I ended my relationship with my partner of 5 years. We where together for 5 yrs. He is an alcoholic, just admitted it now at 28. He made me ill with his blaming attitude and aggresion etc when drunk, so I left him. Now his AA Class says that it is not his fault as a chemical in his brain called THIQ is responsible, not him. I was asked to attend AL ANON to understand and that I neede to support him through this illness. I feel ecven though I love him, it is too much for me. What do you think. I feel happier without him and just as friends, but guilty if this THIQ thing is true as it is not really his fault
2007-03-18 22:16:14 · 8 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, i have been married for 21 years to a recovering alcoholic. Believe me, it is a hard road to recovery for everyone. When he drank, my husband is a different person, he is mean and ugly. Though he never hit anyone in his family or anything like that, but I wouldn't want to be a stranger that made him made if he had been drinking.
Anyway, like I said, its a long hard road and not everyone can take it. He tried very hard not to drink but once in awhile he couldn't control himself and he would. Then I would be out driving around town trying to find him to bring him home. Many times alcoholics never get "cured". You could be married for years and then something could happen in his life and he could go right back to drinking and decide he doesn't want to quit. Then you are stuck!
So I guess what I am saying is that you have to really really love someone to go down that road. It may work out or it may not. Lucky for me, after years of worrying and troubles, my husband now has no desire to drink, but it took 20 years.
I can't say that if I had known then how hard it would be that I would have married my husband. Its a gamble.
If you feel happier without him, I am guessing you can live without him and find someone else.
If your really really loved him enough to stay together, you would be heart sick without him.
Hope that helps, Lisa
2007-03-18 22:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did do the right thing for you. The proof is that you admit to being happier now as "friends". Keep on going like that and if the day comes that he is truly cured, who knows? But it's for sure that a life with a sick person is no joke and can end up in disaster. Nothing says that you can't go to AA meetings or Al Anon but this doesn't mean that you should feel guilty for not going (to him or the meetings). That is your right to choice. He's abused you already and it can happen again, not today, tomorrow or next month but sooner or later, it very probably will.
2007-03-18 22:24:09 · answer #2 · answered by Teri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a load of b.s. Are you sure that he learned that in class, or could it be his way of manipulating you? You don't owe him anything. You put up with his garbage for five years. Don't waste any more of your time. That's great that he is trying to get his life together, but a couple of AA meetings don't make a person sober. This is something he is going to have to work on for years. If you are happier without him, lose the guilt and move on with your life. Good luck!
2007-03-19 05:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need some organization guilt-trippin' you. Perhaps his rotten behavior was due to some external cause, but that is no reason for you to hang around to subject yourself to more potential abuse.
In fact, it seems to me that hanging around while he "recovers" is abuse in itself. Then he may start drinking again and the whole cycle begins again. Also, he could still act like an *** without drinking.
You have invested (wasted) 5 years trying to love and support ths person. Cut your losses.
It is not your fault. Keep your distance. There are plenty of healthy men to fall in love with, and you will never meet Mr. Right if you are with Mr. Wrong.
2007-03-18 22:30:15 · answer #4 · answered by chillsister 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He was the one drinking the alcohol didnt force its way into him.. It is never your fault. Maybe he had an addiction or watever but his actions were the problem so it is his fault. If you are happier as friends stay that way dont take him back coz you feel guilty
2007-03-18 22:23:40 · answer #5 · answered by Kimberly S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault either.If you feel uncomfortable you have to move on. Don't feel guilty. Some people just can't handle certain things.
2007-03-18 22:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no one forced the bottle to his mouth stay away or you will continue to have un needed drama aa is full of crap
2007-03-18 22:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by Are we using our brains today 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its ur fault and u know it
2007-03-18 22:22:34 · answer #8 · answered by djizz 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋