how to be assertive & talk-back, if you're naturally NOT an assertive, or 'rebellious' person?

Question

I always have this problem, of not being assertive, because I care too much of other people's feelings (especially if they're close people like parents, family, or cousin-at-work) , and since i don't want to hurt their feelings, I often have to sacrifice my own self-esteem, pride , & opinion, by "following their wishes/wants, instead of my wants/dreams".
I hate this "guilty" feelings inside of me, one is because I'm just too scared to be assertive, and so AFRAID that if I'm assertive & talk-back, it'll make problems even worse, & especially the family-relationship get worsens . But on the other hand, i'm also feel "guilty" because I just kept 'torturing' my soul/opinion/self-esteem because I just OTHER people's wish/wants, & not mine.

And i often feel confused,....to be assertive (or 'rebellious, even to parents!?) , or not to be assertive, & just "swallow my pride" , so not to make situation/relationship worse ?

Which one you think is better, in the LONG-run, or eventually?

Answer 1

Just be honest with yourself before you speak. Be honest calm and mature not screaming or upset take it nice and easy. Never be dishonest over someones feelings if its the truth then thats what it is in regards to you. Remember to use tack or say nothing unless it hurts you then you can respond to how things make you feel without hurting anyone and if it does, well it is not you hurting them but rather you standing up for what you want and need out of it. Remind yourself that its not about how much it effects the other person, if you are hurting by it. Simply talk it out and get to your point. Explain what feels fair and unfair ask for a fair playing ground for discussion for understanding and tell them that you don't want to shut down and real love and family and relationships is about sharing and you are doing your part. You will come of great and mature and respectful too.

Answer 2

it really is ordinary to assert that 'Assertive does no longer make you a nasty individual' even if it no longer unavoidably make you a strong one both. it really is more straightforward to assert that conceitedness is often undesirable or that aggression has a tendency to be undesirable yet we could realize that there is a time and position for each thing. area of having alongside as a society includes recognising even as our behaviour is suitable and, if mandatory, modifying it accordingly. some people take delight in putting forward they have sturdy evaluations and continuously lead them to sparkling and are very obdurate and so on. those should be tremendous features for someone who's boastful sufficient to believe they are more advantageous powerful than everybody else or that they've a monopoly on actuality. Society (and our fulfillment interior it) relies upon to an excellent volume on reaching an lodging with others whose evaluations variety from our personal. personal strengthen is helped with assistance from an means to verify the different perspective and study from it. it truly is between the great factors of Yahoo solutions - you're certain an option opinion in case you strengthen an smart aspect. So having an opinion is a sturdy starting up aspect yet failing to envision it in the mild of valid counter arguments gained't be this kind of strong element. Assertiveness isn't a 'actuality', it really is an opinion of a persons behaviour. Others ought to carry a distinct opinion of a similar behaviour. in the journey that they don't love you for it, what are you able to study from that reaction ... about them or about you?

Answer 3

This answer comes from a woman who used to let people walk all over her, so take the advice as you wish...

It is all a matter of learning when to say ok and go with the flow and when to put your foot down... if you have strong feelings about something, then do what you want with the situation, don't let others walk on you! It won't do anything but bring you down. Once I learned to stand my ground on what I believed in, everything in my life started to change for the better.

Sit back and see what is going on around you and learn which situations are better to let others do their thing or when you need to stand up for yourself... it has to be a give and take, when you let someone walk on you, there is no way you can ever feel decent about it and that effects more than just that situation...

Ok, enough of my babbling! Good luck!!!

Answer 4

There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Rebellion is aggressive and usually gets you nowhere. Assertive is voicing your opinion but it doesn't mean you need to swallow your pride. If you are a teen living with your parents I suggest you be assertive with your thoughts and feelings in a non threatening manner. Don't scream or yell out to your parents. Try to be mature and tell them you are trying to discuss this as a mature person and would they please be considerate to you by listening without yelling back. Don't let anyone, even a parent, destroy your self confidence and self worth. But, join the club, we all have to assert ourselves to get ahead. good luck.

Answer 5

Live your life for you! You ARE entitled to an opinion or view even if it conflicts with a family member or friend. You don't have to be agressive just simply state YOUR view or opinion. If someone says lets go to the show and you really want to rent a movie...just say that sounds nice but I'd rather stay in won't you join me. Or that's a good idea but I'm just not up for it how about we do...and add your suggestion. Don't be afraid someone won't like you for not doing everything their way....you are not talking back you ARE letting everyone take advantage of your good nature to not go against the grain so to speak. You have a right to have an idea and to voice your needs, wants, concerns.....start being who you are not what they want you to be you won't lose a true friend trust me...YOU are worth your two cents .... put them in !

Answer 6

5 steps to better communication:

self awareness
personal motivation
self-regulation
empathy - ability to understand others and where they're coming from
social skills - build off of these to work WITH others

see what expert Stephen Covey has to say
http://coaches.aol.com/wellness/stephen-covey/voice.html?defaultTab=1&defaultItem=2

You can stand up for yourself and not demolish the other person. You can give your opinion and not put people down. So it is about combining this direct, honest communication while showing concern.

Answer 7

It really depends on what you are disagreeing about.

But overall you are the person that has to live based on your choices.
I would advise to talk it over and see why they are trying to influence you to do things their way and tell them what you want to do and why.
Discussion helps things greatly.
Then think and sleep on it. After weighing the choices choose which one you feel comfortable with. Remember that they can choose their own path to satisfy their own wants. Your choices to satisfy your wants. They may however have a clearer view of things than you do so try and understand their viewpoint.

Answer 8

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!ok i'll take it easy on you at first but Man Wake The F*** up!
these people who have influence over you only have it because YOU HAND IT OVER TO THEM.
the only opinion in the universe that matters is yours. get that straight and solid in your head first. really stop and have a twenty minute moment of realization. let it sink in. find out what your buttons are. to be manipulated easily you should have quite a few that are easy to push. eliminate these completely.resolve to develop a emotional wall from people who easily push you to tears or worse blind obedience. to become assertive you have to allow yourself to feel and display true anger. let it out. scream yell whatever it takes. that release will equate out to the rest of your personality. knowing always you could if you wanted to "blow up"... make sense? i dunno i'm no doc. maybe also try less thought more impulse!
maybe............ docs before have told me i have no impulse control @ all. i find that funny.
-m