She is a good Christian girl who knows moral values. She has had a lot of stress in her life with several family deaths, and this may be leading to this. I tend to be more lenient than my husband, who wants to take away our family vacation and her dance competition. I think there would be a better way, and want to be sure that we can prevent this from escalating.
2007-03-19 06:50:12 · 6 answers · asked by sgobble4 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Have you talked to her about why she is doing this? She is aware of what she's doing and dealing with the issue of lying head on may give you additional insight. Just remember a couple of things... She is at the age where most kids begin to really sense that their "self" is separate from their parents. Telling a lie, even a little white lie, is a fascinating thing - to be able to tell your all powerful parents something false and have them believe it! (I'm not supporting this! I'm just saying what's going on inside a pre-adolescent's head). All that being said, an explanation is not necessarily justification. Just because you understand why she might be doing something wrong, doesn't mean you shouldn't discipline the behaviour. I alway went by the rule that if you do something wrong you might get in trouble - but if you lie about it, then you have automatically guaranteed that you will double your punishment (you will now be punished for 2 crimes instead of one!). Good luck, have patience, and remember, this too will pass :o)
2007-03-19 07:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by zenobia2525 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might I suggest that you share with her that she is nearing an age where she will be wanting to attend more and more functions, outings, sleepovers with friends, school events, etc... and in order for a parent to feel comfortable allowing their child to do these things, there needs to be a certain level of trust established beforehand.
If she is lying now, she is really hurting herself and her chances of having more freedoms in the future. She needs to have her future put into perspective for her so she can have a concept of cause and effect.
Further I might add that if she is lying about certain things, she must be feeling like she can't just "tell the truth" for some reason.
So, perhaps if you reassure her that as her parent, you are there for her when she is perfect and wonderful and when she makes mistakes. If she is going to make mistakes then who better to make them with than two people who love her dearly?
That being said, if she is lying to be manipulative and satisfy her wants and likes in spite of what she knows your will for her to be, then there needs to be loving consequences, which might very well include missing the dance competition.
My first instinct is to not cancel the family vacation because of her, because others should not have to suffer for her actions, but then again... maybe she needs to feel that burden because her lying does hurt other people.
Your husband might be right in this. It is better to "get the pain over with quick" rather than let this trend of lying continue so that the consequences in her life become even greater as time goes on.
2007-03-19 07:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by NONAME 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I presume you have caught her in several "whoppers"...
Tell her that you are withdrawing her from the dance competion...and do it. Let her know that her lies have consequences, and let her coach, and the parents she might try to sneak out to have them drive her, "because you're too busy" know about her being withdrawn.
Sit down with her when you can do so without freaking out all over her, and explain that her lying is hurting you. Ask her why she thinks she is starting to lie, and see if you can help her work through it. If it is a matter of the deaths in the family and general stress, she may have to speak with a councilor for several weeks to months before she can work trhough it. However, let her know that you will be there for her, and that you are having problems too (counciling for yourself, your hubby, and any other kids old enough to understand might help clear the air, and forstall any other problems with this as a root).
2007-03-19 08:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's probably just a phase and it will pass. Secondly, to help encourage it to pass, you should do your best to catch her in as many lies as you can, and confront her until she tells the truth. Without raising your voice, without punishment, and by expressing disappointment you will help knock the lying out of her because she will feel ashamed. It will take time, but that's the best way. Don't resort to lowering yourself to her level by showing her what its like when someone lies, lead by example, and just make her feel bad by expressing that it hurts you and your husband when she lies.
2007-03-19 06:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by Captain Chaos 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her the Story of the boy who cried wolf
2007-03-19 09:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wash her mouth out with soap
2007-03-19 06:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by JC` 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋