After 17 years of the best years of my life, my wife left to see another man for a week. We are now back together and things have never been this good! I know she had sex with this guy at least 3 times, but she said it wasn't enjoyable? I am having a really HARD TIME getting over this! It has only been a week now since she came home and I Love her Soooo much......How can I cope with this? I wish I could just forget about it! I will do anything to keep our family together and I believe she will too, but I can't get the vision out of my mind?
Please help!
2007-03-19 03:29:17 · 21 answers · asked by frank b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cannot dump her...I love her! This happened because I was depriving her of the attention and affection she craved. I now know what she needs. I have already forgiven her, I just need to get that vision out of my head.
2007-03-19 03:38:29 · update #1
I would never consider Divorce.....No one has any idea how much I love this woman...I would die for her! We have two kids and I just want to be a happy family again and please my wife!
2007-03-19 03:42:42 · update #2
I just returned from the doctor with some Lexapro, I fell like I am having a nerveous break down. She tells me she loves me now more than ever and feels dirty, guilty and so sorry, to please forgive her. I do, but this is eating away at me like cancer? Like I said, I love her toooo much to end it! I just want the pain to go away!
2007-03-19 07:11:11 · update #3
I know it sounds crazy but it IS easier to forgive than forget. My husband cheated on me and I chose to forgive him, however, I had a real hard time with the forgetting. The only thing that helped me was his actions and attentions and time...it has only been a week for you and for me it took almost two years before I didn't think of it on a daily basis. In order for your marriage to survive you CANNOT keep bringing it up every time there is a problem. That said, your wife needs to fully understand how she has hurt you and she cannot act like a victim all the time. I had problems in my marriage that included my husband not being around at all and I never once thought that I could leave and shack up with another guy!! Only makes things much worse. I am sorry to say but your wife sounds incredibly selfish to me, once you get married you need to stay IN your marriage. I read the other answers and I think they are right about you both getting some marriage counseling because what your wife did is very hard for you to get over, and, wifey needs to figure out why she is so selfish. Good luck to you..you can overcome this with lots of work on BOTH ends, not just yours!!
2007-03-19 04:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by oneontaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is very weird because if she didn't enjoy it why would she even chance things with your relationship. She probably did all of this knowing that you would take her back. I can't say you shouldn't have taken her back because if your love is that deep for her she must have some good qualities that makes you love her the way you do. You definitely need to be more open about the affair if you plan on getting past it because you have to remember there's a "thin" line between love and hate. And you don't want to dwell on what may have happen and it causes a bad reaction within you which might exploit how angry you really are at her in a aggressive way which can lead to you hurting her. Definitely seek counseling.
2007-03-19 10:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by Always Camera Ready 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frank... My husband and I had a crappy thing happen between us. It has taken me 3 years to finally get over the jealousy and resentment issues. It is an ugly thing when infidelity happens. It is a hard, long road to recovery but it can be done. You will NEVER forget about it--- but you can forgive and you will be more aware of what the signs are next time.( hopefully there won't be another time) We went to counseling for years together and alone. Our children suffered because of what had taken place. I think you can forgive and try to get past issues such as this ONCE. Then if it happens again you still have to forgive but you can not let yourself be a door mat- it will be obvious you have to leave the relationship. What was she thinking? You need to find that out for sure!
2007-03-19 10:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by Amy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, to look at it in a positive perspective, maybe it was just something she needed to get out of her system and she did. She says she didn't enjoy it and although you may not believe her, it's pretty apparent that she didn't because if she had she wouldn't be with you now. As for putting the incident out of mind, you won't be able to...for awhile. So......try this.
Think of your wife as this insatiable sex machine. Forget the jealousy. She is a woman that must be taken and YOU have her. It doesn't matter what some limp dicked loser she was with did. He obviously wan't enough for her so YOU take charge and knock the bottom out of her like she wants you to.
The bottom line is, the incident might be the best thing that ever happend to you. It's all in the perspective.
Good luck.
2007-03-19 10:40:10 · answer #4 · answered by Pipe Grampa 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You took her back and say you have forgiven her... Now forget it ever happened.... Your relationship will not survive this unless you truly forgive and FORGET!!!. Put the thoughts out of your head and move forward with the future. Don't waste good energy you could be giving to her on the pointless past.... If it seems to hard to do then seek some professional counseling.
2007-03-19 10:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one, you know love is blind. Our mind knows better sometimes but the heart just cant stand to ache. Honestly I think that you are letting her off the hook just a little to easy. Have you asked her why? Has she apologized? I think that you need to be very careful with this situation. At what costs are you willing to keep your family together. She has violated you and the family...are you positive that this will not happen again and if if does happen again are you going to take her back. I think that you need to spend a week alone on vacation where you can really think this through. Realize that you are better than that and you shouldn't be taken for granted. Ultimately its your decision but be careful....your feeling should matter to!
2007-03-19 10:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by sexycat_1984 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its either going to end up in a divorce or you will work it out and Forget about it. I mean dont even bring it up and just forget about it. However, one day may come down your way where a woman will make advances towards you and knowing what your wife did, you may take her up on her offer. Then, its a mess on top of a mess. So, really think hard about your situation! Either forgive & forget and you do the right thing for your marriage or get a divorce! You will never get the thought out of your head, it will come up in fights and there will be times where your gonna wonder where she is. Lets face it - She messed up! Good Luck for the rest of your life!
2007-03-19 10:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mammamia3 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Frank, as a woman and a wife I can't imagine why she did it. I will not pass no judgement with the two of you,but why did you let her get off and see this man for a week. Was she trying to prove something to you thats why she went with this man?
To be honest with you, the vision that you have now will not go away,it will stay with you for a bit and maybe forever. From my own experience (only 3 months ago)my husband had an affair with this married woman,and knowing that they did what they did,will stay with me forever. He even told me that it was a mistake and it wasn't that good,but I don't believ him. If it was a mistake,he will not go back a few more times,so from there my family like yours was ruined, so please think about this carefully, follow your heart but make sure that its your head that you will use for the sake of thr kids...bless you and I hope that you will find peace like I am doing....
2007-03-19 10:52:24 · answer #8 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Maybe some counseling. I am so glad she returned to you and I too think I would feel the same way if my spouse did this to me.
Time will also heal - with only a week now you need to work on your love for your wife and it will override the bad feelings. Show her your love and commiment to her - It should get easier with time.
2007-03-19 14:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to forgive her, but don't know how to move forward, go to marriage counselling. Why did she go spend a week with another man? I am a married woman and I just don't understand how that happens. I think you are a very forgiving person trying to forgive her and move forward. You both need counselling so you can get past this and so she doesn't do it again.
2007-03-19 10:39:36 · answer #10 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋