Okay, my boyfriend is a truck driver who is on the road for maybe a week or two at a time. We've been dating for almost 2 years. We always get into these arguments because when he comes home he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, he has his best friend who is also a truck driver that he goes and hangs out with whenever he is home. And if his friend isn't home, he sits and watches TV, plays on the internet, or calls all of his friends for hours at a time. I'm not trying to be "clingy" but I went from a house of 4 people, to a house of eight people to just me and him and it's lonely when he's on the road. Our cat doesn't seem to help too much either. We just got into an argument over the weekend because he helped his friend out then came home went to bed and woke up the next day to leave. Our sex life is in the drain and all I want is a little time, not to mention help around the house every once in awhile. My mom seems to think he's afraid of commitment. What should I do?
2007-03-19 04:52:10 · 24 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I live with him, keep in mind if I "leave him" I would have to move out. I have nowhere to go, and I can't go back to mom and dad's house because I put a PFA against my father.
2007-03-19 04:58:38 · update #1
I live with him- in his mother's apartment, she owns it but doesn't live here, and his mom and I get along real well, she said he's mad because he knows hes wrong, and to give him a couple days to come around. He hasn't called me since he left on Saturday Morning. And I'm not calling him because I'd be giving in.
2007-03-19 05:05:24 · update #2
I understand you've been with him for a while, and love him, but that isn't fair to you at all. You'd think he'd be dying to see you, touch you, love you as SOON as he comes home. He obviously has different needs than you do. I'd think about ending this part of your life, sorry
good luck though!
2007-03-19 04:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by Kaja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just might end up being what your mom thinks. But I think that you should maybe scare him a little bit and tell him that your going to leave if he doesn't start showing some love around the house. It's not fair to you to have NO time with him. If that's the case why should you continue having a life with him. Might as well be on your own because it seems that you already are right now. At least you could be finding someone that wants to spend time with you. Relationships are a two way street.....you can't do it on your own! If you don't feel comfortable leaving him right away then maybe act like you just don't care about spending time with him either for the next couple of times he is home. See how he likes it when the tables are turned. I know it will probably be hard to do but he has to know how it feels.
2007-03-19 05:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by Kayla W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I would confront him about his actions. Sometimes men try to put women in positions where we will do the breaking up so they won't have to. In order to achieve this, they will start being unavailable, make excuses why they can't be around, etc.
Afraid of committment is a serious possibility, however it may be that he just isn't interested in the relationship any longer and you need to find out!
So take some time to discuss the relationship with him. IF he cannot make time for this, then you have your answer in a sense... If he isn't willing to make time for you EVER, then you make the call and make the break. If the relationship means anything to him at all, you will find out easily. Stop wasting your life and your time with someone who doesn't reciprocate!
Good luck! :)
2007-03-19 04:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by ivy9toes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By his actions, I think your mom is wrong. He isn't afraid of commitment. He enjoys his current lifestyle of having a pretend wife with no legal ties to her. Sort of like renting a car. He can drive it until he's tired of it and then turn it back in without having another payment to make. If he wanted to tell you to get out so he could have another girl move in he is free to do so without worrying about splitting his assets up to give you half. Many guys like living this way. That's why I disagree with people living together before marriage. If a guy wants to live with you then he needs to marry you. If you are cleaning house, washing clothes, making sure the bills get paid, and satisfying his sexual needs(when he finally decides he wants you to) why would he want to marry you for what he is already getting. This way he can simply tell you to leave when he is tired of you. He is using you. Get wise to this and move on to someone else. I'm sorry you are getting a lesson this way, but sometimes it takes one louse to teach you how to recognize other ones. Keep your faith that not all men are alike - there are good ones out here!
2007-03-19 05:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a husband that leaves up to two weeks at a time. He misses us and his home. So it sounds like its more than just a commitment issue. He is willing to hang out with his buds instead of you. I think its time to move on. From what your saying there isn't much of a relationship now anyway. Think very carefully about what your next step will be....you can either talk to him and hope he changes or if there is no improvement start looking beyond him.
2007-03-19 05:00:19 · answer #5 · answered by ilisalec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say after two years and if nothings changed and it's been discussed, I'd say it might be time to move on. I've dated guys who acted that way, and when I realized the situation, I broke up with them and moved on. It's one thing to be on the road all of the time, that's someone's full time job, but when being home and they'd rather spend it with friends or anything else but you, I wouldn't think to stick around to much longer. =) Good luck and best wishes!
2007-03-19 04:57:31 · answer #6 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously is living a 'single' life despite you, and going home is nothing more to him than a quick layover at a truck stop. I'd let him have his single life - which obviously he is living anyway. If you are living in your place, I'd pack up his gear and chuck it in the garage (or wherever) and have it ready for him on the next few minutes he can spare to stop in. If it is his place, I'd pack up all my stuff and clear out. He is obviously tuning you right out of his life. Don't hang around and waste your time with him.
2007-03-19 05:01:29 · answer #7 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to sabotage the relationship. He doesn't want to tell you that it's over he rather just piss you off until you decide he's an asshole and you leave. He has cut himself emotionally from you and is ready to move on. It's an old trick that seems to work well , but it takes women forever to realize. I would just move on and find somebody that wants to be around you and has a better job so they can spend time with you.
2007-03-19 04:57:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, he's just not interested. Time to move on and not waste any more time of him. Sorry, I know its probably not what you want to hear...but be realistic and honest with yourself...you are alone anyway so you might as well be free. Pack yourself up and be gone when he returns next time. Wishing and hoping won't change anything. Take action.
2007-03-19 04:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is... and worse he's just using you for now although deep inside he seems to love you... you should try to talk to him without reclaiming things... try telling him what you want to do in the future... like: "baby, have you ever had the thought of getting married to me and we raising a family together?" or something like that... and if it's time you want him to spend with you then since he loves to watch so much tv... the the next time when he's coming home get some romantic movies or something that both of you can watch and sit and watch tv with him... or when he gets home and jumps in bed... jump in bed along with him... try to put yourself in his shoes... and try to make him happy and he'lll react amking you happy too...
2007-03-19 05:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Wenke_91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋