I've hit my wife maybe 20 times. How do I take control?

Question

I have been married for nine months now. I love my wife and she loves me. We were very proud of our non-fighting status for the first six months or so. Everyone warned us about "the first-year fights" but we simply never had that problem. My wife often acts like a baby. She acknowledges it, but she is spiteful, stubborn, and somewhat anti-man. Plus, she's typical emotional. I love her anyway and wouldn't change her for the world. I, on the other hand, am very calculated; I like to do the wise thing, and will sacrifice my emotions for sense. My self-esteem is near-narcissistic and I take great honor in being my wife's servant. I'm pretty anti-woman and have typical man ego. Nevertheless, we got along great. We have recently begun to fight. She starts by throwing tantrums when I don't do her will. I teach. She then demands compliance. I laugh. She cries. I refuse and ignore. She hits me. I hit back. She says I hate her. I disagree. She insists, I insist. Wow! Where'd all this come from

Read my last two questions. They will help put it all into context.

Answer 1

In a relationship or marriage if violence comes in the picture than that is time to step back no matter how much you love your significant other. Violent relationship and marriage is bound to head towards burning hell. Which mean, you both will suffer through eternity. I don't approve on man hitting a woman, but I also don't approve on woman hitting a man. There are many cases out there where women physically abuses their spouse. That is big No No... When you start saying things to hurt your spouse and even hitting your spouse, that is when you need to realize that you've lost your respect towards your significant other. Love is very important in relationship/marriage, but in order to maintain your relationship Love cannot do it all by itself. You need trust, understanding and most importantly RESPECT for one another. Women tend to loose temper alot, because we are very emotional, however men are different. Be a man and swallow your temper if you think you are going over board. Draw a line and try your best not to cross that line. If it becomes more than what you can handle seek professional help to save your marriage. If you give time and effort I am sure your marriage will work out fine.

Answer 2

First of all if yopu love her you should never hit her!!!! I think that if a man hit's a women for any reason they don't deserve that women. How would you like it if a man came around and started hitting your daughter? That's how our dad's feel when they see that their daughter their flesh and blood is being beat!! I think that just because you disagree about something and you have fights does not give you the right to put your hands on her at all!! I am not saying that she is aloud to hit you but 2 wrongs don't make 1 right!! I think that if you are worried to the point where you think you need to hit her back then you need not be in that relationship! People beg for relationships where there are no violence and there are people like you two that give all relationships bad names!! If you have to hit one another than maybe just maybe that is a clue that you don't belong together!! Open your eyes before it's to late and your either dead because she's sick of you hitting her or in prison because you couldn't stop hitting her!!

Answer 3

FIRST OFF you should not be hitting your wife of 9 months what the hell you going to do at 9 years you both sound immature and need counseling, and you possibly anger manangement, this is no joke this is serious I pray you all have no kids all couples fight and argue but when it gets physical and emotional that is not a good thing, if you both truly love each other and want to be together you BOTH need counseling NEWSFLASH she should not be hitting you either but you should know better you should never, ever hit a woman would you want someone to hit your momma? Now you can block her hits :) but physical violence is never the answer please check into counseling and if you cannot afford or want to talk to a private therapist contact your local church , you sometimes do not have to be a member to get services, or your local mental health or social services office ....

Answer 4

the hitting is not ok no matter who starts it. Either you all need to fix the problem before you have kids or leave. If you loved each other, then there wouldn't be any hitting. If she starts the hitting first, do not hit her back, but restrain her. Hold her arms, sit on her whatever but don't encourage the hitting. Hold her there until she has calmed down enough to talk to. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 yrs, there have been times that I could've beat the **** out of him, but I didn't because I love him, respect him, and wouldn't want him to do it to me. So there ya go.

Maybe ya both should drop your egos at the door.

Answer 5

If you excepted her actions before you got married and still do then she expect to be able to treat you like that. If you are not happy with the way she acts then you have to make it clear to her. Her acting like a child isn't what you want is it. It is one thing to do things for your partner and another to raise a grown child. If you want things to change you have to do something about it. fighting and arguing is not the way you will just end up going in circles continuing a never ending battle of wills. Just remember this as well if you do get in a fight and you do hit her even if she has hit you more the cops will take you to jail and i know you dint want that. My neighbors got into it and she beat him badly he was bleeding and she had one scratch he got four years for assault and if they add aggravated to that the time goes up. My advice is to get out while you can, you can find a woman that you will be happy with and that doesn't abuse you.

Answer 6

Stop it! You are two children playing house. You are not her servant but her bully. This is a battle of egos and wills. You say you are her servant but you do not show it by your actions. Love goes the extra mile and yields. Who is yielding here??? You both need counselling. Its time to grow up and realize that marriage is a two way street but right now you are both heading in opposite directions in different cars. The mature grown up thing to do ...that is if you really want to be the MAN here is apologize....even when you think you are right!!! It takes guts to do so. Try it!

Answer 7

Regardless to how your wife acts a real man never hits a woman. You want to gain control walk around the block cool off.

Then get help before this esclates to the point that one of you is dead and the other is in prison

Answer 8

First of all, you shouldn't be hitting her. She shouldn't be hitting you either. I have been known to throw some tantrums towards my man (Mostly when he walks away....OH! I hate that so much). Anyways, walking away sometimes is the answer so things won't be said or things won't happen that either of you can never take back. Go somewhere separate to cool off for 30 minutes or so, then come back, sit down like adults and figure out why you upset one another and take it from there. LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER and compromise....So many hurtful things can be said. You'll never be able to undo anything that you've done or said. Her either. Make her realize that. Hopefully, ya'll can work this out with one another like adults. I tend to be immature and child-like. I understand your wife on that point. Sometimes, we're so scared that you guys will hurt us. It's kind of like our defense mechanism to protect ourself. We want you guys to buckle down and say to us "Honey, I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. Let's work this out" In turn, we'll apologize and calm down. It's uncontrollable sometimes when I don't get that understanding right away and compassion.

Answer 9

Physical violence is just plain wrong! If it comes down to a thought of violence then it's time to walk away. What you have is not a marriage when it comes to that. You are to love, honor, and cherish. The wedding vows don't have anything in them about knocking the snot out of each other - that's not love chum. Both of you need to seek help for anger management.

Answer 10

You guys need to see a therapist and quickly. There is never any reason for anyone to put their hands on another person. Especially within a so called "loving" relationship. Perhaps anger management classes would help.