Is ther any chance that my ex (who is remarried) could work it out?

Question

We have been friends for over 20 years and dated off and on our entire young adult life. We married 5 years ago and had a Son but divorced one year later. We were both very stubborn and selfish and unwilling to make changes to make our marriage work. We went through the typical hate, anger, and dissappointment that comes swith divorce but we are both now much more mature. We have a WONDERFUL relationship with each other and are now best of friends again however, we have slept together a couuple of times in the the last few months. I know, I know, it's a terrible thing to do. It's just that we have a connection and I still think I'm in love with him and he has said the same to me. Are there any success stories out there in this situation. Please don't pass judgement...

okay, to those of you who think I'm a horrible person I can understand but I'm not looking for judgement from the 2nd wives out there who are appalled at the thought of their husband reconciling with his ex wife, just looking for an answer as to what the **** can I be thinking. Maybe I should have added that my ex and his now wife were co-workers and she was conveniently a shoulder for him to cry on in the early stages of the seperation. We had no chance of reconciling then as she moved herself into our house within a couple of months of seperating. I'm not looking for justification here, just heart broken and confused.

as to the "slut" comment, We have been divorced for 3 years and I have not slept with another man since. Don't get me wrong, I am a very attractive successful woman with plenty of opportunity to "slut" around but sex has ALWAYS been something that I've never entered into (no pun intended) lightly. I've NEVER had sex outside of a committed relastionship until now. Not a slut, just someone who knows she made huge mistakes in a marriage in love with someone who admits he made huge mmistakes.

ouch, I give. I have never used this forum before and wasn't aware that there are so many mean people. I assumed that I could get some well thought and well meant advice, not a character assasination. I am not proud of what I'm doing, I guess I just needed a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 1

On hindsight, have you ever considered that he might be sleeping with you so he can have his cake and eat it too? I understand your dilemma, however, I believe that you are now the "other woman" in the relationship. I know that you have a child together which subsequently makes it tough to sever your relationship. I do recommend you cease the sexual activity only because it is not fair to his wife. Easier said than done, yes. But it is the right thing to do.

You may be able to work it out - the answer to this question relies on no one else except you and your ex. Answer me this - since you have "rekindled" your sexual relationship, have you seen him put any effort into attempting to cut his ties with his wife to be with you. Have you talked about the possibility? If this has not occured, you may want to bring it up. If you are a smart person (and you sound like you are), from his answers you will be able to answer your question yourself not to mention know what his intentions are as well.

Best,

G

Answer 2

I'm not passing judgement, but do you want to be married to a guy who cheats? And how do you know that if he divorces his wife and marries you again, that he won't keep sleeping with her? Honestly, it's sad. I dated my first wife for 7 yrs before we got married. We were high school sweethearts. If we had seen marriage as a lot of hard work instead of "bliss", we'd probably still be together. And we had a child together, too. But truthfully, we are both better off. We both toyed with the idea of getting back together after the divorce, and yes, slept together afterward, even when seeing others. However, I've now been married for 14 yrs and the only reason it has worked, and my ex's new marriage has worked, is that we realized we had to move on. There is too much anger involved in divorce, even though ours was "amicable" -- no court battle, no violence, etc.
It would have just ended up in divorce again. I'm not saying thats what would happen with you two, but look how you're starting off. What happens the first time you are "suspicious" and he says he'd never cheat? Do you bring up the fact he cheated on his wife with you? Does he always wonder "what if he'd had a better chance with her" (if you hadn't interfered)? It's a very rocky road you are choosing. Watch your footing. Not a judgement, cuz I know the attraction of the old relationship. But it can be a nasty cycle. Right now, you can see all the good, like before you got married the first time. But remember, it's the wife who is stuck with the "whole person"... Give his marriage a chance. It doesn't have one right now.

Answer 3

No. His is your ex and re-married for a reason. Keep it that way. I understand (more than you know) how it feels to still be in love with someone, but it seems that the only time your relationship is "WONDERFUIL" is when the two of you are divorced. Right now, he is having his cake and eating it too. I am sure that his current wife is not aware of this horrible situation and maybe you need to put yourself in her shoes. Drop him like the bad habit he is.

Answer 4

I think that if you guys follow the rules of marriage which is making sacrifices and loving each other as well as trusting, understanding, making adjustments now and again everything is suppose to be okay. I think that compromise is something that your relationship lacked and you guys could work on it. For your own sake of happiness there are times that you have to be reasonable. If this is met then I think that your relationship could have a surviving chance and maybe even evolve into something immaculately beautiful!
Companionship is always wonderful!
Good Luck

Answer 5

I understand where you're coming from. I dated a man from the time I was 14 until I was 20. After we broke up we hooked up a few times and talked about getting back together. Then all of a sudden he had a new girlfriend. Even after he was dating someone else, he still wanted to hook up with me (not being with anyone at the time... unsensitively I did because I still loved him and wanted to be with him).

With that being said... you will always love your first real love. The love won't go away after time, but will change. Right now I am with the man I am going to marry, and it's not my ex! My boyfriend takes care of me and loves me, and because he loves me... he is with me. I still love my ex, but more on a friendship/sibling level.

In regards to our hook-up sessions, I was the one to put a stop to them. A point came where it didn't feel right to do that with him anymore (even though he was my first everything!). If the love is completely mutual you should be together, if he is hesitant and/or loves someone else enough to marry them you should play the field to see what great catch you can come up with. Sometimes love is funny that way.

Answer 6

This man is having the best of worlds, his ex-wife, and wife what were you thinking? Therefore, so what if you were married at one time he belongs to someone else now! If you do not think for one minute, he is not also having sex with his wife you are living in la, la land. If this is true that he still loves you, you need to give him an ultimatum! It is either you or her, but he cannot have you both it is that simple!

Answer 7

You have an incredible about of nerve claiming EITHER of you "loves" anyone!!!! Neither of you cares about ANYONE but your selves!! LOVE does NOT come from sneakiness, selfishness, lust, inconsideration of others feelings, total disrespect of marriage, AND especially from ANYONE who thinks acting like this is above judgment!!!! You two deserve each other because no one else should have to be involved in your sick childish game. You know as well as anyone that once the game stops you two cannot stand each other - I pray at least one of you wises up and gets some professional help before you cross that one person who just might have their own game.... and YOU loose this time around!

Answer 8

Little does hubby know that he's in an Open Relationship and now he's a cuckold while you explore your lusts with the back door man. You're ex obviously knows it's nevr2late for a booty call and that's all you will be for him. Time to be honest with yourself and the men in your life cause this foolery will eventually get some one hurt and there ain't no success story in that.

Answer 9

Ouch... his poor wife. You need to tell him to chose you or her now! NO MORE CHEATING!

See if he loves you as much as he says, or if he just isn't ready to move on, or maybe he is just using you for sex.

Tell him to either divorce her now, or lose you forever. If he chooses her, lose contact with him, no more being friends. I know that sounds difficult but nothing about this relationship sounds easy.

And yes, it could work out. I know a woman who was divorced for nearly 12 years, returned to her ex, and they are back together and happy.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

Yes. There are many success stories about people sluting around with their ex husbands when they are already re-married. Time after time after time I hear stories of such wonderous success in this very situation. And the best part...........it provides a wonderful, stable home for the child.