Relationship crumbling...help please?

Question

My fiance is 10 years older than me but sometimes I feel like he's the one ten years younger in this relationship. We have been through everything in 2 years that most people don't go through in their entire lives. Recently, though, things have been rocky to say the least. We do not see eye to eye on virtually anything. This morning, I had to go to school (university) for a meeting and I had to take the baby because I did not have a babysitter. He called his mom last min and tried to get a babysitter but I simply did not have time to drop her off at that point. I told him that I really appreciated him trying to help but it was no big deal. He flipped out, tried to pull the blinds on the window up, they fell, he picked them up and threw them across the room, 2 feet from where i was standing with our daughter. He has never been violent but because of my past, this is something that deathly scared me. We are not getting along but I cannot watch our relationship crumble at my feet

I just wanted to provide an example of how erradict his behavior has been recently. I have had my share of attitudes. Things have been really difficult and we both have been sacrificing so much to make things work out financially and emotionally. I am going to school, watching the baby, and working and he is working at least 70 hour weeks to make ends meet. We are struggling but our relationship has never come to the point where it seems as though we could go our separate ways. I need help on what to do and how to help and save our relationship. He is someone I can not live without. I know we both have our faults but I truly want some advice on how to make things better.

KIB:

No marriage has not become extinct and OF COURSE I wanted to be married before having a child. I made a bad decision and now I am dealing with the result as best I can. My baby is a blessing and I want to give her the best life possible. I don't quite understand whoever thinks giving up school is a good idea. I am going to finish college. I have one year left until I graduate, and YES this will provide a better life for my child. A college education is priceless. Isn't a stable relationship a good thing for a child as well? From what I understand, most studies suggest that a home with mother AND father together is the most stable situation for any child to grow up in. He is the father of my daughter and I want her to grow up knowing him. He is a wonderful man. We are both under so much pressure and it just seems as if there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I need some suggestions from people who have been through this. I appreciate all of the answers thus far.

Answer 1

Hi, I am sorry... i don't know how to help, but I understand where you are at. Unfortunately in my case, he has taken a step away. Try to talk and let him know that the way he acted today cannot be something he repeats.
Do all you can to make him understand you care. and hang in there. If its worth it, your love will survive.

Answer 2

Maybe the both of you should re-prioritize. I mean you are both so on the go all the time. Maybe if you two could do with out something. To get some time to be together. He is working your in school. How much time do the two of you get to work on the two of you? I would say it sounds as if he is very very stressed out also. Maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with it. So talk to him. I'm sure you two can come up with something that works for the two of you. Take one day a week that you two are the top priority. Just get some down time some how. If he likes to golf or hunting or any thing. Send him out to do it. It will help him to get out and laugh and have some fun..
Hope I helped some.

Answer 3

Yes, he does sound immature. Maybe it would help if you sat down and worked out your babysitting arrangements a few days in advance - get a timetable going.
His temper is more serious - he needs some anger management councelling. (That is pathetic, but there you go!) If it helps, give it a go.
I can't help but feel that you're under too much pressure - is there anyway you can both spend some time together, as a couple, and enjoy each other's company.
But a bit of preplanning might help too - and the counselling. And if ti doesn't well, things aren't going to get any better.

Answer 4

I am disturbed about your problem, but only for the sake of the child who is in the middle of a relationship that has no foundation. Marriage is the first building block. If you wanted to wait until after college to marry then you should have stayed out of the bedroom. You make the statement as "Our Child". Who's last name has it taken? Who's last name will it take if you never get married? I am really disturbed about all the answers you are getting telling you to do differenet things. Has marriage become extinct? Your problem is not your own but spreading fast around the country. You must remember, without a good foundation, there is no stability. I believe you must look in the mirror and ask all the questions about where you are going. Do you think finishing college will solve your problems? I think not. Time to stand up for whats right. Your child depends on it and he/she are the most important item at the moment.

Answer 5

Maybe you should render some help,especially with the baby. Let his mum babysits while the two of you spend some time alone, together, outside the house. He could be stressed out too, that may explains why he flung the blinds across the room, if you said he has never been violent before. And I'm sure he doesn't meant to flung it so close to you either. Go get some help with the baby, soon!! Good luck!!

Answer 6

It sounds like some time apart might help get things back to square one. Do you have a close relative that you may be able to spend a week or so with?

He needs to get control of his anger before it does result in violence. I understand that working 70 hours a week makes for a very tired, very moody person. He needs to find a different outlet then you and the baby to take his frustration out on.

Answer 7

From what u have explained.. Seems like both of u need time just u and him. U dont have time for yourself at all. .U work and go to school plus take care of your child. do u and him ever just sit down and talk about whatever is on ur mine. I know u dont want ur relationship going down the tube.. Communication is a big factor in a relationship.. If u dont have that then u cant have relationship. Just pray about it and hope for the best. .just talk to him and tell him how u feel and that u really want to work things out.. if its not meant to be then dont stress urself.. A child can feel what u feel.
good luck to u and god bless u

Answer 8

No matter what anyone says, EVERY relationship is rocky. I really wouldn't take the blinds thing too personally. We all get angry and one time or another and throw things across the room. I've done this a few times. BUT if his behavior continues, then yeah, I would probably try my best to get out of this relationship even though it'll be very hard to do. I wish you the best!

Answer 9

I'm no relationship expert,however it sounds to me like you need some time together,you need to go out maybe for a meal and a drink and basically just spend time together away from your home even if its once a week,cause it sounds to me all of your time is spent working,going to school and general house duties. If that doesn't work please get help from marriage guidance,as i think you have something worth saving from what u wrote. If you dont get help the upset could affect your child,they know when something is wrong.Very best of luck to you both.

Answer 10

probably you to have to much going on around you at the same time. School, work and a baby is heavy stuff. Maybe you need to spend some time alone with each other. Try and remember what made you fall in love with each other in the first palce. Too much tension. Try some freaky sex or something, don't just give up.

Answer 11

Hi Hun.
Reading this just sounded like i had written it myself.
I have a 8 month old daughter with my partner, We struggle like hell too even though we both work.
When my little girl was 3 weeks old i left my partner for a week and went and stayed with my sister (took the baby with me) I think he realised just how much he needed us and loved us and changed almost over night.
We still have our diffrences but that definately helped.
Is there somewhere you can go for a few nights just to have a break?
Really hope you work things out x