I tried to tell my mom I am a lesbian but I just couldnt do it.?

Question

Last night I started talking to my mom about gays and she started saying how its imorral to sleep with the same sex and that gays and lesbians should just move far away from there familys so they dont cause them emmbarrassment. I thought I was ready to tell her and that she would support me but then she said that and I just couldnt tell her I am so afraid that she is just going to think of me as an emmbarresment and disown me. I just dont understand why she is so against gays. Now I dont think that I can ever tell her how I am. And then she said well if you are thinking about having sex with a girl then you have ****** up morrals and you didnt get them from this family I denied that I was and just left it at that. She knows that I have slept with a girl but she thinks it was a one time think Cuz i was really drunk but I love this girl and I dont know what to do at this point????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

i think that u should tell her. but i am in the same situation. i cant tell my parents. so maybe u shouldn't. i am just as confused about it as u r. maybe it is better to be out in the open then be in the dark. whatever u decide i will be behind u 100. luv ya

Answer 2

It's not something you can fix tonight and be done with.
It's a major thing and your mother will need time to overcome her feelings.
You just live your life, and your mother will eventually see that you are still the same daughter she's always known - only that her chosen partner is not exactly what mom had in mind.

Do bear in mind that your mother is not completely stupid. She may very well suspect way more than you think. Her outrage is therefore understandable: she wants to turn you away from this path before it's too late.
Chances are that if you had been a convincing hetrosexual, your mother's reaction would not have been so hostile.

Don't worry about it though. You can not change your mother, and you don't have to. It's up to your mother to accept that there are things she cannot control.

Answer 3

Save as much money as you can, keep your mouth shut, keep a low profile and when you get a lump together and a job lined up move out and don't go back, not for christmas, not for birthdays, not for weddings, not for funerals, don't give them your phone number, your address, nothing. If you can't handle yourself talking one on one with your Mother you're never going to make it out in the real world. Prepare to spend a lifetime being a doormat. I know this sounds tough but if you want play adult you have to conduct yourself as one. The first step to doing so is to be self suporting and strong in your convictions. Right now you don't have that. When you are ready to move out you sit your Mom down and don't take no lip back from her, you tell her that while she feels that LGBT people are such and embarassement you don't feel that way. You look at her right in the eye and say, "You are the embarassement to me, and a huge disappointment. Goodbye.", then turn around calmly, don't look back and walk out the door.

Trust me, in 5 minutes your Mom or Dad will be combing the neighborhood and the whole city looking for you, but you have to stay strong, tell them flat out you can not live a lie and if they don't want to support you in being the person you are you will find someone who will love and listen, someone to lament with, someone to check in with, that you're not going to spend one more minute associated with a family that turns its back on you. Tell them flat out that you are the one doing the back turning and you hope they think long and hard about their actions and attitudes because it will be a cold day in Hell before they see your face again.

Answer 4

Ask yourself, "Does my mom love me unconditionally? Isn't that what a mom is SUPPOSED to do? Will she accept me for it?". Only you can answer these questions because only you know your mom and just try to think about how she would actually respond to the news. If you still think you can't tell her, maybe you have another close family member you could talk to about it. A cousin maybe? Or an aunt or uncle or something. Or maybe you just need to tell a friend. someone who will accept you no matter what.

Answer 5

You need to be true to yourself. You need to tell your familly. It will be scary, but a lot of parents have feelings such as your mom's, but when they see that it is their kid who's life is like that, then they come around. I know someone who ended up leaving her church because they didn't accept her. She was very religious, and she's still ok. I'm not saying that's the same thing, it's just an example of what happened. Her parents, however accepted it when she told them. If and when youdo tell her. make sure you give her some time to absorb it. She may initially be angry, but she may come around after a while. Remember, you've had your whole life to come around to the idea, whereas you are just sprining this on your mom.

Answer 6

Your mother has made it clear to you that her love is conditional. You are not safe to come out there. You need to move away first, and be emotionally and financially able to live without them. Someday perhaps her heart will open, but you need to prioritize your safety. I also think that out of self respect, you should limit contact with them until they have done the leg work. People who would say these things don't deserve you in their lives. Don't go home for Thanksgiving... make new family. Don't go to the old Church, there are plenty of places of Worship that will welcome you. Don't go to aunt Suzzie's funeral... you can go to the grave alone or with some friends latter... etc etc. You deserve people in your life who love and accept you.

Answer 7

I think you need to prepare yourself before you tell your mom.
She will ask a lot of questions and you need to prepare how to answer them.
I suggest that you contact your local PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians & Gays. I'm sure they can provide you with a lot of information and help your mom to be able to accept you and defend herself from local neighbors.

Most parents are afraid because they don't know how to face their neighbors if their daughter/son is gay.

Here is the PFLAG website: pflag.org
Contact them and ask for local pflag, if none in your area, maybe you can ask for advice on the phone.

I hope it helps

Answer 8

It's hard sometimes for a parent to accept. She may already "know" and may think saying the things she says will stop you from putting the truth in her face, so to speak. You be yourself and you will know when and if it is ever the right time to speak to her about it.

Answer 9

just leave it alone kiddo.. my friend has the same problem he can't tell his parents because their religious and they would turn their backs on him. i know you want to come out but some people can't handle that especially from one of their own kids. i sat with my dad looking at helen degerses ( the talk show girl in the daytime) and he called her a demon.. yeah its bad with people that don't understand. good luck

Answer 10

Lauren don't be in such a rush to tell her if she can't accept you right away gradually tell her and give her lil clues and shell finally get it that you arent going to change and to accept you for who you are A LESBIAN and be proud!