What should I do about my wife's male friend?

Question

Here's the thing. My wife, who is 44, started a new job a few months ago that runs from 4am-8am. This puts her at home during the day when most people are working.

At this new job she became friends with a 59-year-old married guy who lives a few miles away. Before long they began getting together on a weekly basis. These get-togethers usually take place when I'm at work, but sometimes they are quite long and extend into the evening. We have also gone out as couples and had a nice time.

I really do trust that my wife is not doing anything inappropriate with this guy. I also realize that she is at home during the day without much human contact. I don't want to be the controlling husband and tell her to stop.

On the other hand, this guy has bought my wife several gifts, even though she's asked him not to, and has told her he is attracted to her. And sometimes I feel she devotes emotional energy to him that could be going to me.

Is there a problem? What should I do about it?

Answer 1

I would explain to her that while you trust her completely, you do not think it is appropriate for him to purchase her gifts and that you feel his intentions are more than just friendly.

Let her know that you are concerned for her and you don't want to see her end up in an awkward or difficult situation.

Answer 2

I would put a stop to it now!! Remember everybody starts out as friends. I agree 100% with you that your wife should be putting all her energy into her marriage. I would wonder what they talk about all the time...you...your marriage...the kids? Whatever it is she should be talking to YOU about it. I have a problem with my partner talking about me to someone else. As far as what to do...tell her that this relationship is making you uncomfortable. She will probably say 'but were just friends' and 'nothing will happen', you need to remind her that something already has. Does his wife know about the little gifts? Does she know that her husband is attracted to another woman? I'm sure if she did SHE would put a stop to this! Your wife is getting off on all this attention and quite frankly, I think she's an a**, if she thinks that this is ok. Ask her how she would feel if it was YOU entertaining female friends while she is at work. Something is going on and you as her husband need to stop it!!! Good luck.

I just read your question again and it blows my mind that your wife uses the excuse ' i'm home alone all day and I need human contact ', what b*****t. I was a stay at home mom and my husband was gone all week and there were times I was really lonely. However, never once did I think of disrespecting my husband the way your wife disrespects you. I know this sounds harsh but I think it needs to be because you seem to be very relaxed about this whole thing. Your wife is making this seem like it's all the guys fault..it's not. Obviously, your wife is encouraging this friendship. Please get your head out of your **** and put a stop to this now.

Answer 3

I would not say that your wife has any intention of things going too far, but I have been in this situation myself. The problem is your wife enjoys the attention and thinks that she is mature enough to keep it under control, and is fooling herself into thinking that his intentions are completely platonic. However if you look at it, men do not usually have female Friends that they would never sleep with. If given the opportunity, most women that men have gone out of their way to make good friends are worth sleeping with. It sounds to me like this guy is setting up an emotional relationship, and that is dangerous. Although your wife may think she has it under control, the more personal they get with each other, the more he will fulfill certain needs she doesn't even know she has. In my opinion male friends on the level that you are describing, are completely unnecessary when you are married. I would talk to your wife and let her know that you're uncomfortable with the situation. Tell her you don't mind the couples interaction, but you think that if she is looking for companionship during the day she should look elsewhere. Also pay attention to what you wife may be crying out for from you, show her some love and affection, make sure that she knows that you love her and you're not going to let anyone show you up. Ask her what things she would like to do and help her look for ways to spend her time that would give her something to do that will make her feel good without the attention of this man. And above all make sure she knows that you understand that her intentions are purely innocent right now, but because of his action, and the fact that you are also a man, you do not believe the same of him, and it would just make you feel better if it did not continue.

Answer 4

This is a bad sign. This guy has an infatuation for your wife and it will get progressively stronger. Your wife can also be seeking his attention due to the offset hours that the two of you work. It may be innocent on her part right now, but that could change(if it hasn't already). You should talk to your wife and make her realize that even though she says there is nothing going on, by her involvement with him she is leading him to believe that something more will develop otherwise he wouldn't be acting the way he is. If she cannot understand that this behavior is inappropriate then I would suspect that she may have ulterior motives here. Most women are smart enough to have stopped this by now unless they are hiding something. Be wary here.

Answer 5

Yes there is a problem.She shouldn't be spending time with any man at all outside of work.Especially in you're home.My husband who's not jealous would flip his wig if I had a guy in our house with out him being here.I really do think you're having thoughts about inappropriate things happening or you wouldn't be asking advise on the matter.And you should be worried because if it's not happening yet,It will be soon.You need to put you're foot down to this.And have a talk with all of them his wife,you're wife and him.One at a time or all together.I would definitely speak to his wife about this to see how she feels.She may not even know what's going on.And if she does I'm sure she feels hurt and rejected like you do.Maybe you 2 could confront them together.Anyone that's married knows that something like this is disrespectful to the other spouses.And is uncalled for.You're wife is enjoying the attention she's getting from a different man.And this attention is dangerous.

Answer 6

I think at the point where he starts bringing her gifts and sharing that he has inappropriate feelings for her, she is ethically bound to put an end to the friendship (in a tactful and caring way, of course). Particularly since he's married as well. It has nothing to do with her feelings toward him - if he's developing feelings toward her, then it's hurting his marriage, and I think it's unethical to knowingly interfere in someone else's marriage. Even though it's painful to let go of a friend that you care about, I think it's necessary in a situation like the one you described.

Add to that the fact that it's making you uncomfortable - and you obviously aren't being super-controlling or you would have had issues with her going out with a guy alone at all. As your wife, part of what she has agreed to is making your feelings come before others (again, as long as there's not a control issue there). Personally, it sounds to me like you've been quite reasonable and that at this point there's some red flags. It's now her job to stop the friendship before the red flags become firestorms.

Answer 7

Yes - if you feel uncomfortable that there definately is a problem. I would pose it to her this way: How would she feel if another woman bought you gifts and told you that she was attracted to you? Would she be fine if you got together with a female coworker for hours on end into the evening? How would he feel if you started buying gifts for this mans wife? I think friendly get togethers are great - but he had really crossed the line - I'm sure his wife doesn't know about the gifts!
This guy isn't just a friend - your wife may enjoy the flattery - but it's bordering on the dangeruos!

Answer 8

Christ man I see these ladies littering the roadway every where I go! She is getting old and feels she is missing the real world. Consolidate your assests, cash in any thing you can , start hidding every thing you can. Get a lawyer and dump the 2-timer! You honestly think nothing is going on! LMAO!! Pull your head out of your ***! I am retired and do this type of thing 3-4 times a month! She is looking for the delusion she has been dreaming about for years and once again thinks she has found it! He is just enjoying some free milk at your expense.She thinks this new guy is special but how many times has she done this and you never found out? You best get out while you can with every thing you can. Strike first! quit your crying and face the facts. Take the advantage.

Answer 9

There is nothing you can do. If your wife chooses to spend time and energy on another man this is something she has to deal with.
I personaly feel this is a huge no no. There is something lacking in your relationship or she would not have to be looking for this thing in some other man, married or not.
It sounds like this other married man has been honest and already told you and/or your wife he is attracted to her. This is a red sign that doesn't sound good.
You are not being jealous you just see the red sign for what it is. How would your wife feel if you found a girlfriend? Have you asked her? Tell your wife how you feel about this dangerous situation? If not you should.
Good luck!

Answer 10

You have to tell your wife what you told us.

She is the master of the situation and its up to her what action she will take.

You have already let this situation go beyond a normal "friendship" and where there is smoke there is fire.

The "guy" is not listening to your wife about presents? This has got out of hand and should be dealt with ASAP...
also no more visits without you being present. Period.

How would your wife feel if the roles were reversed? What Women in their right mind would put up with this "monkey business:"....

You know what to do already...if you have to ask strangers their opinion on such a personal matter...this is not a subject for you to take a survey on...

Answer 11

I labored with all adult males for some years. adult males have a tendency to be much less tactful and picture this is humorous while they comedian tale approximately sexual issues. in the event that they're sturdy acquaintances, the comedian tale approximately seeing her boobs replace into merely that - a comedian tale. Your spouse rather initiated the tone of the communication with the help of sending the boob image of yet another woman. Your spouse confirmed undesirable judgment in sending that image. do no longer attempt to make your spouse end friendships. this is controlling and willchronic your spouse removed from you. everybody desires a variety of acquaintances as an outlet for various aspects of their character. those desires can't be served with the help of one guy or woman or completely with the help of an significant different. you are the guy she has married and is development a stay with. he's in elementary terms a chum that she shares moments of humor with. She would not deliver you texts on the grounds which you're her life. She texts with him because of the fact he's an casual touch. the only factor you ought to have performed is giggle and recommend that she no longer deliver sexual pictures to any pal, female or guy. The healthiest factor you are able to desire to do is recommend that she invite this guy on your place next time he's on the city. That way, he's not in elementary terms her pal, yet a chum of you and your spouse as a pair.