I have a major problem. I am 27 years of age and live with my parents throughtout my life. Now, after meeting this guy we have decided after 6mths that we wanted to get married and start a family together. My mother threatens me with my father saying, "you will be a disappointment to him and will loose you inheritants b/c it will be highly disrespectful to him. B/c previously my fiance had downloaded music on my fathers computer that has cursing and my father is a minister. Ever since, he has a problem with him and may disown me if I get married to my fiance. Also, what they dont know is I am pregnant as well, which I cant tell them b/c they will really explode. My mother is trying her best to convince me to wait until my father gets over something he might never. He holds grudges. So, what shall I do?
2007-03-19 00:03:57 · 13 answers · asked by Amenity 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am speaking from personal experience. ELOPE!! I was a lot younger than you are now when I decided to get married. I was soooooo in love (only 18) and I just couldn't wait. So we ran off and can back. "Guess what I'm married" I didn't tell my dad. I was too scared. I told my step mom trusting that she'd tell him immediately. He was very very mad at me for a long time. Even after a year of marriage, when I got pregnant he was ill. But he loves my kids and my husband now. He gave us a house and a car. So it all works out in the end.
Trust God. Pray for guidance and that His will be done.
Best of luck and God Bless
Oh P.S. my hubby and I had only been dating for seven months when we got married. This month is our fifth year anniversary.
2007-03-19 01:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by nic h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult and you should be able to choose who you want to marry and settle down with. Do not worry about being a dissappointment to your dad. He will learn to adjust and accept things down the road with this. Move out and get a place of your own and become independent as this is the first step to being yourself and the boss of your own life. Let him disown you then if he cannot accept things. This is very selfish of him as a minister though and he should not be this way. He should love you no matter what you decide to do as he is your father. If you lost your inheritance so be it. he also should not hold grudges if he is a true minister of God. What faith is he anyways and does he not believe in forgiveness and trusting God for his kids? He seems legalistic and domineering to me. I think you will be much better off out on your own so you can make your own choices in life. Good luck to you.
2007-03-19 07:11:50 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to understand the mind of someone that is stubborn.
In the end, they end up being their own worst enemy. What I would do is tell your father that you love him very much and people do make mistakes. And, your fiance made one and would like to be forgiven. Lay it out, putting the ball in his court.
If he still cannot forgive, at least you tried. If you don't try then you will live in regret. I am sure there are things that your father has done that are not perfect. Perhaps your fiance can write a letter of apology to him as well. Good luck.
2007-03-19 07:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
f you had posted his name, chances are he'd be preaching to himself at his next sermon. I don't need to tell him where (but then again, by how you describe him, we never know...) it is written in the scriptures that when a woman takes a husband for herself, she will leave mother and father and stick to her husband and that the two will be like one flesh. Forget the song with the cussin', that's just a cop-out excuse for not loving his neighbour... "All men are deserving of death", the good book says and "all we are to owe one another is LOVE, not judging as none of us are perfect and people just like us put to death the only perfect man that ever walked the earth since Adam's death.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do and so do you. Once you're married, there's nothing that neither one of your parents can say. You're 27!!! What are you waiting for??? You have already given in to your selfish parent's wishes for too long. Go and enjoy your life with the one you love. Your father will love you just as much as before before you know it or else he'll make a farce of his "calling" as a minister of God.
Matthew 6 makes it clear in the Lord's prayer that unless he forgives those who "trespass" against him, God Himself won't forgive him either. He's not that stupid. Time is on your side. Go in peace!!! If I prove to be wrong on this, I urge you to contact me as I would personally come up and plead you case. That's how sure I am that Daddy can't hold getting married against you for the rest of your life. Impossible!
2007-03-19 07:18:50 · answer #4 · answered by Teri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha, you put up with the dysfunction of a religious family that long??? Talk about perseverence! I was out of the house as soon as I turned 18! They were still giving me money though.
Wow, what do you do? Marry the man anyways! You are an adult and your father not liking your boyfriend because he downloaded music with swearing is a stupid reason to disown you if you marry this man. He just doesn't want to lose his adult child who he never let grow up.
My father doesn't like my partner because he thinks that my partner seduced and devirginised me, got me smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol because my dad also believes that my partner is the first man to ever pay attention to me and that he took advantage of my innocence. Truth is I wasn't a virgin, I smoked and drank long before I met my partner and he's certainly not the first person I ever dated. I just never bothered to tell my parents about it because it's none of their ******* business.
You shouldn't get married just because you are pregnant. It's a dumb reason to get married. If you really want to marry the guy, go ahead. You're an adult and your father will have to accept that.
What happened with my dad? He accepted that I am an adult and that if he kept his idiocy up, he'd lose a daughter. You see, once you're an adult, you're parents don't have the power anymore and actually get quite afraid that you'll disown them because who will take care of them when they are old?? That's probably one major reason for your birth anyways. Why the **** else would anyone breed?
Besides, if you really want to guilt them, bring up the story of the prodigal son. Preach it to him with so much guilt. You see, religious people including religious parents and preachers can be wrapped around your pinky finger as long as you know the bible!
2007-03-19 07:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who have you known longer?
Who do you respect and trust more than anyone in the world?
Who are your best friends in the world?
Who would do anything in the world to save your life?
Who do you respect more and love more than life itself? Who loves you more than life itself and would lay down their life for you?
The answer should be the same for all....
Nobody that has ever lived has known someone truely and completely in just 6 months..sounds like you are making the biggest mistake in your young life...
Girl, give it another year and a half and if this guy is still in the picture and you have not given him sex in that time then maybe, just maybe marry him..
acting out of spite is very dangerous for one and all ...
in the end only your family will be there for you...thick or thin
love or hate ...good or bad..right or wrong,, etc..
there is nothing more powerful than love and respect ..of family
Think long and hard young one...time is on your side...
2007-03-19 07:17:17 · answer #6 · answered by Gary G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First if your father is a minister, he shouldn't be holding grudges and about his money hon, you just blew that up with this pregnancy, and if you do love your man then it should not be a problem letting go of your inheritance. Love can't be bought. So if I were you, I would not wait no longer and just say it and pregnant and getting married AMEN!!!!!!! your baby is a blessing and you should be rejoicing. good luck.
2007-03-19 07:55:09 · answer #7 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I went through just about the same thing. With my dad not liking the man I wanted to marry. What I did was fallow my heart and my dad got over it and now he loves him. But it did take some time for this to happen didn't happen over night. I think in time they will learn to except him, your fiance just has to hang in there and show your parents that hes for real and that he loves you. I wish you all the luck in the world!
2007-03-19 07:13:58 · answer #8 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your parents told you to wait .isn't it writen in the scripture that you must obey your prents so that GOD may bless you with a long life and isn't it written that you should wait for your wedding day to have sexual relation or you won't be bless in what you do .read the scripture .does your fiance go to church too.if not it is not good to marry him do you want your child to grow without GOD ,his protection ,his peace and love.what kind of life will you have away from GOD ,if when you both get married your husband don't want youto go to church,what will you do? why dion't you do so your mum and dad knows what they are talking about you're still young even though you're pregnant does not say that your mum and dad will reject you the thing they want you to understand is that this guy isn't good for you listen to your parents and get out quickly of that trap you're in this guy you're caliing your fiance is he engage to you or is it just because you'r pregnant from him that you call him your fiance .if he's neither engaged nor maried to you he does not have to download music on your dad computor.you can raise your baby alone .you're in love you can't see his bad habit now.you want to be the mother of a nice baby and live in peace or do you want to get your fiance ,your baby and being use by someone who'se only after your parents money.if you need prayer tell them to pray for you.
2007-03-19 07:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by emma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Father knows best could be your dad knows something about this person that you dont know
2007-03-19 07:10:33 · answer #10 · answered by emma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋