When you notice a friend wanting things on their own terms?

Question

If you known someone a very long time, and notice they want things on their own terms and you can't ask for their help on anything anymore, what can be done?

I think it's more of a selfish thing unfortunately, for example "I need some help on this" the friend's response is" I have to do this first" causing my need of resolution not to be as a "need". The "I come first" type of thing.

Answer 1

You should speak to them and bring it under their attention that things arent good, if you arent allowed to express yourself or be who you are then its a bad friendship. Friendship is a give and take and all youre doing is giving then you better off alone. Find friends that value all you are.

Answer 2

Communication is best.Hopefully with this person being a long time friend u can talk to the person about how u feel n let the person no that u want to remain good friends but not sure on how he or she feels for things have changed a lot.If u feel that what u have said has not help then it might b time to give this friendship a break.Sometimes friendships need breaks to.It makes things better for the time u do spend together.I would say exactly what u have said here n tell why u feel this way.U will never no if u just give up on the friendship.Maybe there is more then u no going on n by u coming to the person opens up for he or she to share with u what's going on that is making he or she this way.My mom taight me that true friends of a lifetime fit on 1 hand which means that no one has a lot of friends that they can call at anytime n they would b there for u.If this person is a true friend u both will get through this n come out even closer friends.Good luck

Answer 3

Suzla, when you have been friends for long, you slip into a mode of convenience, where one takes the other for granted, knowingly or otherwise. If you've been indeed friends for long, maybe you should try to talk about it and hope that s/he takes a cue and will change things. Sometimes people change and their personalities are influenced by personal experience and peer groups. In such cases, you just need to accept that they are different people now and move on.

It can also be that s/he has something going on in his/her life and that this behaviour is just temporary. So do try and cut them slack, for old time's sake. :)

Sorry if I sounded too didactic, there. I hope things get better soon for you. Good friends are hard to come by and even harder to let go of and the hardest to walk away from.

Answer 4

Regardless if he will pay or no longer, he has conventional residency and also you may evict him via the courts. once you've a economic association (i.e. employ), then you definitely are a landlord and with no employ (month to month tenancy), you may provide him 30 days note. you are able to also document for eviction at the same time so that you gained't could wait 30 days to verify if he fairly leaves. If he doesn't, you've already all started eviction lawsuits. If there is not any employ settlement, then he's only a roommate, and the 30 day rule nonetheless applies. the enormous difference between employ and no employ is that you do not favor reason to evict a no employ tenant. you are able to evict him for no reason in any respect.

Answer 5

Honestly it seems she is moving in a different direction with things and maybe friends and types of friends (who knows?)and maybe it's time to move in your own direction also. This is the vibe I'm getting from your question and your quandary. It might be good for both of you from the experiences I have had with people. It doesn't necessarily mean you wont be friends, or never see her again, althogh possible in the future, but just different kind of friends or people growing and moving in different directions. This is usually a good thing. Unfortunately sometimes friendships just fade into new and adventurous friendships full of fun and more fulfillment along the path of life. Explore this and see who you "find" next in your journey. It seems like it's time..
good luck

Answer 6

I've been going that same thing myself, we have known each for a very long time and shes been doing that same to me shes only available when she wants to be , and its really hurt my feelings alot , so just about 2 wks ago i started to be unavailable for her , and i know for sure fact its worked because she asked why i ha vent tried to get ahold of her, and i told her exactly what shes been doing , well the point is she doesn't do that anymore , sometimes people really don't realize what there doing

Answer 7

'I have to do this first' is hardly a way to blow someone off. Priorities are priorities - so you are second on the list. At least you are on the list! Be patient; it's perfectly reasonable for people to order their own priorities in terms of work and recreation and home chores, etc. Drop everything because you are a friend? I don't think asking someone to drop everything for you is a good way to be a good friend, either.

Answer 8

We all have the right to make our own choises and to do things our way....provided they don't infringe on other doing the same. Life is busy and maybe there is so much on their
plate they don't have time to spread themselves so thin as
to be giving other help all the time.
Maybe there is no more than this to it.
If your saying they will not be compermising in things that
effect both of you........that is much different and you need to
talk about that.

Answer 9

Have a sit down conversation and say it like it is. If the person is a friend they may not realize that this is what is happening.
At the same time you might mention that its not only about them, that you have issues sometimes too

Compromise is always a better solution
Good luck hope it works
Smiles

Answer 10

If they take the "My way or the highway" attitude with you then your way better off taking the highway. If you cant rely on them any more then dont rely on them at all. Ive got a "female friend" that I consider more of an associate now-a-days that has that attitude and Im mighty glad I took to the highway.