My husband has been cheating over the internet for quite some time. I have caught him before, however he simply denies it and says it is just a fantasy that he plays out and it never goes any futher (i.e. he never meets the women). I did not believe him in the past but I did not have much more than text messages and emails. Well Saturday I found a bunch of text messages from a woman talking about their dates. I got the number and I want to call her just to verify the type of relationships it is. I am not mad, I am not mad at her I don't blame her. IF I ask him, he is just going to blow smoke up my ***. I want the truth. She can have him if this is the case. should i call her? and what should I say? I don't want to put her on the defensive, I just want to know the truth. I just don't want her to shut down on me. Thoughts!? Please help!
2007-03-19 04:53:58 · 38 answers · asked by Cassie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I absolutely think that you should call her. I think you should be honest when you call her and open knowing that she may not know he is married. He could have been telling her all of this time that he isn't married and has no commitments and she may not be aware that he is this kind of man. I think that telling her this and hearing the reaction from her will let you know if she previously knew you existed or not. If she did, wish her happiness with your now free husband and call the lawyer either way.....best case cenario........you both dump him and worst case cenario......she takes him in but either way you are on to bigger and better things! Don't ever question whether you could do better.......you def. couldn't do worse.......take care of you and put yourself first. best of luck in your hard situation. Keep your chin up and know that he doesn't deserve you!
2007-03-19 11:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay. Your husband is lying to you and cheating on you, and thinks that his form of cheating is acceptable THAT is the truth. Anything else you might hear from someone else is just details. This woman that he's talking to isn't really involved in this, she's just some chick that's caught up in your bullshyt.
Personally, I would recommend that you decide now whether or not you can live like this. He will never change. If he was going to change or was afraid of you finding out, he'd have stopped once you started asking questions. If you can live with him this way, stop looking for more proof of what you already know, and find your own happiness out there. If you can't, copy the hard drive of his computer and bring it to a divorce lawyer, along with any other proof of infidelity. Start moving money out of joint accounts so that he can't take it all if he's pissed off at being caught. Start making a plan to leave. And I'd also stop having sex with him. God knows what diseases he's picked up in his travels....
2007-03-26 03:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by Vix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know you personally, but I have heard that some very wealthy men do this all the time. I don't know the real situation other than, if its true, dump him and get the cash!! I don't know if you go to church and want to save your marriage, but that's an option too. You should pray and see how you feel about it. I mean, I need more info.. are there kids involved? homes? how much time invested.. Even so cheating is wrong, never put up with it. Its bad for your well being, and it is a sin too. Sorry I can't give you more advice. I am happily married. We work on our relationship all the time.. lots of time together. I notice how people think its just automatically going to work.. good luck with that.
2007-03-24 15:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by Denise K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have done this twice and made two good female friends this way. The women did not know about me. They were surprised to find out that they were sharing someone with me. It was hard, but when I picked up the phone I had made up my mind that I was going to tell my story to the woman on the other side and hopefully stop us all from being more hurt. It was painful and tearful but telling the truth helped both of us. The other women confronted the men in these situations and I walked away. I do not have any regrets about doing this. Why suffer if you know the number then just call and stop this situation from progressing. Good luck.
2007-03-25 23:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by justclicktherubyslippers 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should all the mistress and tell her to come and get him. How much more abuse are you going to take? This is so not right. I don't think think it will make a difference to call and find out what kind of relationship this is w/ her ....you already know. Why can't he play these fantasies out w/ you. I would get out of this marriage. You really should be mad. Don't let him run over you!!
You sound like a nice person.....but sometimes you are too nice!! Save tour self the humiliation. Call the lady and tell her that he is married and that he is cheating not only on you but her w/ me!!!
2007-03-19 08:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by ~Stepa♥~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a very subjective question. Some feel that cyber-sex is cheating, others feel it is simply inter-active pornography. By subjective, I'm saying that you have to decide what it is to you....and then as someone who loves you, your husband needs to respect that. I wonder how forgiving he'd be if you had a few online 'fantasy' boyfriends??
Now, you've found a phone number and reference to 'dates'...pretty good indication that his inter-active fantasy has become much more of a reality. Do you call her? Yes...the worst thing that can happen is that she'll hang up on you. BUT you may get the answers you're looking for. Just be ready to hear the answers when they're given. And be ready to make any decisions you may need to make - up to and including the possibility of ending your marriage.
2007-03-25 07:52:50 · answer #6 · answered by adollorthreeninetyfive 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand the "lovely life" you say you have with this person. Where is it? Between the cheating and his love for his mistress? Or in his "brutal honesty" and saying to your face he nearly left you for her? Very "lovely" indeed. Or by "lovely" you mean material possessions, a nice house, money, etc? Cause I don't see any emotional connection or kindness here. Anyway, since you have apparently decided to stay with this person no matter how much of an ***hole he has been to you, you have to stop thinking about what happened and both of you start working on your relationship. See if there is anything left to salvage. Of course, this means that he has to cut ALL contact with the other woman and concentrate fully on you, his family. Good luck.
2016-03-29 06:13:52 · answer #7 · answered by Patricia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give the benefit of the doubt, most probably the girl doesn't know that he is married so, you better call the girl and set a date with her and talk it over coz I have a friend who was once a victim of this type of guy. She thought the guy was totally single and all of a sudden she found out that its the other way around and she really feels guilty coz the wife was so nice with her when they were talking on the phone.
Well it broke her heart but she left the guy coz the relationships foundation was all with lies. So, call the girl and have it settled. Best of Luck!
2007-03-25 07:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by !!!Rain!!! ! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the kind of relationship you two have, then sorry to say, he doesn't love you the same way you love him. It is totally inappropriate and not just that...you said he doesn't actually meet up with them but....if you play with fire long enough, you WILL get burned. The further he goes with it, the easier it will be to eventually cheat. Im not encouraging you to bail out on the marriage, but before you guys can have a normal loving marriage, this dispicable habit of his needs to be done away with.. Imagine the peace of mind you would have if it was.
2007-03-23 19:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, now I have had some experience in this department! If you really want to catch him you really need to put some thought into it. call her and tell her that your his" sister" or something, tell her that his wife found out about her and is going to leave him, (throw in to the conversation that the "family" doesn't like her(you) anyway.)either she will say she had no idea about the wife or she will spill her guts to the "sister" trying to make herself look good to the "family" It's worth a try. My first husband fell for this, only I found a phone number in his wallet and called him and pretended to be the other woman,I had to change my voice but told him I was outside and he believed me.I told him to meet me at a time and place and when he showed up I was there!!! He had a hard time explaining that one!!
2007-03-23 15:06:29 · answer #10 · answered by Roslyn L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋