My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have a 9 month old son together. Lately he never wants?

Question

to be romantic or even have sex. We are only 23 and I just wonder what has changed. My body is in better shape than before I had our son so its not that. This is really putting a strain on our marriage. What can I do?

Answer 1

Try not to take it so personally...some men feel like they are doing something terrible if they have sex or have sexual feelings with the woman that just gave birth to their child....its can be a very natural reaction for men to do this right after you have the baby, they see you as special because you bore their child, it sounds silly but its actually out of respect for you. If this is just happening out of nowhere you might ask him if something is wrong with your relationship, if this has been since you had the baby from the beginning you might seek some counseling for him to let him know that this is normal and not to feel bad about touching you. Just be open and honest and let him know that this hurts you. Oh by the way, are you using birth control? He could be afraid to make you pregnant again...its a known fact that once you have a child you become more fertile...he might have come across that somewhere.

Answer 2

My first thought was the same as angeleye. There is something where men view their wife differently after she has a baby and they see them as a mother-figure, maybe even reminds them of their own mother. And they feel they shouldn't defile this mother figure. It is a weird thing, and it may be in conjuction with the Madonna-whore syndrome (you can google that). But, he needs to get over it because you don't want to have a sexless relationship just because you have a child now. Also, a first child can be quite an adjustment for both of you. If you think it would help, try talking with him about what he feels is different. Also, try getting a babysitter once or twice a month and just you and him go out and concentrate on each other, like it used to be. Make sure you give husband attention each day too, try to not center everything around baby. Make sure he knows how much you love him and need him. Hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

I don't answer very many of these, hon, but this is pretty easy.....

Each of you went from being "the babe, and the stud" to "mom and homemaker/ husband/provider/father". That is about as big a change as will ever happen in your marriage, and it is pretty much irreversable. Children are not bonding, they are divisive, in absolutely every sense of the word... when before you got to focus on each other, each of your individual needs and wants to suddenly this selfish little critter that has absolutely usurped your attentions toward each other and demanded that you redirect your attentions to him, the child..... bang!!!!!

Even the strongest of marriages, and with real planning for family, experience this.... and of course many do not survive the first 5 years of children, as any of these questions in here will tell you. Two and one half years is not very long to plan and accept the changes parenthood brings, and you are not really very old.

What can you do. First, adjust. And that will not be easy. Being a mom/dad, and keeping that loving feeling, is hard. And you have another in your lives now, which bring added tensions and "opportunities" for arguments....But in your place, get a few sessions of counseling.... the best money you will ever spend. And a few for the two of you too. Don't go in thinking you know it all. You don't!! You and he are now changed forever, and tho you cannot reverse this, you can learn that this is now a new chapter in your life.... one that can, with help, become every bit as wonderful as before.... but you'll need some help, and so will he.

Good luck, hon

Answer 4

yes, i have had the same problem..it could be he is having second thoughts on how his life is not satisfying or he is suffering from depression?

well, you have to get some professional help as he could be going through problems that you are not aware of and maybe he does not really know why he is acting the way he does.

not all couples that stay married have a satisfying sex life. some men have a very low sex drive and it not their fault as maybe his testosterone level is low or he could be suffering from other physical or mental problems...but you have to find a good doctor or doctors to rule of physical or mental problems. Good luck..i take meds and they work for me..but i have chemical imbalance that i did not know about until after my second marriage failed.. now i have been married over 21 years..and the marriage is lasting but i found out too that i was low in testosterone...and i am not a good lover ..this is a most embarrassing thing for any man to face...its degrading..as i was accused of not liking women..and that was not true....so get some professional help before its to late

Answer 5

How about finding a babysitter for one night. Fix yourself up really sexy and fix him his favorite meal with candle light. Put romantic music on. Then talk to him. Not about the baby but about him. Make it his night.
If this doesn't work then insist he seek medical attention as it might be something physical. If it turns out to be nothing physical then get counseling. It could be anything from depression to him having an affair.
Do something, as this will just fester and fester until the breakup of the marriage. You owe it your child to try to find out what is happening to the love you both seem to have lost.

Answer 6

This has happened a lot to some of my friends whose husbands witnessed childbirth and breastfeeding. The husbands found their wives' bodies revolting, even when the wives had lost all the weight. Some of husbands got past it with time (like a year!) and some needed counseling to get past it. Others never did and they got divorced.

You need to ask him and be prepared that this might be the problem. It's going to be hard on you if it is - hearing that you now turn him off, but admitting it to you may enable him to consider trying to do something to get over it.

Answer 7

Check the numbers and messages on his cell phone and computer! His Girlfriend is giving him all he needs. If I were you I would over the next 2-3 months covertly get your hands on all the assets you can from the marrage and plan for a divorce. Then call her and tell her she can have him along with the alimony and child support. Answer this: Do you relay want this snake back? Hey, it was a good run for a while, now face reality and get on with your life before you get fat and ugly. Learn from your mistakes too.

Answer 8

Wow this is one reason I have an ex-wife. She acted the same way and there was nothing I could do. Later however, I found out she was using other means to relieve sexual tension for herself. In the end it was with someone else which broke the marriage. I hope this does not happen to you. Only thing you can do is talk to him about it.

Answer 9

Men go through changes like women do when having a child or after a child...some men look at their wife as a mother instead of a wife...they thing it is wrong to get physical then...it is wrong thinking but men do do that...he needs to talk to a doctor about this...he may help if not a therapist will help ..for sure..IF he thinks there is a problem and IF he thinks it can be fixed ..otherwise you are in for a sad marriage....give him some time but if he doesn't get help....I'd get out of this marriage for it won't change and neither will he with no professionl help...you first though can try to seduce him on your own..romance him and see if that works...good luck!!

Answer 10

a new baby always puts a strain on a marriage. so call a sitter and plan a evening of romance and see if you can rekindle the love... and do alot of talking before going to bed...