Just a question to ponder for those that say "never'?

Question

I see so many people on here say I would NEVER cheat or my spouse would "never" cheat on me, I just do not understand how people can be so sure about the future. I beleive everyone has ideas of how things should be, but the truth is you never know what lies ahead. Everyone can say what they THINK would or would not happen. Do you think people that end up cheating or having affairs planned it? DO you think their goal was to grow up to be an adulterer. There was atime when they too said they would never cheat. And to the people that say their spouse would NEVER cheat...don't you think all the betrayed spouses out there thought the same thing...or else they would not have married them. I know cheating is awful and hurtful, but I am tired of people telling others to dump the cheater or once a cheat always a cheat. We are all humans, and are all cpable of making mistakes. AND NO I AM NOT A CHEATER, BUT I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF ANYONE AGREES WITH WHAT I SAID.

Answer 1

I agree, the only persons actions I can vouch for are my own, and I do not even know what the future holds. Like you said, I would like to think I would never cheat, but sometimes things happen before you even realize what has happened. My husband cheated...and I know the pain...I certainly have no plans to put anyone through that.

Answer 2

I think you are right in that they never intended to cheat, but there are two types of relationships.

There are relationships built on true friendship and trust. These are the relationships that never have cheaters. Think about it, when have you ever done something super hurtful to your best friend? When have you violated the trust granted to you by your best friend? When have treated your best friend with no respect?

There are relationships built on characteristics. Whether the characteristics are looks, money, charm, charisma, fun, excitement or anything else these relationships will fail. There either will be cheating or divorce most of the time. Looks fade, money gets boring, charm becomes old and charisma becomes tiring. The people who marry for reasons other than true friendship and full trust are the ones who stray.

As far as once a cheater always a cheater, that is pretty much a fact. Cheaters are not trustworthy and do not respect their partners. Cheaters are not true friends and therefore are unlikely to be true friends in their next relationship.

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but cheating is much more than a simple mistake. Either you know that you are married and cannot start a second relationship or you don't. There is no in between. There is no reason to feel free to get too close to someone else without thinking of your partner. Once your partner comes into your mind, why would you not stop getting so close to this other person?

Take care,
Troy

Answer 3

People that say they would never cheat have the luxory of living in a committed relationship where the people honestly love each other.

There are many that do not have that luxory and the reality of how awful some marriages are is devastating. You can be the partner that has made every effort you can and bent over backwards to try to make it work and still end up getting cheated on.

Or you can be the partner that has made every effort you can and your spouse just will not have sex with you and then what should you do? Join the priesthood?

I don't think once a cheater always a cheater is appropriate for most...

Answer 4

I absolutely agree with what you said....

Just because you cheated once, it doesn't make you a cheater forever... but then unfortunately you are branded as a cheater and that isn't fair. We are all humans and we all make mistakes.

All I know is that if you're not getting the action at home, you gotta get it somewhere. I can't say that I will never cheat because I don't know what the future holds, but what I do know is that I will NEVER live in a loveless and sexless relationship.

Answer 5

i totally agree with you.
Actually, most people who utter the words, "i will never cheat on you" are actually the ones who end up cheating... i forget what relationship book i was reading that said that- anyways though.. i agree with you and don't think you are a cheater just for posting this- there is NO WAY to predict the future and what it brings.

Answer 6

I don't think that anyone plans it. I think it just happens. And I don't think ANYONE can say "Never" about ANYTHING.

I also agree that the notion of "once a cheater, always a cheater" is incorrect. In some cases, there may have been a specific set of circumstances that led to it, that will never be repeated again.

I *do* agree that "once you've cheated, it's easier to cheat again," but I think that's true of any "crime." Once you've done it the first time, it's a whole lot easier to do it again.

Answer 7

I understand what you're saying, I would always say that to. But it holds true to me now, after having been cheated on by my spouse. It's not a cool feeling, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So I can say with out a doubt I would ever cheat anyone.

Answer 8

I don't agree. My husband and I have both been affected by adultery and we both know firsthand the effects it has on a family. My mother left my father when I was 11 for her married boss (who's wife finally found out 5 years later, forcing him to move in with us). And my husband's father cheated on his mother with a coworker when my husband was 8. He saw the pain it caused his mother and I saw the pain it caused my father. Mentally, it screwed us both up. Neither of us were ever able to trust in a relationship... until we found each other. Now we have an amazingly wonderful relationship and neither of us would sacrifice that.

Answer 9

I agree with the fact that we are all human and we can't control our emotions. BUT, we can control our actions. You don't have to be a cheater. Just because the thoughts are there doesn't mean you have to follow through with it.

Answer 10

I agree...I am married and i love my husband but i can never assure myself 100% that i will never cheat but of course as much as possible i will not do it...we are all humans and whether you agree it or not we are all weak when it comes to love and attraction...Its just depend on us how to control and escape in infidelity or cheating or whatever you call it...