My husband played hockey on the weekend in town it was a tournament. I saw him the morning Saturday and he didn't come home until 11pm, he left and went out with the boys until 2am. The next day was the same but was home at midnight. I understand that he loves to play but he did have ample time in between to at least come home and see his family. I had the weekend off and he did spend some time with me Friday but I was hurt that he didn't seem to care the rest of the weekend (he didn't bother to ask me to come out with him).
This is not the only time he does this. Often times he will get caught up in whatever and just carry on (sometimes three or four days at a time without thinking twice about me or his kids) Should I be upset or am I over reacting. It's not that I want to cut out his fun but shouldn't there be a limit. He doesn't get many of the same days off as me and coming home for a few hours wouldn't kill him, would it.
2007-03-19 04:36:30 · 25 answers · asked by trojan 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He plays hockey two or more times a week, I don't have a problem with that, it's when he carries on with a weekend we both have off is when I do.
Also note that when we do go out, he ends up leaving me most of the night to talk with his buddies. I don't see him until the night is over and he just doesn't see a thing wrong with it. I have talked to him and he does get better but then it happens all over again (like this weekend). How many times does it take to get it through his head.
2007-03-19 05:16:34 · update #1
Sounds like you need to remind him he is not single, he has a family at home waiting for him. He is doing this because he can.... You haven't said anything because you don't want to cut into his fun, you need to say something! He can have fun and be there for his family too.You should always be his priority.
2007-03-19 04:47:22 · answer #1 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not enough info.
Its a matter of how frequently he is doing this. You say its 'not the only time' but are we talking about once a month, 3 weekends out of 4, 4 times a year?
Think about what you want. Do you really want a few hours here and there? If so, tell him that's important to you. On the other hand, maybe you'd prefer that some weekends he does his own thing, and other times you have his undivided attention. If so, tell him that's what you need. Speak up! Don't complain about what he does or has done, tell him with love and desire what it is you want from him. Saying 'I hate it when you go off and play hockey' is not going to get what you want as much as 'I want you all to myself for a weekend'.
2007-03-19 11:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can say you are wrong. I get your point, and you have grounds to talk to your husband and ask for more time, on a nice way. I am not kidding, I have seen some time ago a magazine about a lady with similar problems, and she was saying that she started a course on kama sutra and some other techiniques, and now her husband "cant wait" to get home and be with her. No, it is not a reply from someone who just wants to give an irritating immature reply about sex :-) I am sayign the truth.
She said at the magazine that now her husband has got to the point of making up excuses not to leave home :-)
On my side, I have been separated and alone for so long that the idea of having a husband sounds so great to me :-) that if I had one coming home once a week I would be happy LOL :-) but now seriously: I think you have grounds for a serious conversation, yes. But you can also make it light, and have candle lights, romance, and all you can think of at the days you are both home :-) Pamper him! ;-)
2007-03-19 12:05:37 · answer #3 · answered by Graça 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. comming home for a few hours to spend with his wife and kids wouldnt hurt. It really depends on the kind of person he is...or the kind of work he does...Is he a perfectionist and his job is never good enough or done enough to suit him? I went through this.This could sound to the general population of people that do not have a husband married to their work like he has something on the side. or someone. But by giving him the benefit of the doubt, just realize he may feel he NEEDS to work. I am speaking from experience -I thought that my husband would NEVER go out on me...which is a bad way to think. But sometimes it is pressures of kids and the wife at home...do you think that you NAG him? I personally hate that word. Last fall my husband was gone every night for 2 months after dinner because(as it turned out) he was REALLY working on something that needed to get done and with him being a perfectionist, it was never good enough- I started feeling the same way as you do I started thinking something was going on so not knowing what his secretary looked like or any of the other women he worked with I started asking him what they looked like and if they ever stayed late to work. Without comming right out and saying what my thoughts were, he got a pretty general idea - then he started comming home earlier. I would guess if you were to try this and it doesnt help the situation there might be someone else. If you can sit down with him have a heart to heart.This would show him you're thinking about him and giving him the benifit of the doubt not yourself which is what I found out is what men think when you outwardly accuse them without any proof. I would also tell him what you think might be going on as the reason he doesnt come home and he might get scared that you'll take his children and leave. ..OR NOT...
GOOD LUCK
2007-03-19 12:21:21 · answer #4 · answered by julie w 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's asking too much to come home and be with him family when you are off. Tell him that. Plan on him having a "guy weekend" once a month and when you have time off, you come first. If he doesn't want to compromise, lock his as*s outside or don't be home when he staggers in at 2AM. Take your kids to a motel and have some fun without him! He needs to learn his family comes first, not his friends. If you don't step up, he's just going to continue doing what he wants.
2007-03-19 11:44:06 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience I believe that all couples should have their alone time. Time to spend with friends and persue their own interests. The key, and what seems to escape most couples is BALANCE!
You should set time aside to talk to him about it, when you are both calm and set some ground rules. Be clear as to what you expect from him. Explain to him how you and the children feel when he does not spend time with you.
Above everything else... Request do not demand! If you demand, he will only get defensive. After taking this approach any loving husband and father will see things your way.
Good luck!
2007-03-19 13:08:46 · answer #6 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you talking to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this instead of talking to your husband. The dude isn't a mind reader. Go to him, tell him you have a problem, do not yell, do not get upset. He is not doing anything wrong out of malice or spite but out of ignorance. Or better yet instead of going and saying "honey your doing somthing I don't like." Go to him and suggest he include you and the kids in the hockey game. That way he will have no reason to go on the defensive.
2007-03-19 12:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by Coyote81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not overreacting. A husbands place is with his wife. He took a marriage vow with you , not his buddies. I assume you have already talked to him about your feelings. If not, that is where you should start. I keep refering people to a book that saved my marriage. It's called, "His needs, her needs" by W. Harley. If you can get your hubby to read it, it would serve you both well. We men can be blind sometimes, especially when we're young. It takes a slap in the face to wake us up to see what we have in our wives. I hope you don't have to get to that point. Talk to him and tell him how serious it is. There is a great webite that follows the book. They have a discussion board too. Some wise folks moderate that board, you should check it out. www.marriagebuilders.com . Do everything you can to save your marriage.
2007-03-19 11:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no you are not asking too much at all!! I hate to say this but your husband sounds immature and selfish. My ex husband used to do the same to me but I got tired of it and I started to do things with my kids [ and without ]. We took skiing lessons and started to go to friends and family's houses and basically started to have a life. Well guess what happened!, he started to get a little jealous and he started to spend more time with us, going skiing and we started to go on family vacations. It was great, best time in our marriage [ we did end up divorcing but that's another story ]. So my advice to you is to stop waiting around for him and start enjoying life and maybe he will appreciate what he has at home!! Good luck.
2007-03-19 12:31:30 · answer #9 · answered by oneontaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now I'm not a hockey player but I'd almost bet he wasn't playing hockey all that time. He's got all this time for his pals but very little for you and the kids. You have taught him this is acceptable by allowing it to continue. You're not expecting nearly enough of him. He would have to grow up real fast and get his priorities right or he'd find the locks changed.
2007-03-19 11:43:07 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋