My Bf is 36 and we've been together for 2 years.....we both decided we wanted to have a baby last year and i took out my IUD in Oct. i found out i was pregnant March 1st...I am currently 7 weeks....He wants me to have an abortion....and I dont want one....He has already broken up with me cause i wont honor his choice...i told him he can sign over his rights, but he is now being cruel and saying things like i wont leave you to raise my kid...or i'll take the baby away .....and makes comments about my 7 year old cause he has ADHD....my heart is torn apart...I don't know what cause the sudden change, but he's staying out late every night, he's constantly angry about something....and he's saying mean things...I'm just happy we don't live together right now....anyways i was a single mom w my son, and i'll do it again....but this time it really hurts deep, i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with him...does anyone have any advice as to what may be going on with him. Thank y
2007-03-19 00:43:38 · 21 answers · asked by phxangel2774 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
WOW! I love the first two answers!! Three cheers for Amy!!The other womans' advice was right on too! These men that want us to kill our unborn babies need to be responsible for their ugly words!!
Sweetheart, I don't know what happened. You sound like a good person and probably a very good mother. I know from experience how hard it is to raise a child with ADHD, I am doing it right now. Why he would do a complete turn around like this is something that I can not begin to understand. Maybe it just all of a sudden occured to him that he was going to be a father and that it was a lifelong commitment. He is probably scared, he probably never had to be responsible for another person this way. Maybe he is afraid that he will not be able to do it, that is all understandable. But this nonesense to want you to kill your baby is way over the top! The cruel things that he is saying to your are inexcusable, no one deserves that. I hate to say this but I am afraid that you are well rid of him, he is NOT the kind of person I would want in my life. Could you imagine if you were the spineless sort of woman who would actually go along with what he wants you to do? What kind of a relationship would the two of you have now if you did what he wants you to do? You would never have any respect for him or for his word and you would always remember what he made you do.
Listen sweetie, women have been raising babies since time began and you can do this the same way you did it before! This is why the Lord gave the gift of being able to bring forth life to women and not to men! It is our sweet burden and our gift. We will decide when we will bring a baby into this world and no man is going to tell us what to do! You have your baby and get this miserable excuse for a man out of your life! He might come crawling back after the baby is born saying that he wants to be a Daddy, after he took off and left you to do all the hard part alone! Do not let him fool you. Be strong and don't ever have anything to do with him at all. He might want visitation but I am not sure that he will even do that. He is not worthy of you or worthy of the gift that you carry inside you! BE brave and love your baby. That is all that you can do right now. You did it before and you can do it again. I am very glad that you are not living with him right now, you do not need that in your life. His negativity is not good for you at this point in your life. You need love ans support. I hope that you have friends and family who will help you out.
I know how much you must be hurting and I am so sorry for it, I understand that you feel like your dreams have been stomped on but you will have to have to have new dreams. Dreams of a sweet little baby that will love you so much. Take care of your baby and concentrate on that right now. See your doctor and start taking your prenatal vitamins. Those are very important, you need your Folic Acid, do not let this man distract you from the joy of a precious new baby.
Hang tought sweetie. What ever you do, do not let him weaken your desire to have this baby! Right now you are all this little baby has, but the beauty of that is that you are also all that he/she needs! As long as babies have their mothers they have all that they need.
Love and Blessings
Lady Trinity~ **Write to me if you would like to Lady_Trinity_9@yahoo.com I would love to hear from you!
2007-03-19 01:36:58 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Im very sorry that he has acted in such a horrible way. I understand why u feel so hurt, you were in a loving stable relationship and u made the choice together, i dont think it matters wether ur are married to him or not. Everytime he had sex with u he knew what the consequences of that could be. He has no right to turn around and back out now. Maybe as ur pregnancy progresses he will calm down and be more reasonable. I very much doubt any judge would take a well loved and looked after baby away from its mother, for the father who dumped her the minute he found out she was pregnant, so i wouldnt worry about that too much. Good luck with ur pregnancy.
2007-03-19 08:27:44 · answer #2 · answered by Smiley_1714 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are better off without him & do not give him the control of having an abortion just because he's damanding you have one, you are the mother & the one that has to carry & give birth to this little baby so if you want to keep it, then do so....it's your choice. And for him to be nasty about the little boy you already have....thats lower than low & just shows what an asshole he is & you can do better. Be a great single mum without him, he'll live life a lonely old man & regret it later on in life when he has grown up a little?!
2007-03-19 08:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by Gemma 27.05.2007 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that both of you decided to have a baby, or did you make the decision and conjole him into going along with it? It sounds like he really doesn't want to have it, and why would you want to have a baby with a guy like that? I say you should have the abortion, and then you can move on and try to find someone you can marry and have a baby with, someone who actually wants it.
By the way, even if he were to sign away his parental rights, you can still collect child support from him, and he knows this.
2007-03-19 10:21:33 · answer #4 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just had to comment...i am also pregnant but im 24 weeks. I also have twin cousins who are ADHD so i know how young children can be with it. I cant think of a complete reason why your boyfriend would react like that..maybe last year he thought it was alright and because it didnt happen straight away he kinda eased himself with it? Maybe he is just scred too now. it is a big step for anyone as you would know with having a child already. but the meanness...i am sorry you are having to go through that at this time bu like you said you said you brought your young boy up and you know know you can do it again. Maybe he just needs time to think, im sure he will come round. I'm sorry i wasnt more help but i just wanted to comment as it sad you are going through this when yous should be able to celebrate
Michele =)
2007-03-19 07:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by wee_hawty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear you got through something like that... Men are the most weird species if you ask me... Anyways you dont need a jerk like him anyways... And I bet that the baby is going to turn out fine with or without him... Although I should start checking out some lawyers and get some advice on the matter if he is really going to do something... It could be he just making stuff up so you wont have the baby anymore... You just want to be safe then sorry... Good luck =)
2007-03-19 07:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by Princess 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your BF is a jerk to put you through that. You can't go through all the trying to have a baby, then suddenly decide you don't want to be a parent. You're so much better off wihtout him in your life. Be thankful that you got a glimpse of what he's really like before you had this child together.
As for advise, maybe it's nerves? He's suddenly realized that he's got a huge responsibility ahead of him.
Whatever happens, best of luck to you!!
2007-03-19 07:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by BoomerFamily 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have advice as to what could be going on with him other than not wanting to accept the responsibility of a child. But from what you have said about him, you need to get away. He is being mentally abusive to you and neither you or your children deserve that. You do not have to have an abortion just bc he wants you to have one. Don't let him pressure you in to killing your baby. Get away from him, if he is saying these things now it won't get better. And it's possible that he could resent the baby and not be a good father or husband.
2007-03-19 07:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by BJTD 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is this really a person you want to spend your life with or would want to raise your kids with?I know this is a sudden change and yes it is hurtful, but you have to look out for what's best for you and your kids.I'd tell him to take a hike.Everthing happens for a reason, and trust me I know this.I was a single mother as well, when my ex who asked me to marry him suddenly had his change of heart.At the time it was devastating , but now I thank god, because I met my wonderful husband.Who has taken care of my son as though it was his own.Now we have 2 more children together, and have been together 9 years.Meanwhile my loser ex has had a bad life which he hates, and it's him wondering what if & me saying thank god.
2007-03-19 07:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by brandirose27 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can tell you is he really does not love you than because my boyfriend and I got pregnant on birth control so we decided to get married. Than after 6 months of pregnancy I lost the baby and now I am expecting twins due early November! So you should just forget about him and that is why you don't have a baby with someone you are not married to.
2007-03-19 07:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by mdizzy18 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋