Just Married... and The Lust is GONE?

Question

I've only been married a week and it seems like my husband has lost interest already. We dated 2 years prior and I tend to keep things "interesting" in the bedroom. I'm really starting to think it's me. My sex drive is insanely high, I wouldn't cheat, but there are times where I don't even want him to touch me. HELP!!!

I really love how people just read one sentence and run with it. Cute. For the record, our marriage is NOT based on lust. But sex is a part of it.

As for why I don't want to be touched, as of late he's so half-hearted about it, I'd rather him not do it at all. I don't want "just to shut her the hell up sex".... not yet, anyway.

I'm not going to divorce him.... jeez. You people sure fly off the deep-end.

I've tried all the usuals... the lingerie, the candlelight. I thought the reason the sex was slacking up prior to the marriage because his mind was somewhere else.

Answer 1

Give the poor boy a break, he may be sore. I can't believe the word cheat has even crossed your brain. Nor do you at this stage need to keep things interesting, nature takes care of that. Get busy settling into your home, get or go back to your job or schooling, do something other than obsess over the first week of allowable sex.
You have lifetime of it if you don't wear him out.

Answer 2

Could this be post wedding slump? That isn't uncommon.

Okay you have tried the usual romantic gestures. How about, not doing anything for a little bit. Yes you have a high sex drive, but I'm sure you could take care of yourself for a few days. Relax, a little, enjoy just being close to each other. Sex is only part of a physical relationship and just a smidgen' of a way to express affection.

Concerning not wanting for him to touch you. How you feel about him OUTSIDE the bedroom will affect how you feel about him INSIDE the bedroom. Also, how you think and feel about yourself will effect you in the bedroom. So what is going on outside of the bedroom that is grating on you?

Be very honest with yourself, and be prepared for answers that you don't like. Being married is different than just living together. A different mindset suddenly pops up after the "I Do". BUT, this is a growth period, and very good things can come of this if your willing to work on it and be honest.

I suggest two books for marriage help. They of course aren't the end all be all, but they were good for my marriage. They have good ideas and as with all things take the good and leave the bad. (Links)
The Five Love Languages
The Five Languages of Apology

Answer 3

when you were still living at your own homes, things were different. The excitement of the relationship was still there. And then, you go home.
Things are different when you're married. New responsibilities come up. Now you have to worry about your spouse, care for them, clean for them, support them.
Trust me, the "lust" will fade away. HOWEVER, the "love" needs to replace that. It's not always about sex. There's way more to a marriage than just sex. Just because there's no sex, doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Now, after a week, that's leaning toward the danger zone. Maybe he's realizing that he's no longer a free man. Maybe the marriage hype has finally hit him. Believe me, the first year will be hectic and crazy as you adjust to your new living styles. But, things will calm down and settle in.
However, you are married now. It's a two way street to make this work. Definitely talk to him.

Answer 4

Hey Girl...it happens. I'm married too, I got married when I was 19 years old (young) and have been married for 3 years/togehether for 5 1/2 yrs) and there are times when we just lay down and cuddle or he'll be in one room playing video games and I'll be in another room on the internet and you know what....that's ok. It doesn't mean that we don't love each other. I must admit that...yeah, we're not having sex as often or as crazy like we used to....and that's ok too. It changes a bit after marriage because it's not as exciting as knowing you can get caught. There are times when we do have that wonderful sex like he had before marriage. There are going to be times when he is going to really want it and your just going to be too tired. The tables will turn. Think positive. You have to take you're social life into consideration....like, does he work long hours? Does he go to school? Or are you guys spending too much time together? Give each other some space to miss each other....go out with your girls for a whole day and come home to him or let him come home to you after a long day at the park or something. It's very important that you guys give each other space....trust me..you don't want to get tired of each other that fast....it happens...it's normal. Marriage is not easy...and there will be fights and times you don't want him to touch you or talk to you and vise versa.....but in the end of the day it's worth it.....because the make up sex is the BEST! Good luck!

P.S. Try not to have too much sex....save it, make him crave it, beg for it and then let him have it.......because if you do it everynight...it becomes routine and it get's boring like a chore....best advice I can give you!

Answer 5

Maybe now that he has you he s not trying so hard to keep you satisfied in bed have you always been the one with the high sex drive ?He could be on a break after two years .I wouldnt stress back off for a bit once he sees your not following him around asking for some lol hell wonder why and come running things will work out sounds like you have a good thing.hope i helped.

Answer 6

I was doing good until your last sentance. If your sex drive is "insanely high" why wouldn't you want your husband to touch you. Isn't that what you want?

Ok. Understand now. I'm assuming that the two of you have been physical since before the marriage. Is there anything going on that has him distracted. Something at his job? Just from my experience, when a guy loses interest in sex, there is something going on that he is having to deal with, but doesn't want you to be worried about it, so he pulls away a bit.

Answer 7

I get the impression that sex was good up to the point of marriage.
You sound like you keep your husband very happy in that respect, so I would say that your not to blame.
But then again, I can tell you, there is no one to blame here anyway.
Your husband is having some kind of low point in his sexual drive right now, because of the highs of a wedding that just happened. All the hype and excitement to the quiet down period. Your in the quiet down period, and he is feeling a little low by it right now. Has nothing to do with you.

People tend to go on a roller coaster with their relationships....whether it be emotional or sexual.
And the both of you have really been up there on cloud nine many times I am sure.
The marriage and all the excitement has been a really big high. It would be nice to stay that high, but it is normal to expect a low after a wedding, for some people, which has nothing to do with their partners.

Your husband will bounce back I promise. Sounds to me like he has everything he needs in a woman sexually.
Because of this low right now, he doesn't feel that he can preform the way he usually does.
My suggest would be to tell him, you just want to lay naked with him and cuddle tonight or tomorrow night. Tell him, sometimes, you need just that, and your not in the mood for sex...ok, ok...a little white lie...but that way, there is no pressure on him to preform when he thinks he can't (doesn't mean he can't), he just thinks he can't.
If you take this approach, 10 to 1 tonight he will be able to preform and you will have a nice time, for sure.
And p.s.....I have heard men say over the years, it is always expected that they can preform, and that is not the case. From time to time, your husband won't be able to, for reasons that have nothing to do with you. But, like women, men get headache's too etc. etc. and just to feel up to it sometimes.

Answer 8

It could all be an instinctive thing. Humans, by nature, are not supposed to be with only one mate. Now that you are OFFICIALLY MARRIED, your husband is coming to the realization that you are the only person he will have sex with for the rest of your lives. He may not realize it, but it stresses him out: hense the lack of interest on his part.

It's nothing personal towards you- it's just a biological thing. It's something that he will probably get over but you may want to just give him some space. Let him desire you and remember why he married you.

Another wise word of advice: "I could have lobster every night of the week if I wanted, but I still crave macaroni and cheese."- something a man told me at a friend's wedding. You may be the hottest piece of **** for miles, but eventually your husband will crave something different. It's nothing personal and is perfectly normal for both men and women to feel. My husband goes through small phases of craving something different. What matters is that he doesn't act on it.

I used to take it really personal but now I realize that it's a biological thing and the fact that my husband doesn't cheat on me says more than if he didn't have the desire at all.

It's normal for a guy to be a little freaked out that he won't have different women to have sex with in the years to come.

Answer 9

Ok first and foremost lust is pretty much puppy love! You want love in a marriage! Get an annolement and get some help spare this man his feelings!

Then you should have specifed that in the begining revaluate why you married him! Get some marriage counseling! If its only been a week sense your married and you already see problems! Doesnt look so hot to me! But then again your asking for are opinions and your getting mad? Doesnt make sense ether!

Answer 10

It looks like a case of marrying the wrong person. Ive been married to my wife for 4 years. We dated for 5 years before that. With the exception of the occasional sex related argument our sex life is on FIYA. 9 years since our first meeting we still have sex every other day like clock work. Now that's love.