I have urges to cheat on my husband, what is wrong with me?

Question

I love my husband with all of my heart and I have never cheated on him. I thought about it once or twice but never. I feel like I am the one always starting foreplay. When we go to bed he always wants me to hold him but he never holds me when I want him to. I massage his back everynight as well. If I don't he gets upset. When I ask for the same attention I give him he says I never hold him ect. ect. but I do, I do everything. Kissing, playfully touching when we pass each other it's all me, maybe once in 1 month he will. I recently ran into my ex fiance, we broke up not by either of our choice I still consider him a great friend and he cares about me so muche. I want to see him and talk to him badly I just cant wait. But I am afraid I may be intimate with him. I want him back in my life as a friend but because of how my husband is treating me I think it may push me into my ex's arms. What can I do to keep my ex as a friend and find a way to satisfy my intimacy needs?

Answer 1

You need to be open with your husband. Once your husband knows how you feel and that it may push you to be unfaithful, he will be at your command. He will be a little more appreciative. I was having the same problem now i'm center of attention all the time. As for your ex don't dare let me back into your life, you don't want temptation to take over. You'll end up with a divorce. Don't ruin your marriage. Just be more open with your husband. Trust me he'll be at your feet.

Answer 2

I'm married too and the lack of intimacy you are experiencing sounds familiar! There are plenty of ups and downs in the intimacy department when you are married. Sometimes as women we do have to do a lot of the work to keep things going!
I think it is imperative that you first find a way to satisfy your intimacy needs and the balance of give and take with your husband. He needs to understand that you have needs and it's not just about him. It's evident you like to be desired and chased after. Who doesn't? Has he always been this way? Have you been married long? If you've always been the initiator, chances are, this is just his style. If this is something new, and he's paying less attention to you, you may have issues going further than intimacy and compatibility. Talk to him first before turning to your ex as a "friend". Tell your husband where his negligence is leading you. Remember, once you cross the line you can never, ever go back. If you cross that line, you'll likely never forgive yourself and as a result, you may distance yourself and never have the chance to have the intimacy you want with your husband. If your husband isn't willing to make any changes in the intimacy department, maybe you need to evaluate your options altogether. Intimacy is crucial in a relationship and if he's leaving you out in the cold, what do you have?

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with you! There is nothong wrong per se with being tempted, the problem is giving in to that temptation!
Talk to your husband about the intimacy problems you are experiencing. There is a great book called The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner which is sensitively written for married couples. Remeber that you and your husband are in this together for better or worse and that you ex is an ex for a reason! The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but it rarely is.

Answer 4

Whatever you do don't sleep with ur ex or anyone else. Do you truly want your marriage to work? If the answer is YES then cheating on ur husband is weak and selfish. Marriage is damned hard work, u cant go off and sleep with any Tom Dick or Harry when the going gets tough ! TALK, TALK, TALK. Get ur feelings out in the open and be honest with him.

If you think your marriage won't last the distance then get a backbone and leave ur husband before you shag anyone else.

As the wife of someone who cheated I urge you to consider your husbands feelings. Affairs are truly destructive and pure selfishness by the people involved. I have been through hell and your husband sounds like a decent bloke who loves you.

Have a heart, love him exclusively or leave him before you do anything stupid. Good luck and try and be honest with yourself and do the right thing.

Answer 5

God this sounds like me! I would have to say marriage counselling. You and your hubby need to learn how to communicate again. I could have walked away from my marriage.Or had an affair. I was so desperate for intimacy ( not talking sex). We lost our way. We are now having counselling and it is putting the fun back in us. I dont know what the outcome will be. But if you truly love him than you have to try everything to get to where you want to be. If you cheat on him there will be no going back. I REALLY understand where you are coming from and its horrid. I am going through the same thing just at a different stage. If you want to email me you can. I wish you all the best. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well Nectory, i had the same urge as you did 3 years back, guess what I'm in alot of guilt. I thought I could stop my feeling but eventually it became a disaster. You have to understand that the intimacy of your husband is a problem. Tell him the truth of your feelings than telling him you had slept with someone else right what you think??which is easier. if he still have not changed that you need some pampering than I guess you should see another part of your life that is do you have a child??If you do breaking up your marriage will be very very messy. So whatever rectify your problem now talk to your husband before its too late dear....

Answer 7

You may have heard it all before on here, but try marriage guidance/couples counselling for you and your hubby before making any rash moves with regards your ex partner. Having an affair is NOT the way to sort things out. If you do not manage to sort the intimacy issues out with your hubby, via COMMUNICATION, then do the correct thing and get a separation, pending a divorce--a tad harsh i know, but less devastating than going behind his back with your ex--(who i suspect is just 'waiting in the wing's' for you to give the go-ahead)--or anyone else. The very fact that you have thought about cheating "once or twice" in your marriage suggests that you are on the way to becoming a cheat--if you love your hubby as you say you do, then get help before this happen's.

Answer 8

It certainly does NOT mean that you don't love your husband! It means you are a human being.

Everyone is tempted at some point (even if only for a second). That's natural. The important thing is whether you act upon this or not. You can't control being attracted to someone. You CAN control what you do about it. It's only when you go ahead and act upon those urges that it becomes a problem.

Have you tried talking to your husband and explaining how you are feeling? (Personally, I'd leave the part about your ex out!)

Answer 9

Your husband sounds a bit selfish and caught up in his own needs, have you considered maybe some couples counselling if hes not listening to you when you approach the subject? Re your ex, this is very risky, bringing him back into your life, esp at this point when youre a little low. however, everyone needs friends and as he knows you so well, it could work. Just make sure youre SURE you wont cheat on your husband. Good luck xx

Answer 10

Uhm, okay...this is why couples need to have lots of sex before marriage or at least be experienced enough to give a proper veiw of how they expect intimacy to go.

You need to talk to your husband about how you feel. Don't just whine that you always initiate intercourse. I know personally, that would mean what? A good observation! You have to tell him out right how always being the one to initiate sex feels. Perhaps the problem is that your sex drive is higher than his and you're asking for it before he even has a chance to think about wanting sex!

As for your urge to cheat, that's normal and okay, but acting on it? Not so much. If you can't trust yourself to stay away from crossing the cheater line, perhaps you should stay away from your ex lover until you can develop a better sense of self control.