Dealing with the death of a family member?

Question

Two years ago my little brother passed away. At the time my husband and I were not yet married. But he flew into my hometown to be there for me. We got married 3 months later. I find comfort in talking about my brother, and sharing memories, but I get the feeling it makes my husband uncomfortable. What can I do? Should I just hold all my feelings and thoughts inside, or should I talk about him, and let my husband deal with his feelings?

Answer 1

Nicole, men and women has different ways of showing emotion. For us, we always show it and we love to talk about those memories that kept us close to our family. For men, they rather keep it because they grew up knowing man don't cry at all, and its not manly to talk about death in the family.
Let me suggest something to you, and see if it will help you,next time that you want to talk about your little brother,instead of telling your husbnd about him, buy a diary,write everything that you know and remember about him. You can do it everyday and you'll see that it will make your heart fonder, and one day your children will read how much their mom loved her little brother,even whe he passed away. Write everything and it will help you ease the pain and it will turn to a wonderful book about your brother.
Don't be offended if your husband don't like hearing it, his a man,nothing less. I hope that this help............

Answer 2

Maybe it makes him feel uncomfortable since he didn't know your Little brother and doesn't know how to make you feel better about his death. I would definitely try to talk to him and see where his feelings are.

I am sure your husband loves you a great deal, and I understand that no one can tell you how long to grieve for, so as long as you guys talk things out with one another, and perhaps if you guys need help from a therapist to establish communication or listening skills, maybe it will help you both.

I'm really sorry about your Little brother's loss, I couldn't imagine how sad and helpless that must have made you feel. I hope you take comfort in the fact that your brother will always live in your heart and memories.

Answer 3

ask your hubby if talking about your brother makes him uncomfortable. it might be that he feels he needs to fix this for you and cant i lost my sister in Feb and understand how you feel its hard to lose a sibling.please don't keep it bottled up it will make it worse if hubby has a hard time dealing with your grief then find someone a friend a family member someone to talk to we cant just ignore the grief we have to deal with it.

Answer 4

Explain to your husband that it makes you feel better to speak of your brother. Show him the poem below too. It always helps me.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
Author Unknown

Answer 5

At the risk of sounding cold...I would think that after 2 years one would start to come to grips over a death...Dwelling on something like this is unhealthy...both to you and your marriage...You have to put it behind you..I'm not saying to forget your brother, but I'm quite sure he would tell you the same thing...Let him rest in peace....

Answer 6

talk to him about everything including his feelings

Answer 7

Alcohol helps to numb the pain. I lost my Grandpa, my baby (etopic pregnancy) and my mom.