listen to him.
2. I find this site helpful - www.fivelovelanguages.com - we had to read this for premarital counseling. Basically it says that we all speak a different love language. There are five - Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Recieving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Find out which one you and your husband "speak" and make it a habit to use them correctly.
3. Pray - don't underestimate the power of prayer.

Answer 2

First off..Pray & Start trying to make time for yourself even if for only 30 minutes a day. Then stop asking your husband for anything. Start fixing yourself up a bit every day..Dont say anything. Try to find someone you can swap baby sitting with for a few hours a week...I am sure there are other moms out there in the same boat. Join a gym,even if you only go once a week.Wear perfume every day. When its time for bed ---Put on a nice pj outfit and go to bed...In about a week see if he is acting any different..If not --time for a counceler...If he want agree....That computer may come up not working anymore...If that dont do it... I dont know what to tell you...

Answer 3

In a manner, YOU are the relationship manager. Men know NOTHING about relationships. We don't know what to do or how to do it. We don't understand emotions and if left to our own devices we would destroy every marriage we were in.

So, unfortunately, you are the relationship manager.

The first thing you need to do, as manager, is approach him and let him know with NO DOUBT that he is NOT holding up his end of the bargain in this marriage thing. You are both working very hard. You are both tired. But you know what else? You are BOTH RESPONSIBLE FOR THREE GROWING CHILDREN. That is ALL that matters, or should matter to you. When a married couple has children, it is as if they are saying "my life is no longer about me, and any selfish desires I have must be subjugated to the needs of my children." You have SACRIFICED YOUR LIVES for your children.

That is a huge responsibility. Are you up to the task? You are both tired, but you know what, WHO CARES? There are millions of people just like you that are making it work, just as there are millions that are not making it work.

Good luck with your marriage. I pray and hope that you have a lifetime of peace, happiness, and lessons - because that's what life is all about.

FP

Answer 4

i understand, you shouldnt always have to entice your man to come to bed, but with three kids he to wants some time to relax after a long day of work.consider finding a good job maybe at a school, then you can put the babies into a daycare while your older kid is in school. that can help with the stress and then your hubby could quit his second job and have more time to spend with oyu. i know finding a job can be hard but you might even look into a daycare, they give discounts on childcare and lots of them offer benefits now days.

Answer 5

well, first of all i would get my life organized that i am not dead tired all the time. and i would dedicate some time for myself to take better care of myself if i were u. how do u look? are u overweight? did u lose this extra fat after giving birth? what about stretching marks? cellulite? hairdo? clothes u re wearing? i also have 3 kids, and by the way, u have one almost adult - 14 year old kid can do a lot of stuff. i had 3 kids with much less age difference and still i had time to finish university and take care of my body that i lost weight after delivery and i look as if i have no children. so i have never had problems with men wanting me. and by the way, once i fell very very ill, i had a fever and couldn't get off bed, my hubby had to go n a business meeting which he couldn't cancel. so my elder child who was 12 at that time took care of me and his younger 2 brothers. he cooked and fed them. so don't tell me that u take care of your children single handedly - you have one big helper there

Answer 6

I too am a stay at home mom and I ask my husband about that he told me he needs to destress and when I gave him his space he now watches a show or movie before he goes to bed with me. You just have to have patience. Tell him you understand then tell him you will wait in bed for him. Eventually he will get the hint. It worked for me.

Answer 7

Do you really think he's playing computer games? He's probably chatting with some internet hoe bag all night. Get rid of the computer. PERIOD! They ruin relationships and marriages.
I know how you feel, men think that as soon as the kids fall asleep, it's time to have sex. THAT IS SOOOOOOOO NOT THE CASE!!!

Answer 8

He needs to get off that computer. I know, my wife played on it till wee hours of the morning, then she tells me she is leaving and she is and was gone. She ran to her internet friend, and had her a fling. That was 8 years ago.

Answer 9

You two are talking but nobody's listening... You tell him how you feel and what you need to be happy and feel alluring to him and he in turn tells you the same but it's not fair for him to tell you what he wants and needs? Time for some marriage counseling so you two can actually get the problems out in the open.

Answer 10

He needs to understand how serious you are about this. Tell him. Tell him that you need his companionship and support. And that includes going to sleep together. Really open up about it - your marriage is on the line.