Unexpected Pregnancy?

Question

My girl and i are 20 and 17. We got pregnant. There is no way we could give a kid a decent life. We barely have enough money to keep an apartment, let alone feed ourselves. Im a full time student as well. Abortion is defintly out of the question. Is an adoption agency a really messed up idea? We figure that our kid would have a better life this way. What do you think?

Answer 1

You know you can choose the adoptive parents your child will have? I don't think adoption is a bad idea. My dad's wife gave her son up for adoption 2 years ago. He was adopted by her ex-husband's sister. My aunt also gave a baby up for adoption 35 years ago. No on in my family besides me has ever been to college. My aunt's son has a master's degree. He has a much better life than he would have had if she kept him.

Answer 2

i got pregnant at 19 unexpectedly. my boyfriend and i were both scared and did not think that we could do it. we both agreed that adoption was not even in the question and i my self felt that i could not carry a baby for nine months to just give the baby away. our daughter is now 7 months old and the most beautiful thing. when i look back on everything i cant believe that we almost did go through with adoption because he wanted to. we both felt the same way as you. we didnt have much money and we were still living with our parents. well we both moved out together and worked a little more. we had so much help from our families which made things work out great. i had three baby showers so i really did not ahve to buy anything except for diapers and wipes when she needed them and formula. everything else we had. if you think that this could also be a possibility for the two of you, i would still consider keeping the baby. if you think that this wont happen for you and that you wont recieve help and what not, then maybe you should look into an adoption agency. Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

There are some programs such as WIC (which gives you formula, milk, eggs, juice, cereal) that you could apply for, and food stamps you could also apply for. That would help with food and other stuff you need (that food stamp covers) to get for the baby. I'm sure that your guys' families will help you out as well. Also baby showers can help get you guys some stuff you need, but in the long run, if you're so financially unstable, it'll be extremely tough. And sometimes those things aren't enough.

I'm glad that abortion is out of the question.

If you two have talked and feel like giving the child up for adoption is the best solution, then go for it. You could always get in contact with the child years down the road, if you'd like. It's good that you two are thinking about the child's best interest. If you're interested in adoption, there's a lot of information on the internet, and i'd suggest you look into it because there's also different types of adoption such as closed adoption, open adoptioin, family adoption, and so on.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 4

I think it is a very admirable thing to do. There are by far way more couples looking to adopt then there are babies to adopt. The waiting lists are huge. You could actually hand pick the parents of this baby, and possible have them pay for cost. You should contact your local Family Independence Agency or Social Services Department. They will give you a list of your options and help you sort out the best option for you. They are different types of adoption, such as open and closed, so be sure you research all types.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend. You are great parents to this child, even though you are probably not keeping it.

Answer 5

Adopting out your child is a wonderful idea. I would suggest an open adoption, because then you meet the prospective parents and have a choice as to where your baby goes. There's also the option of contact later on.

Deciding to adopt out sounds easy at first, but after the ultrasounds, hearing the heartbeat and hearing the baby cry when it's born may make things very hard. Support each other, and don't feel at all guilty for your decision to give your baby up....it's very admirable that you desire a better life for your child than you can currently give.

Answer 6

No, its a great idea!! I think that adoption is a very smart decision. You are both very young, and being a parent is hard (I'm 30 and its hard for me!!). If you can't give your child a good life, then its best to give it to a family that can. I think that giving up a baby up for adoption is the ultimate test of a parent's love -it is incredible hard, but the best thing for the child. And really, its about what is best for the baby.

I know several people who were adopted - I'd say at least 10. My best friend was adopted at birth, she's now 30. She does not feel like she was abandoned, in fact she feels like she was given a chance to have a good life by her birth mother. My sister's best friend was adopted, and her two brothers, all from different birth parents. A man I work with has adopted two girls in the last 3 years, each at 3 months, and they are very happy and thriving. Another man I work with was adopted...the list goes on and on.

Kudos to you both for doing the best thing for your kid. Accidents happen, but its great that you are taking responsibilty for it and not taking the easy way out.

Answer 7

That's not a messed up idea, it's a brave idea. I've never believed in abortion, but after being pregnant three times, (miscarried one) I can tell you, I just can't imagine doing it. i think it would have greater emotional impact (negative) than anything else your lady could do. Adoption will be hard, but not the same kind of emotional burden for the rest of your lives.
My husband is adopted, and has been my best friend since I was 14. I look at him daily and think how lucky I am that he was allowed to be born and that his mom and dad adopted him, and I got to be part of his life. He's a gift to me!
On another note, we had been married 3 weeks and were BROKE as could be when I got pregnant- we were much older than you two, but were able to get a medical card and borrowed and were given what we needed. If you decided to keep the baby, go to a crisis pregnancy center, and they can hook you up with all kinds of things.
Good luck, and I think highly of you both for considering adoption in such a scary and overwhelming circumstance.

Answer 8

How refreshing that you finally see someone asking a question on here about a responsible alternative to an unfortunate situation. I think it would be the most generous and meaningful thing you could ever do for someone. It takes a wonderful person to be able to carry a baby for 9 months and give someone the most precious gift of a child. It would be the absolute most selfless thing you could ever do. God bless you for taking the high road here and not just aborting due to the inconvenience it would cause the 2 of you for 9 months. Adoptive parents would be more than willing to pay medical bills and help you out during the pregnancy with costs of carrying the child. However, I do agree with previous answer to consult your parents first. You may just be surprised how willing they are to help if it's something you think you would be ready for.

Answer 9

Adoption is a great option, especially these days. You can hand pick the family that you want your child to go to, so you can pick qualities that are important to you in the raising of your baby. Open adoptions also allow for more flexibility, so you can receive letters or pictures of the baby, or even sometimes see the child, all depending on what agreements you and the family come up with...
I am so proud of the 2 of you to consider this option. There are so many people out there just waiting to love you baby, and I trust that you will pick the right ones.

Answer 10

Well, let me tell you what happened to me. I got pregnant at 17, had the baby at 18. I was still in school and my boyfriend at the time and I didn't have jobs and we still lived with my parent. But my husband (know) found a really good paying job when my daughter was about four months old. We had enough money to rent are first apartment, and know we have are own home, and just had are second child almost four weeks ago. Think twice about giving the baby up. Holding your baby for the first time and knowing you helped create it is the best experience, and watching them grow up is even better.