Swingers problem - Ken and Barbie mismatch?

Question

You don't have to be a swinger to answer this, but if you are just going to berate or insult us please don't bother.

To make it short, my husband is much more like Ken then I am like Barbie. He is in shape, muscular, and the girls like him a lot. I am overweight and although my husband tells me and does everything I could possibly ask to reassure me I don't feel very sexy.
The problem is that the girls that are most likely to approach him are the Barbie type and their husbands aren't really interested in me. The not-so-Barbie type are intimidated by him and we don't get anywhere with them usually.
My husband is wonderful and doesn't demand Barbies - doesn't even ask for them - he does as much to make me comfortable as he could.
When I get attention from the guys (usually not Ken-type) their wives are then scared of my husband and feel that he wouldn't want them.
Anyone have a good suggestion? Other than me losing the weight? (working on it)....

Spelling nobody is cheating on anyone. He didn't force me into this and I love it. I love it that women think my husband is hot and want him. My weight certainly hasn't stopped him from having sex with me 10 times a week. We only play once a month or so.

Answer 1

Swinging couples, are not about falling in love with one another. It is about sex.
I think you are missing out here, by focusing on your figure.
Couples who swing, are looking for that missing sexual experience that they can't seem to get in their partner. They feel that a third partner, will fill that gap.
You need to put something to the test....
Let go of any negative thoughts about how you look.
You need to focus on your sexuality.
Trust me, when you are 100% confident, you will intrigue, both sexes like a magnet.
And your right, at first glimpse, people see the cover. But it is the sexiness within those you least expect, to draw you into them. Being sexy inside is a mystery to others. It is not about the looks.
Don't be slutty, anyone can do that.
Be sexy.
Have a confident smile.
And talk with your eyes.
Sex is a mind thing, remember that. It is the mind that is excited before the body.
The look in your eyes and on your face will tell others that there is something worth looking into.

Answer 2

You should have known you'd get trashed for this answer, but I will give you a real answer, based mostly on personal experience. I am not sure how long you guys have been playing, for us it has been about 3 years, but I quickly learned it is very very difficult to find balanced couples, and I am not just talking about looks. Unless you are willing to just get into swinging, and be totally casual about the sex, ie have sex with anyone any time, things are going to be difficult for you.

Finding a match between 4 people is extremely difficult. Looks are an issue, as all have to be attractive, but also personality is a big issue. Remember how hard dating was with 2 people and now multiply that by 4.

I find it hard to believe that women are afraid of your man. I can easily see a man afraid of an attractive woman (my personal problem for all my life), buit women always seem more confident to me. If he is showing interest in these women, I would think they would respond to him no matter how attractive they are.

I agree with the other answerers, that you need to be less concerned about your physical attractiveness and be more personally attractive. Men like fun women, women who know how to party, how to laugh, do some shots, loosen things up, flirt, etc. Be the life of the party. Consider your husband the bait to lure them in, but then you have to be the party host.

So, unless you are willing to just have casual sex, ie true swingers, or take one for the team, then I suggest you just have to wait for the right couple to come along. I said it has been three years for us, but during that time we have hooked up three times, and never at a swingers club, in fact we will not go anymore. Try a couples resort like Desire or Hedonism.

Answer 3

Don't be insecure. When you lose weight your confidence will be boosted. Trust your husband, if he's really like Ken. Ken is a good person too!

And if you want my opinion... I dislike Barbie; so be beautiful, be sexy, but don't be a Barbie wannabe like all the others.

And allow me to say... I think that if I was a swinger I wouldn't decide to get married.

Answer 4

Ok first off let me say i would love to see a pick of you because I bet you are a very attractive women. your problem is your self esteem. Just because you think he looks like a ken doesnt mean you dont look like a barbie just because you have a few extra pounds. let me tell you something the thing that gets me hot quick is how a women looks at me. her eyes. If she feels hot and sexy then she is. been in your boat before. now it is not an issue.. let yourself feel sexy. and if you would like to send me a pic ( im serious) ( doesnt have to be racy or anything) I bet i can make you feel alot better about yourself just as a innocent spectator. good luck hon..

Answer 5

You are either hot or not? Some people that are not fat are still unattractive.

Now, if weight is your only problem and you have a pretty face, there is hope. Just lose the weight and visit your localy gym four times a week.

Also, go to spas and get facials and massages. Get manicures and peticures..do all of the things that HOT women do to make themselves beautiful.

I always wanted to try swinging.

Answer 6

Well first off - how overweight are you? You know most people are cruel and think that if your not the "Barbie" type then you are unattractive and no fun. Which is bull crap. Maybe it is not you and it is them. If you husband finds you attractive then I believe that you are. Remember true beauty is skin deep - I know that sounds corny - but it is true....

Answer 7

Sexy is 95% attitude. My wife is about as far from Barbie as you can get without a sex change. But I think she's the hottest woman on the planet. She's been hit on by more guys since we've been married than in her 38 years before. Be confident in yourself. Be happy in your own skin.

Answer 8

I'm not a swinger, but I am poly and have some friends that swing.

You are who you are, try not to let other's views of you bother you. A platitude, I know, but it's something that you really want to work toward. Few guys are attracted to only one type of female. I find plus sized women attractive. Skinny, plus sized, they are just different with different things to be attracted too. Some guys can be jerks, but they are probably people you wouldn't want to be with anyway.

I wish you luck. remember, play safe.

Answer 9

Yo are much better off than if it was the other way around... it is MUCH harder for an average looking guy. As long as he is charming, it shouldn't really be difficult for any woman in the lifestyle to turn down a cute guy.

Answer 10

Men are very shallow creatures and the reason your husband is cheating on you is because you're overweight. I'm allowed to say that because I'm also overweight. What I don't understand is why do you sleep with other men? Just be alone for a while, you don't need to have a man in your life and this one is obviously screwing things up for you.