ive just found out my girlfriend is bisexual but she feels uncomfortable with her sexuality she has "been" with a girl once but is ashamed of it she says she enjoyed it but will not tell me who the girl was or what they did we have spoke about it and she has suggested we have a threesome and she is looking for a suitable girl even though she will not talk about it i like the idea of this but dont think she will be happy about it afterwards and so i am putting it off how can i help her to become comfortable with all of this without rushing into anything
2007-03-18 21:14:23 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
don't do it, and if she does it without you there she is a cheater, unless you allow it
2007-03-18 21:17:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say that you are lucky that she is only a girlfriend. Imagine what a mess this might have become for you and her if you were married? This period of uncertainty can be very tricky in that she may be wavering between being a bisexual or a total lesbian. She probably doesn't know this yet. Supposing through these indulgences she comes across a female partner who steals her heart away? What if she finds herself really attracted, attracted enough to be with another girl permanently? What do you think will happen to you?
Now I am all for being supportive, friendly and caring and the rest of this blah, blah, blah stuff, but never forget that this should not be only about her. I say this only because you appear to be taking the onus for being the tower of strength here and you may be the one who might end up getting the shaft. Do you love her enough to go through that possibility as well? Now that would be a true test of a character! In which case, she would be an idiot to "test the waters," so to speak.
My suggestion, and I say this even though I am a lesbian myself, is to let her figure all this out herself. When she is done, then and only then, you will know where you stand with her. And you should be prepared for everything, including being without her. It would be very noble of you to be happy for her, but your happiness should count as well.
2007-03-19 07:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by Tanya B VT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great how you're dealing with the situation. Probably the best way to help her right now is to help her with her sexuality. Talk to her and be there for her as she struggles to discover and accept herself. Don't push her too hard or for the wrong reasons. Make sure the focus is on her happiness. Once that hill is climbed, go from there. If it turns out to be just curiosity then continue the relationship as normal. If she is bi then decide if you two want to be monogamous or polygamous. If she turns out to be a lesbian, then feel good that you were able to make a positive effect in someone's life and go on just being friends.
2007-03-19 05:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're doing the right things: thinking of her and your relationship first, taking it slow, letting her find the girl, slowing it down when you sense a potential problem.
Try this aproach: you don't ever bring it up, but when she does, at the end of the conversation kiss her, tell her you love her, and thank her for all she's done. Tell her that you apreciate all she's done and that she is the best woman in the world. It will communicate to her: (a) that she is your focus, (b) that you're not fixated on it, (c) that you're open to it, and (d) you won't let it come between the two of you.
2007-03-19 16:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you not to do that, but I recommend not having a threesome. It would be belitting to your girlfriend because you'd be with two at once. It's like she has no real worth to you. Helping her to be more comfortable with her sexuality is an entirely different issue. I can relate to your girlfriend, because I, myself, am a bisexual female. But I'm taken.
2007-03-19 12:54:30 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren Nachtyr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! Threesomes ruin so many relationships. Your girlfriend seems really confused. I think she needs to do a lot of self-analyzation.
2007-03-19 04:20:13 · answer #6 · answered by lover of life 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
when you have a one on one talk. ask her if "who" does she prefer most.. and ask her what she generally feel on each. then talk about it and decide on ways both of you could work out to help her.
2007-03-19 04:19:08 · answer #7 · answered by skye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋