my parents are ruining my life?

Question

I'm 24 years old and I have very controlling parents. My parents were involved in some inappropriate activities (none illegal) and people have found out about it and therefore they have lots of enemies. In the past my parents did a good job at keeping us from it but now things are starting to come out and anyone that my parents think are going to tell us anything they really don't want us around them, even though they don't come right out and say it, one of the people is now my ex-boyfriend. We broke up because neither of my parents or boyfriend (at the time) respect each other and our relationship has suffered as a result. I really love him and want to get back together but my parents are trying to turn me against him and my ex has a huge issue with parental approval and that's why we had to break up. I understand where they are both coming from. I'm so confused. What should I do?

Answer 1

There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to realize that you are old enough to lead your own life - that your parents and others are either gonna accept you and approve of you and support you on who you are and the decisions you make or they are not. Too many people spend their whole lives trying to get their parents approval and they seldomn ever do or will. My relationship with my parents improved two fold the day I decided I wasn't going to live my life for them based on their terms. At first it was hard and we argued a lot but now they know I will do what I want and they can either support me or not. We still don't see eye to eye on many things and we never will and there are definately things that I cannot and will not ever be able to discuss with them. Especially my black boyfriend who they do not accept because I am Indian and he is not. At first I hid it from them but now they know. They have never spoken to him or seen him or given him a chance in the five years I've been with them. Actually, I'm lucky they are even talking to me cuz a lot of Indian girls get disowned for stuff like this. But you gotta do what you gotta do and if you love your ex and you guys had a good relationship accept for this issue with your parents and he is a good guy, then you should stay with him and let your parents deal with their own problems toward him. Don't live your life for your parents.

Answer 2

It is a tough place to be. I suggest talking with your parents about it. You could even copy and paste your question on this page. if your parents care about you at all, they will understand where YOU are coming from and hear you out. You shouldn't have to pay for whatever "inappropriate activities" they were involved in. Once you and your folks are on the same page, then you will be more relaxed and able to talk about the issue with your ex. Your ex is in the right by the way, you are 24 years old. By now, you should be able to date whoever, wherever and whenever. Make your parents understand that as well.

Answer 3

I respect you for keeping your parent's privacy. You don't state whether or not you are living under their roof. At 24 yrs of age you don't really need their apporoval for much of anything. Depending on the "inappropriate" activity. If it is something that's going through the community, people will realize that it isn't YOU after it all settles down.
It isn't right for your parent's to get self righteous over other peoples' opinions though. If the inappropriate behavior has come to "light" then it really must be CONVICTING them of what they have been involved in.
It takes someone of strong character and strong beliefs to come against opposition. Evidently your ex doesn't have what it takes to be with you if he is allowing other peoples' opinions to come between the two of you. You may have to let this go after you have thought more about it and determine what it is you want.
Your parent's don't have any business keeping you from other people just because those people have an opinion about whatever they have been doing either. You don't have to agree with your parents'. It's their life and they have to take responsibility for this. It sounds like they are "scrambling" to find people on their side and trying to force you to be on their side. And keep you away from anyone else with an opinion that matches their own. You don't have to do that.
Determine for yourself what it is you want in your life. This means sitting down with yourself and ask yourself some hard questions. The conflict seems to be coming from what may be coming to light as "don't do as I do, but look the other way when you find out what we did"? How have they raised you?
Parents' are suppose to raise children to make good/healthy decision on their own when they become adults. You have to look at this situation and decide and then stick with it.
I am sorry this is so hard, I know how confusing it can be to be in this place. But you sound like a strong young woman and I know you will decide what is right for YOUR life.

Answer 4

I know what you mean. It is hurtful to go through a breakup period--- let alone have controlling parents that support it. The best thing to do is to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Let them know that despite their past shady behavior/acts... that you still love them and want you all to move on from that. Most people in the world have something to be asamed of and would want nothing more than to crawl in a hole and never come out. The next thing to do it is to tell that kindly but firmly that you are 24 years old and although you respect their oppinion, you will considerate as well as formulate your own from now on. When you state it this way, it does not seem so "attacking." Rather,it shows that you are respectful and mature. Finally, if you still love your ex-boyfrined and he is really a good person.. tell him this and say that you can not change your parents...but you are willing to have a friendship with him that does not dwell on your past frustrations with your parents. In other words, tell him that you miss him but also need hime to repect that you have controlling parents and this is more frustrating to you that it is to him and that you would like to still be friends with out speaking badly about your parents.

Answer 5

Didn't you say you were 24? Your an adult now and you can move on and make your own decisions.Your not at liberty to pay for your parents mistakes. Your life NOW is whats important not the past. Even if you have to move away and make a fresh start...then do it.
It make take time but one day you will be able to sit down with your parents and ask them for the answers you need to put you [and all your questions] at peace.

Answer 6

talk with your parents about how you feel it may help. If not you are 24 your adult now u can hang out with who ever you want 2 and they cant really say a thing about it anymore unless you live with them and in that case id move asap. If your ex has issuses with that I dont know what to say because he might not wanna get back togthere if your parents do not approve. But maybe they will just talk with them about everything and see good luck.

Answer 7

You're an adult. Do what you want to do so long as it's legal. If you don't live with your parents, just talk to them and let them know that you will always show them respect, but your life choices are your own. If you do live with your parents, are you financially ready to move? Because it sounds to me like you need to be out from under their roof and their control.

Answer 8

why are you still living at home. you are 24, you could be living your life the way you want to. go rent a place of your own and tel them as you leave if you fear they will stop you. if you cant afford to rent alone get a friend to join you and do a flat share. you may even find a flat/house share if you look in your local paper but it sounds to me that it is long past the time to be living with your parents.

Answer 9

You will have to choose between your parents and your boyfriend.
You are 24 years old. If you still live with your parents and you don't like the situation then you are old enough to leave and live you life as you wish.

Answer 10

Tell your ex to grow up and tell you if he wants you for you or not. He won't have to live with your parents so he shouldn't care so much about it. -Plus, if he already knows about your parents " behavior" there is nothing else to hide. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't- You should move out of your parents house too.