My father died 5 years ago.?

Question

I feel out of my mother, and my brother and sister that I am the only one who has not moved on. He died by accident after a surgery and I feel frozen in time. I become obsessed with him. I make scarpebooks of all his pictures, I have his pictures in a locket. I dream almost everynight about him. The dreams haunt me all day long. In my dreams, he is always trying to communicate, but never speaks. He writes notes or shows me what he is trying trying to say. Althought I never completely understand. And there is always water, I dream of water everynight. Always floods or tidal waves coming at me. I feel so lost and unable to move on. I feel as though I have to memorialize or honor him or everyone will forget. How do I get myself to grieve? How do I live my life and not forget about his?

Answer 1

Hey Sport
I don't have the "magic bullet" here
but I do have something for you to think about
You have this "thing" about memorializing your Dad and making his life remembered and one that counted for something--- right ??----Okay-- listen up---YOU are his
memorial !! You are a part of what he was and you are OF your father--- the best way that you could ever do the right thing by him and the life HE had is to live YOUR life and make it count for something-- in that way YOU get the best of both worlds--- you are honoring your Dad with a life lived well and put to a purpose--- and you are doing yourself a favor by getting back to a life that has prospects and rewards for YOU from what you make of it !!!!

Honor your Dad by making YOUR life count--- there could be no better memorial--- and it is what he would want you to do-- you don't think he would want you to be some reclused worshiper of some bygone era do you ?? I think not--- so-- get up-- get out--- and get on with things and make your Dad's memory proud !!!!

Answer 2

My father died in college (11 years ago) and it took a long time for me to move on. He's in a lot of my dreams, too - I have accepted his death, but I don't think my subconscious has. It still tries to find "solutions". In my dreams, my father has met my husband and attended my wedding. It's comforting. I know he would have liked my husband.

At my wedding last year, I had a table set up with his portrait, a small photo album, and a candle. That way people could get to "know" him.

Though my husband never met him, he tells me he feels like he knows him because I share so many memories about him. It keeps a part of him "eternal". Instead of moving on or "away" from his memories, I keep them all around me and share them often.

Not sure if this helps, but never stop sharing your memories. The only thing worse than dying, is to be forgotten.

(grief counseling never helped me - everyone is different)

Answer 3

You don't say how old you are, but I think the first step is to find some sort of grief counseling center or support group. You need to talk with your family about this as well, so they understand the situation and can work to help you. You may need to revisit the gravesite and just spend some time there, meditating. My mother-in-law has been gone for five years and I still cry on St. Patrick's Day, as that was her birthday and we always celebrated together. You need to find a symbol to help you touch that grief and let it loose, so you can spend the rest of the time remembering, but not obsessing. Good luck!

Answer 4

Grief counselling is really a must. It sounds as if there might have been some unsettled issues between you and your dad, or things unsaid that should have been said. Or that you wish you had said or done. I'm not dream interpreter but if you want to go the spiritualist route, make sure you get a reputable one.

I find myself at odds with my family too when it comes to loss. They just pull up their bootstraps and get on with things. They tell me not to be so sensitive (very helpful). I think they should be less insensitive!.

Please seek professional help or a bereavement group in your area. Don't lock all this up inside you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I thankfully have not shared this adventure, yet i understand that grief can final an fairly long term. you will probable by no ability thoroughly recuperate out of your father's loss and that's ok... i'd proceed to work out a therapist, and attempt extremely complicated to concentration on the good circumstances- placed away the memories of his ailment, and remember that element he took you to the baseball sport, or bowling, or in spite of you 2 did mutually. I misplaced my brother while i became 7-8, and that i'll by no ability, ever be the comparable- yet I grew as a man or woman, and could continuously remember him. remember your father, no longer the ailment, and finally the harm will subside...

Answer 6

My dad died a year and a half ago. It was also accidental. I dream about him almost every night and in the dreams, he is alive. It is still hard for me to deal with his death. I have a picture on my desk of me and him dancing together at my wedding. I treasure the memories and that is what helps.
Have you tried journaling? When you think about him, start writing.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

Time....Time has helped me to put my parents in a special place in my heart so I can go on living for the people whom I love here now....I cant forget the same as you, but I kept myself from falling into the same situation as you...I have tons of pictures that I do look back on, and it only brings the happiest of memories.......good luck and hang in there.....

Answer 8

I've felt a similar loss, as i lost my big brother when i was 17, he died in my arms while we were climbing a mountain. He had a stroke, and I had to help carry his body to a helicopter while i was bathed in his spilled blood, I gave him CPR, i tried singing songs to him to help him awake, I tried carrying his body to the shade, only to fall myself as I was exhausted because of the heat. I felt completely useless, I felt excruciating pain, I felt my soul get hollow, i felt helpless. Climbing down the mountain I only thought on what I would tell my family, what I would tell my mother, my father, that their beloved son had died, and that I was unable to do anything. My grandfather had a very strong bond with him, and he was the one who went to the mountain park to pick me up, I tried to tell him what happend, but I literally couldn't speak, I could only burst in tears. When I tried to tell my mother what happened, I didn't say a word, she only looked at me at knew, and just ran away crying.


This event changed my family, my mother became distant to all her progeny, 2 years later she moved to a different city, I stayed and she never spoke to me again, it's been 10 years, my father still talks to me and i know he still loves me.

I had nightmares on a daily basis, I never had a chance to tell my brother that I was proud of him, that I looked up to him, admired him dearly, and that the world had lost a wonderful person one month shy of his 21st birthday, in fact almost the entire last year before he died I was not very nice to him.

I had dreams that he was still alive, and I had overwhelming desire to say goodbye, as I never had a chance to. I don't know if he's somewhere, and he can hear me. A lady told me once that I had a strong angel looking over me,. i don't know if that's true, maybe that's him, but I became atheist 15 years ago.

The pain never went away, I'm 29 now and I'm still very sad, I still want to talk to him, and at least say goodbye. The degree of pain has diminished not because I stopped caring or I've moved on, but because with time I stopped feeling, and caring,my soul becomes more callous and more impervious to pain. The pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it, 5 years is nothing, that's recent, it's was you DAD, some people grieve longer than others, they don't want you sad anymore because they care about you.

As long as you love your dad you won't forget about him, he'll always live inside you, through memory and his teachings, and the love and care he had for you.

If you believe in something (no matter what religion), it helps alot, I lost my faith and that was even more painful, i wish that does not happen to you.

Always be surrounded by your friends or family, or positive people , don't be alone as this make the grieving process even more painful, talking about it helps alot.

Answer 9

You need some professional help, I think No one should be grieving like this. Your father would never ever want you to suffer like this. He would want you to get on with your life and to succeed. Please get some help.