Cold feet? Or something more?

Question

I'm 20 yrs old and am engaged. My fiance is 25(26 in July). We are planning to get married 12/29/2007. I think I'm having "cold feet." So many people I've talked to say I'm so young... and it is true. He has already graduated from college and I haven't even started yet. I see my other girlfriends still out dating and living alone and at times I really miss that. And I think... am I giving up what is supposed to be the time of my life? Also, I'm worried that I just fell way too fast. We only met.. about a year and 5 months ago. This is pretty much the only serious relationship I've been in. Also, I'm afraid if I call it off, what if I'm losing the best thing that will ever happen to me?? Can anyone help!!??

Answer 1

My rambling thoughts are..... If you're not ready DON'T DO IT! I'm 21 and we got married 3 months ago. I had a lot of 'cold feet' spurts before the wedding because he's 10 years older than me and has done loads of stuff already and I haven't. Luckily I KNEW I was with Mr Right so didn't even consider stopping things, but I often wish I'd met him a few years later so that I could have done some things...but deep down know I still wouldn't have done those things even if I didn't meet him til I was 25! He has completed me. I made the right decision for me, but if you're not sure, best not to do it. Divorce is a very expensive, messy process (I work with it). Don't ruin two (and possibly three or four if you have kids) lives by rushing in...because I can guarantee if you don't want to but do it anyway you'll end up resenting him and even if you stay together 10 years, eventually you'll bail out on the marriage and it will have been pointless. Why not ask to go travelling with him/without him for a few months - that will open your eyes and you'll have felt you've done something. Do you really WANT what your girlfriends have, or just envy it? Also I'd suggest you don't live with him for a while - find your feet, live alone/flatmates, make a true decision for yourself and yourself only. Otherwise you WILL make a mistake. Be a party girl for a bit, you'll soon realise it isn't that great and I found although I envied my friends, they envied me too. The grass is always greener and all that! Good luck, be true to you.

Answer 2

If the divorce rate is 50 percent, it means you have a 50 percent chance of being right about your cold feet! Stay single - you'll have more money and more fun. Remember, 30 is the new 20, so take some time to grow up and live life. Marriage is a big step, and I'll tell you one thing for sure... the only time I see my married friends these days is during holidays or when they can sneak away for a round of golf! I'm 29, single and having much more fun than ANY of my married friends! If you have doubts don't do it!

Answer 3

You're afraid you will be missing out on having the time of your life? And what exactly would that be? I hear from so many people that once you hit 20 the only kinda guys you get are after one thing only. You have the perfect guy for you and you wanna give him up for what? A few crazy nights out and having your heart broken?You might feel like its too good to be true... well darling you deserve this kinda happiness you have with him. So many women are out there looking for someone like you have and you wanna pass him up. If you feel that you are ready for a commitment such as marriage then do it. Forget what people around you like family and friends are saying, it comes down to you. You know what you want in life and you know yourself better than anyone. Let your heart guide you. The wedding is far away...

Answer 4

Yes, I do think 20 is very young in today's age. I was 27 when I got married (now in my 30's) and I wish I had waited a few more years. However, every person is different, so don't let age be your sole concern. What you need to do is be sure you have dated other people. Know what is out there before you commit to one person. Also, be sure you can support yourself in the event the marriage doesn't work out. I just discovered over the weekend that my hb is cheating on me and I'm leaving. Thank God I make enough to support myself and the kids. Whatever you do, be financially independent! Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

You are young to get married, you haven't had time to do a lot of things,and you might regret that later, but if it was meant to be and if he really love's you he can wait a little longer I'm not saying break up but tell him your not ready for such a huge step. It's better to wait than to rush into it and get a devorce. I got married young to young and I regret not being able to do a lot of things I could have. If your not 100 percent positive don't do it.

Answer 6

Talk to him about your fears. You can always delay the date if you feel you need to.

If this is the real thing, he won't go anywhere if you tell how you feel.

You are young, yes. But sometimes it just works out. Other times, people end up wondering what they missed out on. But if it is real love and you take care of one another, you won't regret growing old with him.

Good luck. Be open with him. It will all work out the way it should.

Answer 7

It sounds like you have some legitimate concerns. Also remember, if you postpone the wedding, it doesn't mean you need to break up. Your best bet would be to talk to your fiance and maybe a counselor about your concerns. It's better to realize you're not ready now than after the wedding. Good luck, and do what's best for YOU!

Answer 8

If you both truly love each other, you shoudl be able to talk to him and make him understand that you're not sure you're ready yet and he will (though hurt) understand and be willing to postpone the marriage and give you more time.

But if you're just saying all this because you're wanting to date other people, do the right thing and end the relationship now before you do somthing that will reallyl crush him.

Answer 9

Marriage is a serious lifetime committment and you are smart to be having doubts.The fact that you are having doubts tell's me that you clearly are not ready for such a committment.You are still very young and I would suggest that you pospone your wedding.Do not get married with these doubts you will more then likely end up in divorce.If you & your fiance are meant to be together then he will not mind waiting and he will be understanding.If he does'nt understand then you clearly have no business in getting married.Follow your heart and gutt feeling's..Good Luck to you.

Answer 10

It sounds like you have some good logical reasoning. I would ask him to push back the wedding date. This will give you time to sort out your feelings without losing him, hopefully.