How do you get rid of your husband's dumb friends???

Question

So my husband has a childhood friend that still lives with his mom, drinks all day, smokes grass all day and here is the problem...he calls my husband EVERY DAY!!!! When my husband answers the phone he always invites my husband over to hang out and drink with the rest of the loser guys. I guess I am irritated because even though my husband complains about his friend calling all the time, he still goes over there and comes home super late!!! My husband doesn't even really drink! When he walks in and I ask him what happened and why he didn't call me, he says "Well, I figured you'd call me since I wasn't home yet and I felt that since you were already angry with me, I may as well stay out with the boys". My husband has an excellent job that he's been at for almost 7 years and we've been together for almost 14 years. We are having our first son most likely next week and I just don't know what to do...

Answer 1

you'll have to get rid of the hubby too.

Answer 2

If the friend is not directly causing you harm (not embarrassing you, calling you names, insulting you, etc.), then his seeing his friend is not a betrayal to you. If you force him to choose, this may drive a wedge between the 2 of you. Things to think about:
** Your husband is an adult-- he should choose what is best with his friends. If he complains and yet visits with this friend, then this is his choice and the complaints are shallow and meaningless since he chooses to visits (his feet have decided)
** Clearly this is your problem as he is not investing energy in getting out of the relationship. If you try to make it his problem, then your solution (trying to get him away from his friend) will now become a bigger problem between both of you, than the initial problem. IS THIS THE HILL YOU WANT TO DIE ON???
** Never, never, never try to control your spouse thru ultimatums... you may win the battle, but the war may be lost thru loss of affection, trust, understanding of you when you have a problem, etc.
** nag too often and he will visit his friend more frequently and for longer periods (or he may find new friends who won't nag him-- inclusive of females, which is where you don't want him to go!)
** Finally, what to do: Discuss the time issue, but say nothing about his friend being a loser (it's his friend not yours, he chose him, if you call his friend a loser what does this say about your husband's judgment and choices? Is this where you wanna go), talk about how much time you'd like to spend with him, how often and doing what (be sure and be positive and make a place to enjoy for him, as this may keep him home more). Set up a schedule if you have to, of times he will be home to help out and be a parent and lover. The issue is not really his friend now, it now becomes how you spend time together... madly in love or arguing over his choices! You decide.

Answer 3

"How do you get rid of your husband's dumb friends???" Get rid of your husband. The fact that you don't like this guy is just too damned bad. He has been a part of your husband's life since before you came along. Your husband has the right to friendships outside of his marriage that includes going out with "the boys" just as YOU have the right to go out with "the girls" if that is what YOU choose. Trying to force your husband to eliminate a childhood friend would more than likely put a major dent in your marriage, he would only grow to resent you more and more until eventually he wouldn't be able to stand to be with you...so, if you plan on ridding your husband of this friend you may as well seek a divorce lawyer now and get it ALL over with.

Answer 4

Maybe he feels the need to hang out with friends now, because in a week, he will have to play the role of responsible father, and he's scared? Plus, as long as your husband is not doing anything worse, cheating on you or about to lose his job, I wouldn't get so angry with his boys time. You know, he will not have that luxury for too much longer. Also, the more you try to get rid of his "loser" friends, the worse you will look in his eyes. I would compromise, saying he can spend such and such time with them, and you won't get po'd as long as he is home by this time or that time, and that he doesn't expect you to take care of the baby AND the household by yourself...

Answer 5

I am in the same boat. Men just don't think like women do. :(
He might be venting a little, or trying to "hang" while he can before the baby comes, it does not make it ok, I know, but men are strange.

Instead of trying to get rid of the friend, try to get closer to your hubby, tell him that you don't want to be alone all the time, and ask him to call if he will be late. Ask him how he would feel if it were reversed.

Maybe invite the guys iver on the weekebds, just set rules before they get there..no weed.........etc. or ask him to limit his hanging out to one night a week, and you go somewhere another night........
He oblviously has a good head on his shoulders..............good luck.

Answer 6

First, ask him why he goes over there. There's a reason but it could be anything from him feeling guilty about saying "no" to the fact that he really is having fun and it's something different for him to do. Tell him your concerns and ask him to compromise with you. You can't make him stop going over there if he wants to (it's a really bad idea to try).
If he's not doing anything harmful to himself or others then you both need to compromise.

This could also just be a phase. He knows the baby will arrive soon and is trying to get the partying out of his system before it's time to bunker down and take care of the family.

My husband went through a phase of helping this family with 5 teen aged kids who all worked for him. He would take them out to play soccer and go out of his way to drive them places if their mom wouldn't. I hated that he was out so late some nights because he was just "hanging out" and helping them work through some family problems. It was just a phase. Give him a chance to get it out of his system.

Answer 7

wow this is a mirror image of my relationship with my fiance...apparently men arent mind readers...thats what mine always tells me. if something is bothering you, tell him straight up. although this is one of those situations that probably isnt going to change all that much. going out less is something that can be arranged but hanging out with someone hes known for YEARS longer than you is not going to change nor should you want it to. my fiances childhood friend is one of my best friends now too. i was pregnant and i will say that my fiance sacrificed a lot during my pregnancy and even now when our daughter is 3 months old. things are hard when men feel like a woman is taking their friend away. theres pressure from the boys and whether or not we like it, men have to have that man time or theyll go nuts. personally, i send my fiance out of the house because he drives me nuts when i dont let him hang out with his friends. its a difficult situation to adjust to but youll get there. just give it some time :) best of luck with everything and the little one on the way...

p.s. ~ When that lil boy comes into the world, expect your husband to be around nonstop...babies have a way of making lives change

Answer 8

Get off his case.
Like you said it is a childhood friend...meaning that relationship is much older than your own.
Try the Love, honor, and respect part.
Or continue to nag at him and then wonder why he prefers hanging with the boys than hearing your nagging voice.
You 'force' him to do anything and you may just find yourself telling us about your absent hubby that left you just because you nagged him into wanting to chop his own head off.

Answer 9

wow man don't know what to tell you. are you sure hes at were he told you he was going. is he doing any drugs. how do you know that he didn't start drinking. keep an eye on him. i don't like this.you can sell your house and move. you can tell him no more after the baby. give him the boot. good luck

Answer 10

Ask him how much he values his family. If he gets caught over there and the police come can he be okay with missing out on being part of your family while he is in jail? He is putting his friends before his job and family and that isn't right. I would tell him it's me or the friends.

Answer 11

the friends are not the problem...your husband chooses to go hang out with them...he could just as well say no not tonight
ask your husband why he keeps going if he knows you don't like it.

be cool...