Do you think cheating means no respect or love?

Question

I dont. My husband cheated on me last year when he was away for almost a year working in Mississippi after the hurricane. So many people on here say that if you cheat then you odnt truley love or respect your partner. After months of counseling and working on our marriage I have realized that, no amount of love or respect he had for me would have stopped what happened. We were thrown into awful, miserable circumstances, and HIS actions I do beleive were caused by the lack of repsect and love he had for himself. As much as he hurt me, I do not think he went into his affair with those intentions. I do not think he even thought about the outcome. By his own admission he was stupid selfish and was not thinking. I know he would take it all back if he could, but he cant. So I had to decide to walk away from my best friend and husband after 12 yrs...I decided to stay, and it was worth it. WE ARE GREAT! He has hurt himself more than you could imagine, but my forgiveness helps. *****continued**

I do realize that not all relationships can be saved, but I feel that its worth trying. I do not think cheating on someone reflects how you feel about them, I think it reflects how you feel about yourself and your own flaws. I know deep in my heart my husband loves and repsects me. Most of you may disagree, but I beleive it.

Answer 1

I know exactly what you mean. I too posted questions on here when I learned of my husbands affair and some of these people made it sound like he was a monster. I understand you wanting to defend the person you love, but you must realize most people on here have not experianced the situation and are only telling you what they Think they would do. Just like you said he cheated because of his flaws...not yours. If you can make it work, it is worth it!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I am glad that you could work things out and you are two of the lucky ones. However, cheating for any reason is a lack of respect and love for your spouse. There are many men and women serving over seas right now that risk their lives every day. For the risk they are taking if their wives or husbands don't hold that in high enough regard other than to cheat on them because of being lonely, then that is definitely a lack of respect and love for them. You can whitewash it all that you want to, but cheating is a choice and not forced upon a person. If you choose to cheat you cannot possibly say you had no choice in the matter unless rape is involved.

Answer 3

That's great that things worked out for the two of you! I've been cheated on and I have a friends who are married who the husband cheated on the spouse. Personally, I agree with the lack of respect and love fact. Not to mention trust. He cheated on her two years ago and to this day, she doesn't trust him. I was in my 20s when I was cheated on, I moved on dated other people. I have a wonderful man in my life now, and we can't imagine being without each other =) It's a trust/respect issue if one cheats.

Answer 4

My sister went through the same thing. He was away working, had an affair. He came home, she found out and forgave him. Less than a year later he cheated again!! You can love and forgive if you want, but the old saying that once a cheat always a cheat certainly applies to more situations than not.

Answer 5

A cheating spouse does not often mean lack of respect and love for the other party but its essentially a character flaw on the part of the cheating spouse.

It is an apparent lack of self control and discipline to stay on the line despite all the pressures. These pressures are there all of the time but it behoves us to resist them and stay clean but sometimes, some of us cave in and the damage would be done.

However, I must commend your strength and the uncommon maturity which you have exhibited in this matter. The Lord will give you the grace to continue being who you are and to forget the past and receive his healing balm.

Answer 6

I believe Trust is more important than monogamy. That is a line in a Savage Garden song. They had two of the most popular love songs of the 90's and that is a line in a different song. Go figure! LOL! I agree it is so true. Sex does not equal love or lack there of. I think most peoples issue with infidelity is the violation of trust not necessarily the act of physical love. Most people have an unspoken rule of sex is for us only once married or commited. If you violate that invisible rule than that means you don't love anymore apparently. I don't agree.

Answer 7

It's good that you see this very every angle. But do you trust him now? Who's to say that when the road gets rough again he's not going to step out again? Are you prepared for that? I think you have done everything right and you obviously love him and respect that he is your husband. Communicate with eachother religously!!!! If you are open about what's going on you may give eachother the one thing they feel is lacking..mutual interest.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are quick to excuse him. If you can do that, hurray, but be cautious that it doesn't come back to bite you emotionally and unexpectedly down the road. Cheaters are almost always low on self esteem and will do whatever it takes to build that up. Very few people are able to make it work. The triggers are the worst. I have a web site that might help you as it addresses building the marriage after infidelity.

Answer 9

I could never trust him again. No amount of love and respect will make a difference without trust.

Answer 10

hi,
it is good that you can put your trust in your husband after what he did, and that you feel that he may or will not do it again. but i have to ask why are you asking this question if you are so confident that he will not do it again, i say cheat on me once shame on you,cheat on me twice shame on me, cheat on me thrice then you make me the fool. so watch your back.