How would you react?

Question

I have just found out that my sons gf of 17 is pregnant he is 20, they dont know I know but a family member has told me so im waiting for them to tell me. They both dont work and she has been in and out of hostels. The trouble is I dont know what im suppose to say, im really not happy as I cant stand his lazy gf and ive got a 8 week old baby myself. Im absolutley gob smacked? Any idea as to how I should react?

Lisa x

Answer 1

Let your son know that you found out, maybe he didnt want to bother you, as you got your hands full with your own baby. Thats Your babies neice or nephew, give her a chance, it might make her grow up and at least you will have something in common with her, having children the same age range. Good luck

Answer 2

Well I would be upset, You know it might be diffrenet if she was more responsiable and they both had a job and maybe were living on thier own I am 19 yrs old and I have a 6 month old, I have been living on my own since I was 17 and had a job since I was 16 I got married at 18 so I am pretty responsiable so my parents took it very well. If I were you I would ask them do you have anything to tell me. Then if they say no leave it alone for 2-3 days and ask again. after awhile they will figure out you know and then tell you or she is gonna get huge in wieght and then will have to tell you but until then keep you kool. When they do tell you don't flip out and they them they have to get a job because this is thier child they have to take care of it, also see how far along is she and if they want an abortion, I am not a fan of it and hate to see an innocent life be taken but sometimes that is the best option. hate to say that but its true. if they do want an abotion find out were they can go and see if there is a free clinic that will do it. if not try to help them get that but don't keep supporting them in other ways because they will expect you to support thier child too

Answer 3

Well first of all, act like a grown up and be the mother here. Everyone makes mistakes!! I do NOT condone teen pregnancy but often wonder what I would do in a situation like this. I hope that by their age I would have talked to them in GREAT detail that it is not cool to have unprotected sex!!! However, with that said - there is NO turning back. She's pregnant and your grandbaby is coming. Certainly let them know that you do not approve of their behavior and they are to own up to their responsibility!!! Be sure you voice your motherly concerns!!!! Also, let them know that although you are NOT happy with what has happened and you will NOT be the one taking care of this baby BUT that you will be the best grandma you can be and love this baby unconditionally since it wasn't baby's fault his adolescent parents were not using their heads!!

As for waiting until they approach you ----- I wouldn't!! Head them off and tell them you understand why they haven't come to you yet (because they are certain of your unapproval) but if they are grown up enough to have the sex they should have been grown up enough to approach you with the news!!! I'd approach them just so I can put the old 1-2 to them and embarrass them. Let them know that mom's always have the upper hand and that's how you found out - no thanks to them.

Answer 4

I PREVIOUS SENT TO TO A 16 YEAR OLD THAT FOUND OUT SHE WAS PREGNANT - MAYBE IT CAN HELP YOU! GOOD LUCK...
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Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy can be a very confusing time bringing with it many emotions and questions. Whether you decide to parent or make an adoption plan, it is important for you to take care of the baby inside of you.

It can be very difficult to tell your parents that you are pregnant. However, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is not something you want go through alone.

Many pregnant teens go straight to a school nurse or friend who provide help in getting a secret abortion. The first thing a parent should do is to hold their temper and emotions. This is the most traumatic experience a child has ever gone though and (like you) needs the support and love of a parent.

As soon as possible, take a family trip to your local crisis pregnancy center. They will direct you to the medical care necessary for your pregnancy and provide vital support for the whole family. Most crisis pregnancy centers offer counseling for the entire family, support groups, answer questions and explores options such as adoption and raising the baby. They will be able to direct you to financial aid, adoption services and child-care services.

It is important to sit down as a family and discuss the pregnancy and options. Let everyone, including you, talk and vent his or her feelings. Prents need to do so responsibly and continue to love their children through the process.

Your parents should find workable solutions for the decision you makes. Having a baby is certainly overwhelming for an adult and especially for a teenager. Your paretns can offer to baby-sit for you while you attend classes or works a part-time job. If you decide to give the baby away, your parents should help her arrange an open adoption, where you can retain loose contact with her child in the future.

Above all, you and your parents should not be ashamed of themselves or you. They should love you and love your precious little baby.

If your boyfriend will not support you - seek the support from another person. A very close aunt or cousin / a teacher or counselor at school / a neighbor or the mother of one of your friends.

GOOD LUCK SWEETIE - I HOPE THAT IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY.

Answer 5

just because they are lazy it don't mean that they wont be good parents!!! If his gf has been in and out of hostels she might want the best for her baby and make a real good mum. My daughter lives with her dad has done for the last year to my shock horror found out she was pregnant at the age of 14, we found out when she was 22 weeks pregnant i cried we all cried but what can you do its still a baby there the baby didn't ask to be born, hes here now safe and well and i would of said that she couldn't cope with a baby but she has proved us all wrong she is such a good mum give the gf benefit of doubt she might just prove you wrong good luck xx

Answer 6

I think 20 is an age where your already clear minded on such a thing as teenage pregnancy.Wait until you find you can hold the silence and your very sure its high time to face this brigde .You should keep your feet down on the decision your making and it must be fair on you, your baby and his new arriving infant .It is important you stay in control of your feeling
as much as you can,you better not let his gf fall on your head because if you let it go lightly poeple like this would normally prey on you. Just make sure you dont damage your relationship with your son so and he MUST go and find a job, MUST.He must not abandon the baby as he will live to regret it and bring another confuse soul to this world.Sincere luck,

Answer 7

i am very sorry that this has happened and i really do not know what to say as my sons are only 5 and 2 so i have years to go before i have to deal with something like that. perhaps you should confront them both and see what they are planning to do with the baby. is he working? so would he be able to support her, will they have somewhere to live? they really need to weigh these things up, i was 17 when i fell pregnant with my first child but my dh now was working at the time then he joined the army so we never really had to struggle very much. so i would say to talk to them and try and stay calm as you might just end up pushing them away, hope this helps you xx

Lisa UK

Answer 8

i can simpathise with you i really can however
i was on he streets and had no get up and go so it might not be that she is lazy, it is a hard life on the streets
maybe she sees a baby as a means to an end

she might feel so unloved she thinks it will give her love
be supportive she might supprise you

be positive as much as you can

try to find some organisations that can help her as well

we shoudlnt judge people who are into drugs or on the steets as these people have oftern had very hard lives and can be terribly distressed inside no matter how much she pretends she isnt

i simpathis with you but i also feel for her
this girl could probably do with a mother figure right now
easier said than done when you have a wee baby

you must be firm and not run your self down either

Answer 9

By the way you have described this girl I would say your son has been well and truly trapped!!! I think that you should confront your son, without his gf being present and tell him that you know and ask him what their intentions are. If they are keeping the child you need to explain that he now needs to get a job and support his child. You need to let him know that you are not happy about the situation but let him know that you will be there for him and your grandchild. It could be that he is being railroaded into this by his gf. Let him know all of their options and then he can make an informed decision with his gf.

Above all this is not the unborn childs fault but your son and his gf's fault by not using contraception and ultimately paying the price.

Answer 10

the main thing to do here is remain calm. Don't let them know that you know, wait for them to tell you, they are probably really worried about your reaction and that's why they chose to tell someone not so close first.

Sit down with them and be supportive, go through their options and listen to what they have to say. Are the girl's parents in the picture? Their support will be needed too.

The only thing you can do is hear them out and be there for them, whatever they decide to do, but let them know that they have to start being responsible adults if they are going to have a child.

Good luck Lisa, and congrats on your baby x