Am I overreacting?

Question

Maybe I'm overreacting but right now I'm really really hurt and angry at my husband. Last night at 2am I woke up and found him chatting online (which I don't care because I chat with my friends all the tiime and he knows about it and who I'm talking to). So I ask him who he's talking to and he doesn't want to tell me. So I tried to lean in to see (I should be wearing glasses) and he minimizes the window. Well I find out it's some 18 year old college chick he's never met and he's been talking to her for some time. You know if he had just told me up front fine but he hid this and is being vague about it. And all defensive (on her). I asked to see her page...just curious and he refused. So I tried to check it out but it's set to private. He was on Yahoo messenger and you have to request to talk to the person and yet he's saying no you don't. God he's such an idiot! He's 40 years old! His oldest son is 19! That's just creepy!

Answer 1

You know, for your husbands sake, he really shouldn't be messing around like that. Have you seen the news lately??? "To catch a predator" They are catching digusting men talking to who they think are young boys and girls. Maybe your husband has a problem, maybe he is just friends with the supposed 18 yr old girl. Not Likely. (He was hiding it from you and wouldn't let you see!) You really need to stop feeling sorry for him and yourself, and think about what could happen. If he likes being chatty with young girls on the computer, he's porbably doing it in "real life" too. I would definitly think about what this could do to you and your children.

Answer 2

Most online chatting doesn't go past that. The problem here is that he's involved in some kind of fantasy world that feels threatening to you and your marriage. The fact that he's covering up is a good indicator that he's saying things the he doesn't want you to hear. He's probably lying through his teeth, and he knows that if you were to see that, he'd feel stupid. He's could also be making sexual connotations.

The best thing you can do to find out what they're really saying, if they talk regularly, is to set his MSN so that all messages are kept in the MSN log, and when he's not around, you can find that file and read it yourself when he's not around. Then you can decide how you're going to deal with this.

Answer 3

i would be angry too. He made it seem as if he was doing something bad by hiding it and then he lied to u. You obviously know how to use yahoo. what does he think ur an idiot? that's how i would feel. and y is he talking to this girl? u need to get to the bottom of this. this could really weaken ur trust for him if it isn't dealt with asap. I've dealt with something similar... don't just try to forget about it that doesn't work. every time hes up late on the computer u'll be wondering what hes doing. talk to him and keep asking questions until u r completely satisfied and have no doubt that u can trust him.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say overreacting. My ex-husband became an ex because he met someone online and cheated on me. I'm not saying that this will happen to you but I know first hand that it could. You could buy one of those programs that record every keystroke and find his password so that you could check out what he's doing or you could email her and ask what's going on. Just because she's young doesn't mean she is stupid. If it is innocent then she won't mind talking to you. If she does mind, she may be hurt from being lied to just like you. This all lands on what your husband has told her so be sure to proceed with caution because it may be nothing but you husband trying to get a rise out of you. Try something different with your husband (unexpected dinner or something) to spice things up. If he is reluctant then you're not alone in his mind. There may be someone else. Hope that helps.

Answer 5

You are not overreacting at all! Why would he have to hide it if it was nothing! You need to get to the bottom of this now. You will never trust him now. There will always be that doubt. It is all on how far you guys want to to deal w/ this. I don't know how forgiving you are?? But I would wonder if he is so brave to talk to someone on the computer while you are in the house asleep......what does he do outside the house??
I don't know how long you have been married or if you have kids?? But you guys are goin to have to work on this marriage for it to work. It is possible.

Answer 6

No I don't think that you are over-reacting.If he has nothing to hide then why won't he let you see everything.He has now given you reason to distrust him and that is very sad.Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage without trust you have nothing.Have a heart to heart with your husband and make it clear how much it hurt you if he does not care then it is obvious that he has no respect for you and then you have another serious issue.I let my husband see all that I do on the computer and so does he because we have nothing to hide from eachother..Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

I certainly understand your anger and feeling hurt. I don't think you are over reacting. He certainly kept this on line friend a secret, making her page private etc....then to refuse you on seeing the page makes him more suspect. I would have a nice long talk with hubby about this. Why he is being so discreet is the big red flag to me. Was he hoping for more than conversation out of this online cupcake? I hope all works out for you.

Answer 8

i dont think you are overreacting. you had a right to know and he kept something from you, but ask him upfront what his 'relationship' with the 18 year old is. if it is in any way 'intimate' tell him how that makes you feel. (and that it's wrong) he shouldn't have done it in the 1st place but if he's just 'talking to her' then i dont see why he wouldnt show unless its more than that. but, dont jump to conclusions just yet. tell him that you need (and deserve) to know the truth without accusing him of anything. make sure he knows that its important to you to know this. if he still refuses to tell you, you can either deal with it ... or do something about it. but ask him again to tell you. you are his wife and there arent supposed to be any secrets. hope this helps.

Answer 9

Sounds like a mid life. Give him an ultimatum: either he stops talking to her, or he sends you child support. No matter what's going on, he should not be shady like that. If he is having problems with the marriage, he should have the nerve to talk to you about it and deal with it like a man. If it has nothing to do with you, then he needs to find out what's wrong with him and fix in a different way. If he wants to feel younger, maybe going out with him on a weekend to do younger things, like a date, or going to a club. You are going to have to help him recapture his youth.. unless it is just him being unhappy with you. And if that is the case, you deserve to hear about it from him, not some IM he's sending to some dumb college kid who could care less about responsibility and years worth of dedication in a marriage. Just my opinion..

Answer 10

No, you're not overreacting. Install a keylogger or other hidden monitoring program. Once you know for a fact that he's lying to you, it is your right to find out what the heck is going on. You need to know what you're dealing with. Stay calm about it til you have the full story. That's my advice.