When someone gets married, how much should his/her life change? Should each person continue to make his/her decisions as he/she likes (for example, traveling alone or going out with friends - nothing hurtful to the other person), or should decisions like that be made together?
And if the couple comes from two different cultures, how much should each bend to the other's culture? (particularly assuming they live in the more modern one)
2007-03-19 08:00:21 · 19 answers · asked by nomadic 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should be willing to change EVERYTHING that your spouse deems necessary. And you shouldn't expect your spouse to change at all. This goes for both of you.
And you should trust in your spouse's love. I have only dated women of other cultures. And now I am married to one. Simply, the one to submit to the needs of the other.
2007-03-19 08:06:21 · answer #1 · answered by willeum 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
As a couple you both need to make decisions together, even the ones you plan with your friends especially because later on these things will hurt you financially. In a course of a marriage (consider life time) each person changes several times full circle, what matter is to recognize the change adjust to it. Cultural difference should be talked about and not forced on each other, having said that, some things should just be accepted and done out of love for your spouse and respect for his or her culture.
2007-03-19 08:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When u get married u are united as one. Do everything together and do everything with love. It's okay to go out shopping or something with ur girlfriends once in a while and it's okay for ur spouse to have a guys night for poker at his friends house( but limit these things because u are no longer single and don't be selfish ). U need to put the other person before yourself. Cultures are cool, try half and half of each side and if you both like one better than the other, it's okay go for it. Good luck and God bless.
2007-03-19 08:40:54 · answer #3 · answered by angel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all about communication--there's no set rules on how one should behave in a marriage besides monogamy, trust, and respect. Anything else is up to the couple. If a spouse is upset about certain behaviors the couple should agree to talk at a time which is good for both of them. At this time grievances should be aired and expectations should be discussed. I rec commend that both should concede to just "listening" at this time. Agree on another time to talk after the couple has had some time to think about what the other has said. At that time both partners say what they are willing to COMPROMISE about. Then acceptance must take place even if all expectations aren't being met. Things will change for the best overtime if the couple is more concerned with being happy than they are with being controlling, manipulative, rebellious, or selfish.
2007-03-19 08:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by Meems 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no uniform answer to this question. 1st off all, it depends on the level of trust and the type of relationship you had before you got married. It is OK to do things with out your spouse, but there is a limit and you need to tell your spouse what, who and when you will be doing something. Not so they will know everything and you are asking permission, but because it is out of respect for the other person. I think every married couple goes through the "i just want my freedom" phase where they don't want to tell the other what they are doing and they just want to do what they want when they want. My husband went through it then i went through it, but you find a middle ground and it will take a few fights to get to that middle ground. The same answer goes for the second question. it is all trial and error. You both need to give but not to the point that you break and over time you will find that middle ground. You do need to know what each other expects before you get married to make sure that you are willing to make the changes. Good luck, don't worry to much about it.
2007-03-19 08:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by micah z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be doing things together now, if you want to go out with your friends, invite your spouse along, or have your friends over to your house for pizza and a movie or whatever. If you come from two different cultures, much discussion should go into the choices of how you will live your lives (taking into account both cultures and ways to integrate them both). Neither person should be expected to do something which makes them uncomfortable or is against their religion. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-19 08:07:46 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Married couples should ultimately function as a team. Always let each other know your plans and invite your spouse whenever appropriate. Whatever you do, don't change your last name. Keep your name & your identity. As far as married folks from different cultures are concerned, you should each make an extra effort to understand & co-exist within each other's cultures. Talk a lot, explain traditions, expectations, etc. With understanding comes acceptance and tolerance. Good luck!
2007-03-19 08:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by napqueen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't change your inner person, and someone who isn't willing to accept that you won't stop doing things you love to do after marriage isn't someone you should marry. The only exception I see to this is if you are a major party addict, and you have kids, you shouldn't constantly leave your spouse alone with the children. Then, things have to change for both of you. But, if you have dreams and desires, such as achieving your degree, getting married shouldn't affect these dreams. As for the culture thing, I think you should learn to appreciate each other's culture. If you celebrate Christmas, for instance, and the other one doesn't, the other shouldn't stop YOU from celebrating Christmas, although you shouldn't force them to celebrate it with you unless they want to. Very tough situations can work out if you work hard enough to make them work. And, be respectful of your differences.
2007-03-19 08:10:38 · answer #8 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's a matter of changing as much a matter of taking the other person into consideration. When you get married, your actions no longer affect just you and things don't neccessarily belong to you as much as they belong to the couple, who hopefully are working towards common goals. As far as two different cultures, you two need to discuss what you expect from the other. Couples manage different cultures and religions all the time. It gets really difficult once you have kids.
2007-03-19 08:07:28 · answer #9 · answered by Christy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As much as is needed to be beneficial for BOTH of you. You shouldn't let your own individuality get lost in the 'couple.' That means still going out with friends on your own and enjoying your life. If you come from two different cultures, meet in the middle. My fiance and I are two totally different religions so we agree to disagree and when we have children we'll teach them BOTH and let them make their own choices. The best piece of advice I've had is NEVER GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH THE INTENT TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER AT ALL.
2007-03-19 08:08:52 · answer #10 · answered by Kitten 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They should bend more or less to the culture they live in, unless they both agree otherwise. These kinds of things should be worked out before marrying.
You cannot live your life as if you are single anymore. You shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING together, but you shouldn't be partying all night like a single anymore.
2007-03-19 08:09:14 · answer #11 · answered by Disco Stu 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋