Why do people lose a sense of self?

Question

is it healthy to be in a relationship if you are unsure of yourself? Why does this happen.. does it have to do with age (im 22). I feel as if I cannot give anything to a realtionship right now because I am struggling with myself. Why am I looked at as selfish.. what can I do? I don't want to lose people in my life but they don't understand:( I can not see who I am anymore. I am trying to listen to myself but cannot because I always listen to others. How can I keep a healthy mental state.. my mom thinks i'm going insane. Help- especially if u had a similar experience or are a professional.. or leave words of wisdom :)

Answer 1

You are growing adult and you hate it.
Especially because you couldn't find that something special and extraordinary that to make you, and your life different than the life that your parents had and you saw nothing exciting in it.

Untill now, you had to follow the patterns, ways others like your parents established for you, rules and where to go, what to do,even to what school to go.
And now, you're free, to do whatever you want to, but you don't know yet where you should go.

I just read yesterday about something called serendipity, meaning the natural ability to find interesting and great things, like a god's grace or something, to find exactely what you need in the right moment, something like that we would need, no matter what, to know that finally the story(=our lives) will have a happy end, and that us will be happy, as in and they lived happily ever after.

Fortunately let's hope you can realize soon what you want from yourself and from your life, so you can decide what to do about that poor boyfriend of yours, who probably is not so self-quest oriented, otherwise you wouldn't ask us this.

It would be helpful though if you could just stay few minutes in the evening when it's more quiet and think sincerely of whom you admire, I mean whose life you like, maybe a movie star, or your teacher from school, or perhaps an uncle who did something with his life that makes you proud that you met him.

Then forget and cut off your list the movie stars(not that you couldn't be one,but it not worth it), and focuse on the people who are still possible to be like if you put your mind to and you really really like it and you could see yourself living happily this kind of life even in 30 years from today.

Then, see if the BF is still there in your new life,it could be, it depends how much you love him, and him loves you.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I feel the same, somewhat. I've been in a relationship with the same person since I was eighteen (currently I am 22). For the years until this one, I was always about everyone else. Trying to help my significant other with his problems in life. Now that I feel he is over his "situation", I feel I need to work on my "situations". This apprently makes me seem selfish to everyone. I don't listen as much, no. I don't help as much, no. This doesn't mean I don't help at all. I am trying to explain myself to those that have misconceptions. Some can understand, some want what I was forever. Change can be scary, I guess.

Answer 3

Maybe you lost your sense of self because it really was not you in the first place. All you were doing was what everyone expects to fit in. This can cause you much soul searching as well as unhappiness in your life and the same for everyone who is close to you. Wise Man/Woman always say "You cannot help others if you do not help yourself first". This does not mean be selfish, all it means is if you have problems you cannot help others unless you fix your own problems first.

Answer 4

yeah i had the same experience when i got out of high school and i really lost myself. I "woke up" one day when i realized i was giving a ride to my loser boyfriend over to my best friend's house before i went to work (to pay our bills) so they could sleep together...ii all just clicked all of the sudden. I went from this daze where I was lost to towering volcano of wrath in seconds and scared certain people all to hell, so before you snap, find yourself, and if you have to be single, fine. I took six years off the whole thing after that, but now I have a partner, a child, and a good life, so put yourself first! That is my advice!

Answer 5

that is normal you are just starting out you have to find your way in life,no one can do that for you so just pray,and try new
things,praying will cause you not to get to caught up in a
bad situation then again god is gonna allow you some thing
so you can learn.take a step back from people and do your
own thing if the really love you,then will understand it,s your
time to find your own path way.just evaluate your life,and
morals and what you believe,that alone will guide in the
right paths,get ready to ride this journey call life,If you fall
get back up,keep it movin,because you fall and get hurt
and do some hurting yourself,but things always have a way
of working out keep that in mind. you will be all alright
I made it and you will too.

Answer 6

After I was divorced, I waited a loooooong four years before I would date anyone because I had lost all sense of who I was. I used to jokingly say, "I need to find out who I was before I became this person I'm really not now", but it's not really all that funny.

I had to literally get to know myself again.

I think you are doing a great thing. So many people go through life without even realizing that they aren't allowing themselves to BE themselves - they're just doing and acting in ways that please others or give them positive attention.

Please persevere. Its worth it....

Answer 7

you do not need to be in a relationship at the age of 22 you are still growing up i am 32 and did not understand who i was until i was 27-28 experiance life live life do things that excite you experiment with things date people establish beautiful friendships learn who you really are kiddo... you are not crazy your young and lost your way a bit.trust me you'll find your sense of self

Answer 8

It is a great idea to get to know yourself before having a serious relationship but, at the same time, relationships teach us things about ourselves that we never knew. Someone who is not fully happy with themselves just as they are will try to gain a sense of happiness based upon how their significant other feels about them. This is risky business because you cannot become overly dependent upon someone else to make you happy. I do agree that you must give up a little bit of your sense of self when you are involved in a relationship, but this is not necessarily unhealthy.

Answer 9

You are dealing with problems that many lost young adults have. The first thing you should is accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior. Just say " Oh, Lord Jesus I know that you died on the cross to save me from my sins and I am asking you to come into my heart now my Lord. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. Amen." It's that easy. Then you need only trust in him and thank Him for everything and ask him for what you need and you will be lost to yourself no more. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

is your partner complaining about it..you can find your self and still have a relationship with others..it might even make it easier for you..it gives you some one to talk to if things get ugly..and having some one you trust is important ..I have a close friend that I can almost be my self with..I tell him stuff I never tell others..we are more than close..so some times it helps..then again your mate might be the kind of person that doesn't need that much attention..and may even want their space from time to time...good luck..