my husband had a 5 year affair with a co-worker , what do I do ?

Question

He claims this started because HE wanted to a baby, and she could never get pregnant,so he thought well help her and help us ... the IDIOT, and I had always wanted another baby after having a total hysterectomy at 21,so he claims this is why it all started ... they went thru invetro and the whole nine yards, he did not even approach me with this "idea" of his . I found out about this after they had been at it for 5 years, 2- miscarriages,and now she is Prgenant again 5-months preg. He picks her up and takes her to work , he works with her every day,he eats lunch with her everyday at work, he does ALL her driving, on friday nights he takes her to do her and her handicapped brother's grocery shopping,then he takes her to another city to her brother's for the weekend.He calls her from our home right in front of me , when he is home, still comes home to me because I want to make my marriage work. I am trying t make my marriage work , but I cannot alllow him to have another woman in his lif

I told him , it's me or her , you cannot have both... regaurdeless of her being pregnant or not... you have a responsibility to that baby NOT to HER.

Answer 1

He's already chosen HER. Retain what self esteem you have left and kick him out. I just hope he hasn't given you a little "going-away present"... you might want to get checked for STDs.

Answer 2

I call bull ****! You don't try and make a family bigger by banging some chick on the side. He sounds like an ***. I'm afraid that you are left with a hard choice to make. It is easy to kick him to the curb as everybody suggested, but there is also the kids and all too. If his first statement wasn't "I'll quit" then there is no hope in him and I'd follow the rest of these people's advise and find something better. If he says he'll quit then it is up to you rather you stick it out or not. Just be forwarned he could be a good boy or he might just learn how to do it more quietly next time. Either way, I'm sorry to hear your situation. He's an ***. And that is coming from a guy.

Answer 3

y r u still holding on? did u really believe his reasons? they are so lame...at least he's there more for the other woman than to u...u said u cannot allow him to have another woman but u already allowed him girl!!! u may be trying to make ur marriage work, but looks like ur all alone here...how can u make ur marriage work if he's obviously still there for her in a husbanly way - sort-of...u never fought w/ ur husband bout this? wat did he say? was he sorry? if he's sorry , how come he's calling her in front of u...even if she's pregnant, he shud have some respect for u...so since he doesnt respect u much less love u, y dont u give urself a little respect and make him leave and be w/ his "new family"...it wud hurt, but ur making urself hurt more by staying in this situation...after the baby is born, it will be even more worse for u coz he wont be home anymore by then...think about it

Answer 4

Looks like he's moved on a long time ago and is using the baby cr*p as an excuse. Do you really deserve being treated this way?? What ever happened to unconditional love in marriages?

By the way, you are an extremely beautiful lady. There are plenty of great men out there who are more than willing to make you happy. They would be happy with just being with you and only you.

You know, many men hide these sort of things from their "love". In your case, it's all in your face. He doesn't even care that he is spelling it out to you that he is sleeping with another woman.

Answer 5

You are right about his responsibility to the baby but not the co-worker. Even though you want the marriage to work, he doesn't have the right to be treating you like his mistress instead of his wife, by calling her and catering to her every whim and need. He needs to make a choice, his marraige or his mistress. It would appear to me that perhaps counseling would help you both to see things more clearly. If he carried on such a major lie all this time are you going to be able to live with that and move on? It doesn't appear he is trying to earn your trust back or work on the marriage. What is he thinking? Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Why in the world do you even want to fight for that thing. He cheated on you for 5 years and you want to make your marriage work. Obviously you're the only one of the 2. If I were you I would get the hell out of there, while I still have a little bit of dignity left. Take your child and run. If he can do that to you for 5 years, he will never stop.
Good luck

Answer 7

I am so sorry about this. The only answer I have for you is to leave him or kick him out. I know you want your marriage to work, but this is not normal. He has totally betrayed you and you will never trust him. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. That lady is going to be apart of his life forever if she has his child. I know it's hard but I think you would be better off without someone who has no respect for you in his life.

Answer 8

a man will follow his heart, the way one thinks and believes governs his destiny, and it seems he has his priorities all mixed up, its almost as if she is the wife, and u are the odd man out. it may only be a matter of time before he leaves, because he wanted a baby, and she is giving him one. looks as if he is going to do exactly what he wants to do regardless of how u feel about it. this is not going to be a very happy relationship for u, maybe u should plan leaving him, as he will never give her up, if it's been going on over 5 years. he does it right in front of u and doesn't even try to hide it, even to spare your feelings. u need to get out of this, he is destroying your self worth, and eventually he is going to leave to be with her and the baby.

Answer 9

You can either accept his other woman or leave him, because he'll never choose. For what? He doesn't have to you already told him it was okay when you didn't leave him when you found out about it. This is just ridiculous, you need to get a backbone, some common sense, and alot of self esteem. Don't be a doormat all your life.

Answer 10

I find it highly unlikely that there is no emotional involvement between them and that she will just hand over her baby to you. Get real and take off the blinders. My husband and I had a three year affair and it all came to light the day before I gave birth to out daughter.....and his ex-wife claims she had no clue. You need to tell him to hit the road....he's gonna end up with her anyway.

Answer 11

Divorce as fast as you can. His claims are all lies or else you would have made a decision together to have someone else carry your child. He is disrespecting you in the worst way. Kick him out! This marriage cannot and will not work. It has already failed.