What do I do with this marriage?!!!?

Question

I've been married 6 years, we were BEST friends (no sex involved) for 5 years before deciding to date. We seperated 3 years ago for 4 months because of his accusing me of wanting other men. When we got back togather, he PROMISED not to accuse me of anything. Now 3 years later, for about the past 6 months, it's back AGAIN!!! I caught him, 2 months ago, trying to kiss a co-worker of ours @ a company party (I saw her push him away,too). Of course, he used the "I was drunk, I don't remember" line. I'm trying to keep our marriage togather, but it's getting harder as each day goes!!! My son was 6 when we started dating, and now we have a 2 year old daughtor togather, I promised myself I wouldn't raise them the way I was raised (a divided home). My marriage is starting to hold TOGATHER with just the children. The man that was once my BEST friend who knew everything about me, then became my husband, is now someone I don't even know!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

My guess is, he has done some cheating of his own because people who cheat are always suspicious of their mate. I hate to say this but your kids are smarter then you want them to be and are more aware of emotional problems then adults are, you can't hide it from them and don't fool yourself into thinking you can. A divided home is not the best situation but a home with no love or trust is worse. Your kids learn everything from you including how to treat and handle their relationships by how you handle yours.
I would consider a separation from your husband with counceling during that period.

Answer 2

Never stay in a marriage just because you have children together that is one of the worst mistakes that parents make because ultimatley the children pay the price and suffer for it.I think the real issue that you are having is that you and your husband do not trust eachother.TRUST is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing.I suggest that you & your hubby work on the trust and go from there if you cannot trust you are both wasting your time.And when someone uses the EXCUSE i was drunk that is not only an excuse it is a cop out..You have several problems in your marriage right now another is that your husband does not rspect you because if he did he would not have tried to kiss another woman drunk or sober.There is NO excuse,reason or justification for being unfaithful EVER...Do not allow your husband or anyone else to disrespect you.You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.Talk to your husband you may even need a little counseling but whatever you do please do not allow your children to suffer in an unhappy home..Good Luck & Best Wishes.

Answer 3

You need to get you and he to counceling, or if you dont have insurance for it, , you both need to sit down and communicate the problems, There was a reason you fell in love in the first place,, or maybe he never fell in love,, remember as best friends and knowing everything, he also knew who and how many guys you tagged when you and he were chatting about life,

the drunk kiss at the party sounds reasonable, Us guys are not exactly the smartest people in the world when Johnson is involved,

tell him to cut out the alcohol consumption or he may wake sometime to find Johnson super glued to his stomach ( much better option than chopping it off )

as for the divided home, it is a better option that the kids growing up in a argueing home, My best friend here has been married 21 years and is very unhappy but she also grew up in a blended family and wont divorce her verbally abusive husband because she wants her kids to have a father,, great to grow up listening to someone call mommy a C***,

Answer 4

There's the world of difference between a best friend and a husband. What does your husband have to say for himself? Besides the "I was drunk" which as you rightly say, is a line? You need professional help, like counselling.
I also said I would never have a marriage like that, but it takes two people to make a marriage and just one person to break it. Forget the other lie - you're either committed to your marriage or you're not.
Get some help.

Answer 5

i've found out that most people that accuse are the ones doing the cheating,there is something in the brain that kind of lets people tell on themselfs,i understand that you don't want your kids to grow up in a divided home but kids know alot more than parents think and they pick up on things real good. kids can sense when things are not right sometimes they act out on these feelings sometimes they hide these feelings either way this is not good for the kids. let them be the number one reason for staying or leaving this relationship because it will effect them the rest of their lives. if you two grownups cannot find the trust in eachother than you really have two options, 1 get counseling and be commited to fixing your relationship. or get divorced, and be commited to raising your children in a civilized manner when you are around eachother.. if love unconditionally and trust is not there you need to find it again or be done with it.. it is the kids that need to be cared for.the kids will love thier mother and thier father.but if you show them that you two parents don't trust each other they will start to lose trust also..dont wait until you are on your back looking up to god for answers go to church and both of you ask for forgiveness and ask god to lead you. he will' it does work.... good luck

Answer 6

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but when a partner accuses the other of infidelity for no reason, it is usually because they are the one who is cheating. Since you already caught him trying to the chances are high.
The best advice I can give is to get to marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, then go by yourself.
As much as you want to keep the marriage together for the sake of the children, that is never a good enough reason. Think of it this way.... Do you want your children to grow up thinking that is what a happy marriage is like? Do you want your son to treat his wife they way you are being treated, or your daughter to think that she should be treated that way? Children are very perceptive, even if you think you are hiding the problems from them, they most likely still see it.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I know you want to stay married for the sake of the children..but ask yourself this is it good for the children to live like this?? I am SO sure the can hear you both as well as feel the tension between you both.. You have to think of the children sometimes in a case like yours it is better for the children sake to get a divorce.. "They do watch how we as husband and wife treat each other as well as how we show affection towards each other.."Try getting help for you both and if all else fails then it would be best to get a divorce..

Answer 8

I'm guessing you've already told him this. If not, do it now. Perhaps you two need to tap into that old best friendship to beat this problem back. It sounds a lot like he is taking you for granted (and maybe you of him). Check that, it is the beginning of the end. You two do need counseling.

You two need to work in time for just the two of you. You need some weekend retreats for just you two. Where you can focus on JUST you two. Talk, laugh (again?), cry, love, and hold each other. You two made a promise, keep it to each other.

He needs to reserve his lips for only you!!

Answer 9

maybe the two of you need to take a break from each other, or just get away, and just focus on the two of you and try to learn about each other again, and dont keep anything in, you dont need counseling, that just makes you mad, ive been there, and its a waiste of money. Just let your hubby know what it is that you are feeling, but dont say "YOU "are hurting me let him know that the feelings you have are not as they used to be because of the things that he has been doing, dont you use the " you " messages, its kind of a reverse physcology thing , good luck hun.

Answer 10

I don't know if u know about religon, but I think u need to pray for your marriage. You really need to get your family in church and put God in you all life. If God is not in the mist of thing the devil will have his way. His plans is to kill, steal and destroy. That even include families. Think about it, God intend for us to have family and to love each other just like he loves us. God bless you, I pray that God will restore your family back as whole. I know how u feel I'm a single mother and I never wanted to have to raise my kids by myself. I wanted a family not how I was raise with just my mother and brothers. So now I praying that God will send that special someone or work things out on my behalf for me and my daugther father. Stay bless