Any mother-in-law stress? R u carring the 1st grandchild?

Question

Mine is very helpful and nice. But I feel like I'm suppose to pop this kid out and give it to her. She is even talking about making a room for the baby at her house. She is talking about buying all of these clothes and things for the baby that she is keeping at her house, and she hasn't invited me to go along. I feel like she is already trying to outshine me. I'm 1st time mom and can't drop the $ like she can.

I politely told her, maybe a todler bed instead of a crib.

Answer 1

maybe shes just over-excited cause its her first grandchild, but either way if shes upsetting you that bad maybe you should talk to her about or get your partner to.
i know how you feel everyone seems to be trying to take over my pregnancy telling me what they want me to get for him even things like what nappies il use and whether im gonna use a potty or just the normal loo when im potty training the baby isnt even flipping born yet and everyone is full of opinions and if you dont agree with them they make out like your a bad mum
i just let them run on cos im this babys mum dont let her get you down i know shes probably just excited but she seems to be over stepping the mark a bit
good luck

Answer 2

This is a big thing for your mother-in-law just as it is for you. (Try to put yourself there for a minute and you might see what I mean.) It's much better than having a grandparent who doesn't even remember her grandchild's birthday.

Now, if it is still a problem for you, consider asking her out to lunch and sitting down with her and telling her that her gung ho attitude is making you a little nervous. Ask her to tone it down just a little and to stop buying stuff without consulting with you first. She might buy something you already have bought. Tell your husband what you are planning to do before you do it, though. He knows his mother better than anyone. She will most likely back down because she doesn't want to risk making you really unhappy so that you won't "share" the baby with her when it comes.

And let her keep the baby for you occasionally in that little room she's fixed up. Maybe you can use an afternoon off now and then.

These days, a child can't have too much love. Don't feel that you and she have to compete with one another. There's enough to go around. However, if she gets really obnoxious, let her know it. Good luck with your new family.

Answer 3

I had the 1st grandchild on my parents side and the 1st Grandaughter on his side. His family drove me crazy! They went ahead and gave me everything i needed while my poor mom couldnt get a word in. I think you should be very thankful that she is doing all these things for you because it really helps sooo much especialy when you dont have too much extra money. One thing you must do before your baby is born is set the boundries, for example, my friend lets her mother in law take her baby every week for 3 or 4 days! I cant believe she lets her or the fact that she even asks to do so! so make sure you set ur boundries very very early because once she starts, it will be more difficult to stop her. Always remember that it is YOUR baby and whatever you do and decide is going to be the best decision. Also another piece of advice....when you are given un-needed advice, politely smile and say ok, thank you. Never ever let it get to you! Just take it and smile, you have the final say!

Answer 4

My sons grandmother was the same way. She set up a brand new crib (Gave us an old one that didn't have all the pieces, so we had to buy spare parts), bought clothes that she hung at her house, a basinette, etc etc. we got a place about ablock away from her, so she started taking the baby for a night once a week, which was fine... Then she went to a lawyer, told the lawyer that I had let my son live with her from 2 months old on, and they took my child from me, placed him with her, and I haven't seen him in 3 years. I am NOT saying that your mother in law will do this, all I am saying is that in SOME cases, there are underlying intentions. Be careful, and make sure that if she starts acting shady, you stay on alert. I couldn't believe the courts took my child from me. There were no CPS investigations, no accusations of abuse or neglect.... it was a simple lie, her saying he lived with her and that I hadn't given them the ability to get health care for him... she knew how to find me on the nights that he stayed over there. Now I have another child, and I won't let him stay with his Grandma, because I'm too scared. The last time I packed him an overnight bag, it was the last time I saw him. Please, be careful.

Answer 5

I had the first grandchild on both sides, so I can relate. My mother-in-law did buy a crib and stuff for my baby to keep at her house, and she even bought me a carseat, stroller and crib mattress. But remember that it's not a competition. Consider yourself lucky that your mom-in-law is so excited. Your baby really isn't going to care that your in-laws have bought her so many things! Plus, it'll be nice not to have to cart your whole house to your mother-in-law's when she watches the baby.

My own parents and my in-laws haven't been happy about everything I've done as a parent (they really objected to what we named the baby because they wanted a family name) but if it becomes a problem, sit them down and CALMLY explain that this is *your* child, and things will be done your way although advice will be appreciated when asked for. And please, even if you know the answer, DO ask for advice; it helps your parents and in-laws to feel like they're contributing even if you don't take their advice. And they will offer unsolicted advice less often if you occasionally ask.

Answer 6

My mother-in-law was the same way with my first child (first grandchild on both sides). She set up my husband's old crib in her spare bedroom. She kept telling all her friends that she was going to babysit him all the time, blah, blah, blah. It did bother me a lot at the time, that's for sure. Boy, was she sure surprised when he was born. You have to put your foot down if she crosses the line...this is your child, not hers. Don't be afraid to let yourself be heard.

My mother-in-law did a complete 360 once he was born. She didn't even buy us anything for him (not even an outfit). She ended up coming to our house the day he came home from the hospital with a gift from SOMEONE ELSE.To this day, she rarely spends a dime on him (not that he needs anything from her). I'm expecting the same with our next child. So, from my experience, you never know how your situation will go :)

Good luck!

Answer 7

Haven't had any run-ins with the in-laws yet, but they are so excited. But they really want a girl, because they never had one, they had all boys. So i feel like if i don't have a girl, then i would be disappointing them, lol, i know, that's silly, but that's all they talk about as i hear it from my man... lol, too funny, but yeah, i know what you mean, it's like they are preparing for the new baby instead of you, but they are just as excited as you are, sometimes even more excited and hey, just go with the flow, nice to know you have so much support, some people aren't so lucky! Good luck...

Answer 8

my son was the only boy grandchild and the granddaughters were 10 and 12 years old when he was born so my ex- mother in law acted like that too. she bugged the hell outta me my whole pregnancy and bought a crib and everything for her house and lots of clothes. i put up with her the whole pregnancy but soon after my son was born i busted her little bubble.....lol. my son has yet to spend the night with that awful woman, he's 7 years old!

Answer 9

I'm glad to hear I am not the only one. My mother-in-law is driving me insane... she has done the same with turning one of her rooms into a nursery, and has even told me what I HAVE to name the baby. I try to ignore it, but I have a feeling that soon I will be letting her know she is not the mother, she is the grandmother. You can try to ignore her, or try talking to her about it.

Answer 10

What ever that's you ultimately finally end up doing do no be recommend to her. basically tell her which you do no longer plan on having little ones for X volume of time and tell her which you're lifeless extreme approximately this. do no longer clarify to her anymore then what you have achieved. If she is joking around with then you definately enable her shaggy dog tale......she would be able to get the image quicker or later. do no longer enable this be a controversy with your relationship together with her. that's in the way you look after it which will make this relationship artwork between you and her. She is basically wanting slightly one that's all she would not recommend to regulate something, extremely do no longer take it undesirable in any respect. basically tell her........She won't renounce yet take it with a grin of salt.. you won't be able to get pregnant in case you do no longer prefer to so enable her have her exciting attempting to cajole you, you realize it won't artwork anyhow so enable it go and have exciting together with her. basically tell her nope no longer yet....shop her on your sturdy area. next time she tells you to offer up taking the tablet tell her you will no longer because of the fact that's no longer in effortless terms him that would not choose slightly one right this moment it is likewise you that would not choose one.