My husband just told me he cheated on me BEFORE OUR WEDDING.....?

Question

We have been married almost two years and he just now told me he cheated on me before that. What should I do? I was thinking about kicking him out but we have two children and he's wonderful to them.

I just think he's so disgusting now. What should I do???

Also, I'm often complimented on how beautiful I am and my husband is just plain looking. I love him but why would he cheat on me if I look good??? Shouldn't I be the one doing that? I wouldn't but it would make more sense.

HELP!!!!

I guess I did make it sound like I don't find my husband attractive....but I do. He's awesome looking (to me). My friends think he's plain. I always tell him that he's good looking and I mean it so it has nothing to do w/me being full of myself. IT HAS ALL TO DO W/HIM BEING A PIG!!!

Answer 1

Savage,love don't stress yourself about it, just think about your 2 kids,they are more important. If you think that you can put up with your husband who never see you for the way you are,it's not your lost but his.
Let me tell you about mine, he was in the navy when I met him,we dated then when his ship were leaving Hawaii he ask me if I will wait for him,so he promised me that he will not look for another girl. The promise was broken, he took 2 prostitute from the Phil. and never told me about till after we got married. Well I caught him lying to me till I found out about this prostitutes. Our first year of marriage didn't have no trust but because I love him and we werent married yet then,I forgive him.
If your husband had this fling before the two of you got married, just let it go before it gets bigger. Men do this thingm want to try another girl before they get tied up. It will burn you becaause he lied to you and for now tell him that "trust" must be earn,and its not for you to give..........good luck,I hope that this help..

Answer 2

DO NOT TELL HIM. Whatever you do. I'm generally a big advocate for truth, but definitely not in this situation. I've never cheated in my life, or even come close to it (well, I considered it once when I was out of the country... But it never even went as far as kissing, just a thought.) But the way I feel about it, if it was a one-time thing (even if it went as far as sex) and you NEVER plan to do it again, it's incredibly selfish to tell him. You would be doing it to make yourself feel better, to get rid of some of that guilt, but can you imagine how HE would feel? I promise that he will feel 10 times worse than you are feeling, and he did nothing wrong. There are consequences for every action. If you had told him before you were married, the consequence may have been a delay or cancellation of the wedding. But you kept it from him for 3 years. You are so far in now that if you told him, the likely consequences would be: Him feeling like an idiot, him feeling betrayed, him thinking less of you, and a very big loss of trust. Worse-case, he might divorce you. If you don't tell him, you'll continue feeling guilty and maybe need some therapy to forgive yourself. Does the guilt you feel really outweigh the pain he'd be put through? The bottom line is, if you can honestly say you will never do anything like that again, it's unfair to tell him.

Answer 3

I am sorry, but I cannot believe you are seriously thinking that only "good-looking" people cheat or have a "right" to do so, opposed to the less "good-looking". Do you really buy what the media sells you? Life and people do not function like that exactly and you should have that clear by the time you are married at least. Anyone can cheat or be faithful; we are not machines programmed or determined by estetics you know. We are people and everything can happen to anyone.

As to what you should do...well, he has made a huge mistake cheating on you. And he has now made another huge mistake in telling you, especially after the wedding...I mean, if he is sure of his feelings for you now, what would be the use of hurting you with this confession? Why is he telling you this now anyway? Was he trying to get to you during a fight or what? In any case, it is totally lame of him. I would seriously dump him (divorce him, whatever it takes). This is just something you are not gonna be able to get over with, since he has done in the worst possible way. The cheating might be in the past, but he obviously does not know how to care for your heart in the present. You will end up too upset and torn for your kids not to suffer from it anyway. If he is a good dad, than keep in good touch with him for the children's sake. They won't loose their father with the divorce if he really is a good father to them and you provide for their space. But don't stay with a man that hurts you because the children will suffer from your unhappiness, no matter how much you try to conceal it.

Answer 4

My ex-husband did the same thing and I didn't find out about it until after 3 years of marriage. I was very hurt and it took a long time to get over. You have to decide if you can live with it or not. I would bring it up every time we had an arguement and it did not help things. I finally decided what he did before we made our vows should not affect what he does during our marriage. But in the end he ended up cheating on me a year after our son was born after 8 years of marriage with an 18 year old girl that was a hostest at the restraunt he managed.

Answer 5

You are told you are beautiful. You think your husband is plain. He "says" he had a fling before you were married. Do you ever think it might be he "said " this because you are acting like you do not find him appealing. Have you started to act like being intimate with him is not something you want to do? Just thinking a man would not confess something like this if things were going well in the marriage. With 2 children in 2 years he obviously finds you very attractive and you state that he is very good with the children and that you love him, I think some counseling would help but most important I think the two of you need to remember how to just talk to one another. Something is wrong here and if you want a good strong marriage you need to investigate what it is and figure out a way to fix it.

Answer 6

The most so-called "beautiful" women in this world get cheated on and divorced from all the time.

Looks have NOTHING to do with a man cheating on you.

Maybe because he is plain, he is outside looking for validation that he still "has it"...maybe you make him feel you are somehow "better" than him.......just a thought.

By the way, "lilith's" answer is horrendous....she is very bitter and must pick lousy men because no, not all men cheat.

Answer 7

Cheating, under any circumstances, is UNFORGIVABLE to me. I do not know what you want to do because you are at a difficult situation with the two kids. But I would chop my man's head off if he did something like that, but since you have kids to consider, think of about staying and making him as miserable as ever. Prove everyday that you are better than him in every way. Tell him that you two would only be equal if you got to sleep with someone else (if he loves you he will not like it, so fake it and make him pay).

I think that will teach him a lesson.

Answer 8

You need a little time to catch a grip - this is a lot to take in you don't want to make a decision you'll regret. Don't throw in the towel yet - after all, he did tell you, that's a good sign that he does have a conscience and he regrets what he did. Find out if he's cheated since then, consider marriage counseling, then decide if you're able to forgive him or not.

Answer 9

You need to ask yourself if this knowledge is something that you can live with, or if it will start to eat at you until you are no longer happy as a person. I know it is difficult to have your view of someone change overnoght, but a lot of people have persevered and gotten through a situation like this without it ending the marriage. By no means should you retaliate and cheat on him. I know it's backwards, but it would only validate what he did. Good luck. Be strong.

Answer 10

its up to u to decide what u want to do, but he did come clean so i might give him a second chance...you will have to feel the situation out..and if you believe he truly wont cheat again, keep him...counseling may be a good idea too...and as for you being beautiful and him cheating...it has nothing to do with u, this is a flaw ur husband has and has to deal with...ive hardly ever seen a married man or man in general who cheats with someone who is better than what he has at home...