My wife says she always loved me but she fell in love with soom one else and it lasted 18 months. She said it was the happiest she been her whole live becouse all her needs were being meet. She stop when we got transfered out of state. Again it happen long time ago. I think see still loves him becouse one of our four children is his. She has always had a special attachment to him. When she finally confessed I could feel the loss and heart break in her voice.
2007-03-19 09:26:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Better question to ask yourself is Can you stay married to a woman who does not love you?
Based on what you wrote she is in love with the man she cheated on you with
2007-03-19 09:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why doesn't anyone ask easy questions any more?
The sad fact is, that at the time, your wife did not feel that all of her needs were being met by you. Your a great husband, a good provider, a steady reliable person and a dedicated family man. What she was probably missing was the passion of being hunted as a desirable woman.
This she was getting from the other guy and so she felt that she was getting everything she wanted although not from just one man. When the relationship ended she had her ideas frozen and still recalls the passion. The passionate phase of any relationship has a finite duration and for her it was frozen as that when it finished.
Of course she can love you and this other guy. She loves you for different reasons and in different ways. In her mind you are the ideal husband, the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with, he was the ideal lover who gave her attention, made her feel like a woman but didn't need his meals cooked and his cloths washed.
My problem is that intellectually I can understand the motive but I cannot understand why she didn't talk with you about her problems before finding her own solution unless she didn't realize she was dissatisfied until after it was too late to talk.
I know that I love my son, my wife, my ex-wife, my brother and sister in different ways all at the same time.
Thinking in terms of an analogy, you wife was enjoying a good diet at home but felt the need for vitamin supplements in order to be completely well. What she should have done was sit and talk about her dietary deficiencies and agreed methods to change the menu acceptable to everybody. She should have been arranging new menu's with you rather than looking elsewhere for snacks.
2007-03-20 02:52:36 · answer #2 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Scumbags are unfortunately capable of love, too.....
Whether it happened a year or 100 years ago, doesn't matter. She "said it was the happiest she been her whole live becouse all her needs were being meet" (sic). She only stopped because you moved.
Maybe she loves you, I don't know. But if this story is true, she is a remorseless, lying, conniving dirtbag. Sorry. I could never do something like that to someone I love, but I am not as selfish as your wife it.
2007-03-19 16:30:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Now tell me, Are you still with her because of the kids, or because you truely love her and couldn't see yourself w/out her? Because you too, have the right to be happy if you don't love her the same. I ofcourse don't know your relationship, but it sounds to me that you are afraid of being on your own.
And that's ok, we all want someone to love and love us back.
My husband & I were both unfaithful to each other (very very long ago) and we eventually figured out that we are the only ones for each other, and have been married for 15 years and have 5 kids!! We were unfaithful when we had 2 (him) and 3 (me)Kids. If we can make it work, anyone can. Even you! Good Luck to you and your wife, whatever you decide to do!
2007-03-19 17:52:03 · answer #4 · answered by LiLmama5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife wants her cake and eat it too!!!!! She wants you both and it is up to you whether you want to play second fiddle to a dream. Her feelings for you could not be much or she would not have cheated. She only stopped because you moved. When will the next guy come along. You deserve someone that loves you !!!!!!!!!! Do you think she will stop cheating? Once a cheater always a cheater. Just when will it happen again. I know I tried and my ex cheated on me at least 4 times that I know of, who know how many more.
2007-03-19 16:36:07 · answer #5 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES YOU CAN!
I have been there. I never acted on it but it has never been easy. I love my husband to death and yet I feel in love with another man.
I think she loves you very much or she would not be with you.
She went through something very difficult, a mixture of feelings, wanting both at the same time...
You can choose a lot of things in life but not who you fall in love with.
I think you can work it out. You are a GREAT GUY for still loving your wife and wanting to be with her after what has happened. Give her a chance if she says she loves you.
Remember: the same could happen to you! We are just human beings with lots of strengths but lots of weaknesses too.
Good luck! I hope this helps.
2007-03-20 08:10:44 · answer #6 · answered by ZackStar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to love two people at once. It is also very possible to fall for the person you are having an affair with...trust me I know. If she is no longer seeing him...no matter the reason, make the best of what you have. If she cheats again then you should leave her alone. Forgiving her the first time is ok but no more freebies after that.
2007-03-19 16:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by Shorty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You may think you are in love BUT you are not in the real kind of love with that person if you cheat on them and hurt them this way... This is not what love is supposed to be at all and why in the world would someone want to do this to anyone that they love in the first place? Wow this must be really hard on you to deal with and you have a big heart and must really love her for going through all of this and still loving and wanting to be with her in spite of it all.
2007-03-19 16:37:33 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is with you because she loves you as as family member and because of the children. Not necessarily a bad thing, life happends. The question is can you be with her and be happy? If you can, then live your life. If you are not sure you should go into counseling, either alone or together. Good luck to you.
2007-03-20 01:37:45 · answer #9 · answered by I'm Trying 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your pain it sounds like she may still love him. you should set her free so she can see if he is what she wants and if she comes back to you it will be because she loves you.
2007-03-19 16:37:46 · answer #10 · answered by bluemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋