Jealousy with Mother-in-law and baby?

Question

My mother-in-law was laid off about 6 weeks ago and has been taking my 6 1/2 month old son every day during the week as I work 8-5. Recently I have been feeling very jealous, i guess that is the right word, at what she gets to experience and I don't. It seems everytime I try to say something about him, she already knows it. I didn't have this hard of time when he was in day-care for 4 months, but I think that because it is her, I am. Has anybody felt this way and any advice to get over it. It may sound stupid but it eats at me that she "knows" my son more than me and I am worried that one day he is going to cry and want her instead of me!

I guess I do have issues with my mother-in-law. She tries to do things her way even though I want things done my way. for example, she gave my son cereal in his bottle, after I expressed my wishes to not have that done. She also will feed him whatever she wants, when I send the food I want him to eat to her. I am very grateful that he is with a family member, but I just worry that she is trying to raise him her way, not mine!

Answer 1

I think your feelings are completely normal... it's only natural to feel envious when another person gets to see your child do things first!

You mentioned you didn't feel this way when he went to daycare... How would you feel if it was your own mom watching him and seeing his new accomplishments first? Are there any underlying feelings you have with your mother in law? I'm not trying to pull a Psych 101 on you :), just thought that might be part of the issue...

Try to look at the situation objectively... Does your mother in law gloat about spending more time with your son than you do? If so, you need to talk to her... or if you don't have that good of a relationship, get your husband to talk to her. Even if she doesn't do it with the intention to hurt your feelings, you can't let it go on until it drives you insane.

It is an advantage that your son has individual care everyday instead of being in a daycare... that is one positive from the situation. And there probably will come a day when your son cries for her over you... My daughter cries for my mom almost everytime she sees her. That's just part of having a grandma, she spoils you a little and kids like that. Your son will always know that your his mother and will always love you...

Hope I've helped a little bit... Best wishes and good luck!

Answer 2

Well my mom watched my son for the first two years of his life and he is 7 now and he just wants mom (me)for every little problem. (Becuase I am the Mom and kids know who their mom is!)
You son is a baby he just needs love and attention. And the reason she knows all about the baby stuff is because she raised your husband. ( You married him and he turned out fine-I am assuming) So I would be thankful that someone is there and willing to help and give your son the time that he needs while he is a baby. You are not really missing that much because chances are if he rolls over at grandma's he will roll over for you too. Think of all the poopy diapers you don't have to change! That aways made me feel better. It is hard when you work and have a child but, it will work out for you just hang in there! Remember your mother in law is doing 1/2 the dirty work too.
Good Luck

Answer 3

I can understand the momentary feeling, but try not to let it sink any farther. You're very lucky that someone who loves and cares for your baby id watching him. Someone who will put his safety before her own. He will grow up a more loving boy toward you when he receives so much love and attention. A candle never loses anything by lighting another and so goes love. If he loves her that will just make him a more loving son too.
Be happy that your son is safe and learning the value of family bond. I promise you that this will only help him be a better son to you IF he never senses your very human feeling of insecurity. The fact that you'd be asking this question shows that you're a caring person who truly has her son's interest in mind and I can also feel a sense of not being proud of this feeling ALL of which are signs of a wonderful person. You're human, you felt a human emotion, but now that you've had time to reflect dismiss your feelings as unnecessary and counter productive to at least a couple of very important family bonds. Some mother in law's feel the same when their son's get married but if they put that feeling aside and never manifest it the son will come back with more love and admiration for the one who raised him. Normal feelings, yes but better outgrown for your own sake as well as your son's.

Answer 4

When someone else is caring for your child, whether it be a child care worker in a day care or a family member you have to be prepared to accept the fact that they are with your child at least probably 8 hours each day and will experience lots of milestones with your child. The child will also become attached to that person or people and may in fact start to cry for them too. That's just part of life and although it may be hard for you, you will have to either accept it or make the decision to stay home with your child. But, if you are like me, that isn't an option.

I am expecting and my mom is going to keep our baby while we work. I know that she will get to experience things with him or her that I don't and even though that may make me sad at the time I will just have to remember how grateful I am that the baby gets to spend his or her days with a loving grandparent rather than in a day care. Maybe you should just think of it that way too. Just be happy that your child is with a family member that really loves him even though you may have to push back some jealous feelings. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I agree with the first two responses. You have to come to grips with the fact that you are jealous of your mother-in-law
and her time with your son.
Jealousy is never a good thing, even if used to advance in a positive manner.
I would say be eternally grateful that you have someone close to you that you can count on that loves your son, (I would never consider letting my mother-in-law take my son due to previous family situations) rather than a day care facility.
(We did day care for less than a month, My newborn wound up with pneumonia and a 10 day stay in the hospital)
Right now, I stay home (in school) while she works, and she will come home after I get a good job.

Answer 6

OHHHHHHHHH have I lived this !!!! Honey, you have to work or you would not have your son at your mother-in-laws right? Feeling jealous is a normal feeling when it comes to your baby. The saying; LET IT GO is appropriate here. Your son is being taken care of a family member...not a stranger right? There are alot of Mothers out there that would love to have a family member take care of their babies. Be happy that a family member is loving your baby, a stranger would not give as much love. As far as your worry about your baby crying and wanting your mother-in-law instead of you..........I would not worry about that until it happens.......then think it thru and act accordingly. I wish you alot of luck hun. Blessings, Donna

Answer 7

I can understand the jealousy you feel. It is hard to be away from your child all day and know that someone else is getting to spend so much time with him.

Maybe the jealousy comes from the fact that you think she disrespects you and your wishes. You mentioned that despite your directions she does what she wants with the baby, feeds him what she wants, and seems to ignore your requests...the jealousy you feel may actually be that you feel hurt and disrespected, or you may feel that she believes your decisions and wishes aren't as good as hers...You may feel like she is putting down your mothering abilities and saying they aren't good enough by not complying with your wishes.

This could be completely wrong, but I know I would feel disrespected if someone ignored my instructions...as if they didn't believe my choices as a mother were good enough.

I would say talk it out with her! :) Make sure she knows how much you appreciate that she is caring for your son and you're glad that they get to bond but that you would prefer she follow your wishes concerning feeding, naps, etc...

Good luck!

Answer 8

Girl I know where you are coming from, I have a son that will be nine months old tomorrow, and I work two jobs, and I get to see my son but not as much as his father, my husband does, because he only works one job and makes twice as much as me. But although I don't spend as much time with my son as he does, he always (my son) lights up when he sees me, it may be 11 o'clock at night when I get in and he awakes and we may play until 12, he knows his mother, and this makes me so happy. My husband is a wonderful father and a perfect husband and I am proud to have him, with us being a young couple, you can't find a 22 year old man who will spend as much time with his child as my husband does, I'm so proud of him. But don't be jealous because your child will know you no matter what, as long as you spend some time to let your child know you care! Good Luck!

Answer 9

I have issues with the in-laws that are a little different than yours. Mostly because they live in another state and I don't have the issue with her watching my son. That being said.... everyone I ever talked to about my issues that I have with the "outlaws", always say the same thing to me..... your own parents can tell you things and get away with more than your inlaws and that's just the way it is. lol I can imagine how you feel and that does suck. I hope it gets better for you.

Answer 10

How about put it this way. You are working hard to support your family (someone has to work). Your mother-in-law knows everything about your son because she has experiences and had raised your husband. I wouldn't worry about my son being attached to my mother-in-law if i were you.....there is a special love chemistry between babies and their mother that none can be replaced.

Been there.......done that.