I feel terrible even asking this question? Am I gonna be a bad mom?

Question

I am 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, a girl. I am very excited and cant wait for her to get here. however i have actually been getting a little jealous latley. my husband has been great dont get me wrong its just that latley its all about the baby, and yes i know it should be, but like yesterday we had a baby shower and one of the ladys bought a gift for ME a "mommy gift" she called it. it was a candle and a tube of lotion. well last night my hubby put my candle in the nursery and put my lotion on the changing table i told him i wanted to put the candle in my room he said it is for the baby when i told him it was a gift for me he said it needs to go in the nursery and i need to stop thinking of just me that " its all about the baby now" its just a lot of little things like that that keep adding up. Am I a terrible mom for even asking this question. I really do feel selfish

Answer 1

Please grab your husband and have him read my response....because the best answer I can give is directed towards him.
Dear Proud New Daddy To Be,
The lady who is about to give birth to your child loves you and her child so very much. She wants for your baby to have only the very best. Please remember that in order for her to be the very best Mommy she can be, she needs your love and support at this time, and always. A new mother should be REMINDED often how special and important she is. She is not just the vessel that will be bringing forth Your child, she is also the person that will be responsible for the direct care of your baby. If Mommy is made to feel unimportant, insecure, unhappy, and insignificant, then your child will sense her mother's emotions, and in turn, will not grow up to be the happy well adjusted child they deserve to be. So no, It ISN'T all about the baby now, it is about your entire family. I suggest that you take the candle out of the nursery, along with the baby's baby oil, bring them into your bedroom, and proceed to give your child's mother a sensual and loving massage. There won't be a lot of time for those things pretty soon. After all, Doesn't your child's Mother deserve ONLY THE BEST?

Answer 2

I am having similar feelings about becoming a mother. I know that this is a time when horomones are high and emotions are heightened, but this is an extremely valid concern. You are not being selfish, most of the time you have to believe that if you have a secure sense of well-being, you can better pass that along to your new, baby girl. How can you become less nurtured and expect to be able to nurture your baby? Kindness, concern, love, and all the other emotional communications that people need are not limited in the amount that one person can give, but unlimited. This is a time for people around you to give more of these things to you, and as a result they will have even more to give to the baby when it gets here.

Your feelings don't seem to be related to the physical objects, this is about your husband choosing between you and the baby, and he shouldn't be doing that. When he chooses you, he is choosing the baby and vise vera. You need to be honest with him about how you feel and really make him listen and understand. Remember, your feelings are not crazy or wrong, they are telling you something, that you need to be cared for.

Your friends that gave the special gift to you understand this in some part, talk to them about your concerns, I'm sure they would be happy to provide more than a candle and lotion, but loving words and encouragement. You need emotional support, don't be afraid to ask for it straight out.

Answer 3

You ARE NOT a terrible mom for asking--that gift was for YOU not the baby--go take your gift back. As a mom of 3, when I go to showers, I take the baby gift, but I always include a gift for mom also, such as bath salts, lotions, candles, massage certificate, because I feel mom will need a little something also. Tell your husband that a candle in a baby's room can be a fire hazard should he light and leave the room----the candle should be removed. Also if he so into it being all about "baby" right now, tell him that the mommy to be needs to be HAPPY, RELAXED, CALM, and SOOTHED for the upcoming labor process, after all he cannot deliver that baby for you.

Answer 4

You're not going to be a terrible mom because of something simple like this. Every mom and mom-to-be needs some "me time", and that's perfectly acceptable. Tell your husband that the candle and lotion was specificially a "mommy" gift, and therefore you have the right to put it wherever you want it. If he keeps badgering that it's all about the baby now, then let him know that everything he buys for himself will now be going into the nursery, since it's all about the baby.

It's not selfish to want to keep being a woman, as well as a mother and wife.

Answer 5

Not at all!! People forget that the poor Mum has nurtured, carried and given up many aspects of their original lifestyle to ensure their baby has the best possible start in life and know only too well - in more ways than one - that it is all about the baby without people reminding them all the time! The gift was for you and not your baby and I am guessing it probably isn't suitable to have a candle and lotion not intended for a baby in there as it will be wasted.

I think sometimes men cannot comprehend the huge changes we make to ourselves as they don't have to change any part of their lives and they need to be reminded sometimes that we aren't just baby carriers and we can have gifts too!

Perhaps go and visit a salon for some pampering with a girlfriend as this will help you unwind. Don't for a second feel bad about this. Good luck with your baby x x

Answer 6

No, you aren't being selfish at all! In fact, I think it is a little odd that he wants to put a gift that is obviously for you in the baby's room! A candle and lotion (unless it is specifically designed for diaper rash!), doesn't even belong in a baby's room. I know what it is like to be pregnant-it isn't always easy. You deserve some pampering too.

Answer 7

I don't think you're being selfish. You deserve to have some attention from your husband. I think he's getting a bit excited about the baby, and doesn't realise how he's forgetting about your feelings. The candle is yours. Tell him that not everything that's given to you is the baby's. Tell him how you're feeling. You're not going to be a bad mom. And it's not all about the baby. There needs to be room for you, as well as the baby. It seems like he's not thinking about you at all, just the baby. You deserve to have some time devoted to you.

Answer 8

Well, the fact that you are thinking on this line shows you are thinking and caring. It cannot all be about baby. You have your needs too and there is no problem in taking care of your needs in moderation. May be your hubby is so excited about your becoming a mom that he fails to think you still have a personality!

If it continues and you feel really jealous of your baby, consult a good homeopath for help. Hormonal changes and other changes taking place can sometimes have strange effects. God bless all of you.

Answer 9

I think it is normal to feel a little jealouse you are use to it being the 2 of you and soon it will be 3 its also a scary thought to think about the freedom you will be missing when I was pregnant I felt like once the baby waas born maybe my man would treat me different because he was so obbsessed with my pregnancy and baby but trust me when the baby comes out and you see her all those feelings will melt away and if your husband is anything like mine you'll be glad he is so happy about the baby because my man has gotten up with the baby for the last 3 weeks and let me sleep he helps out so much and I truly appreciate that

Answer 10

It's not terrible, it's completely normal and may even escalate after the baby is born. When I say normal, I mean, "in the back of my mind" kind of feeling. The two of you have been just that for so long- 2 of you. It will take some getting used to. Some people are more jealous than others. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have a loving, caring man who will be there for you and your child and will be a great daddy.