Wife has fallen for someone she works with, should they remain friends?

Question

My wife is a supervisor at her work. I just found out that on his last day of work before being transferred to a different division in the same company yet at a different location, they went to breakfast where they admitted their attraction to each other. He likes her, she likes him. They talked throughout the day about it, including for half an hour on the phone on the drive home. They agreed an affair was a bad idea and would probably just end bad since both are married, we have three kids, he and his wife have two, ones an infant. So they decided to remain friends and just talk on the phone.
My wife says this is ok. She admits she has romantic feelings for him and thought all day about maybe just having an affair. I told her what a horrible idea it was an she's just asking for trouble down the road....talking regularly, having breakfast and or lunch with someone she has feelings for. Her and I have been together for 13 years. Any women care to chime in?

I should also ad I found on her laptop that she searched for card or poems to send him saying "I want you but can't have you" and "wanting someone you can't have". When I confronted her she said "So what" as if it was no big deal/

Answer 1

well at least she is being open and honest about her feelings with you,that has to show for something. If she was hiding it completely and you found this out, it would be a whole other story. If they no longer work together, it may be better that they can remain friends, seeing as they won't see each other daily and have temptation. Just don't start getting over suspicious over nothing. That can drive a marriage apart faster than an actual affair.

Answer 2

This is very bad news!! No, they should not try and do the friend thing, it WILL grow into an affair, it can't be helped. They have both admitted to one another how they feel. Well, feelings can be controlled and in this instance they should be. They will slip up, they will have an affair, and they will ruin two families. There is no maybe, it will happen. No, two people are that strong. Someone will slip and the other will be too weak to resist. It will hurt, but if they truly care for their two families, a clean break is the only way to protect both. If she has a problem with that then she shouldn't have promised to be with you and no other (marriage vows).

The two of you need to go to a very good marriage therapist and work this out with her/him coaching from the sideline.

Answer 3

Well, I'm not a woman but I can tell you that this doesn't look good. She apparently doesn't have too strong of feelings for you or she would have never told you about it to begin with. Bear in mind that she has apparently not slept with him and the fact that they no longer work together will undoubtedly curtail some potential problems. However, make no mistake about it. The potential for trouble is there and she is a willing participant.

At this point you have nothing to lose in putting your foot down and issuing an ultimatum. If you lose her, you would have probably lost her anyway.

Even if this problem goes away on it's own, you should expect to have problems in the future so prepare yourself emotionally to be let down in the future. It may not happen, but if it does at least it won't be a devastating knowing well in advance where she stands in your relationship.

Another option is to turn the tables on her....even if you have to fabricate a threatening relationship and see what her reaction is.

Answer 4

I think u should play a drama wid her!!show her that u r having an affair n try to do d same,take help from a good friend (girl)who is ready to help you.Only this way she will realise that she is wrong.N if its still d same then call that mans wife and sit together and discuss about divorce.Trust me its d best way.Ur kids r also suffering 4 her dont u think so????Stop these nonsences right now what d hell she is doing beaing a beloved wife and lavable mother????
Let me know what happened.
best of luck

Answer 5

It is a big deal. She is a married woman and has no right remaining friends with someone she is lusting after. She needs to stop and think about her family as well as his. How many people would be affected by an affair. It will lead to an affair if they continue to see each other and talk. She needs to decide who is more important, her "friend" or her husband and family. See if she will go to marriage counselling.

Answer 6

It's called an emotional affair and in many ways it is worse than a physical affair. Her brushing off your concerns means she's already making excuses in her head and romanticizing the whole thing. She's already lying to herself, her "boyfriend" and to you. Even if it never turns physical (and it probably will) it will still damage your marriage terribly. She is creating a fantasy world wherein she and him have this "special" connection - a connection of imagination!

If she won't face how serious this is and if she tries to deny your feelings (you're her husband! your feelings count!) then she's really not investing herself in the marriage. Maybe you two have other problems but in any case, SHE is not in reality at all.

Counselling might help, not sure, but frankly this is the first sign of serious problems. If she can't see that, it's because she refuses to face reality.

Answer 7

You wife has already cheated on you, even if she hasn't actually had sex with this guy yet (which is questionable at best). Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and once it is broken, things are never the same.

If I were you I would quietly contact the best divorce lawyer you can afford. Keep all of the evidence of her relationship with this other guy to use in court and file for full custody of the kids. Maybe if you get lucky you can get out of this without losing everything you own and she will be the one on the hook for child support.

Answer 8

Wow, I don't even know how to start... "First of all, this was not planned"- No one ever plans to cheat on their spouse "We both love our spouses"- But? I have no doubt that either one of you loves their other half, but if your not IN LOVE with them why get married? I hate cheaters and don't allow excuses for them. People try to give explanations, but all they are, are excuses. I don't mean to be harsh as you state you're already feeling bad, but you should feel bad, shoot, you should feel horrible! You're a married woman with children. Here's the truth...you 2 can't be "just friends". There is no such thing as "just friends" once 2 people have become intimate; no matter how much you think you 2 can stop fooling around, there's always going to be sexual tension. It's best that you and sancho stay as far away from each other as possible.

Answer 9

This is from a womans point of view she needs to end her friendship with him and have no contact at all with this guy and instead put the spark back into your marriage. If she admitted this to you she is crying out for something. Work on the things in your marriage that have changed, rekindle the things that brought you two together as a couple. If she wants to continue the friendship and not work on your marriage then I would tell her its over. And how would she feel if you did this to her

Answer 10

Well it seems to me that she is very unhappy in your marriage, and its a shame, you sound like a nice guy, and a understandable one too. talk to her and tell her how you feel, that you want your marriage to work. maybe go to counsling. and try to get it back. if it doesn't work. I think you should just move on and find someone that will respect you and someone that deserves you. I am pretty sure that you won't have no problem, and have share custody of your children. good luck, sorry that you are going through all that. but why stay in a marriage if its not a happy one, its doing more harm than anything and exspecially to the children.