I think my marriage is falling apart!?

Question

Well I've been married for 6 yrs. and we have a 2 yr. old daughter together. Well the thing is my husband keeps deploying overseas voleentarily. Our daughter has no idea who he is. He never askes about her. He says thats because I always tell him. So I stoped saying anything about her. It's been four months and he's not asked a single thing about her. So today I asked if he wanted to speak to her. His reply was well no cause I have to go. Another thing is he's supposedly overseas for money. But this is his second tour. I've offered many options. He could stay here and we both get jobs. He could join full time and we could move together. So I gave him an ultamitum if he leaves again i want a divorce. I told him I married him to be with me not gone all the time. First he said he has to do this to get money. But today he said he just doesnt like the states anymore. I love him thats the hard part. I know i should wait till he gets home but some opinions and/or advice would be great thanks!

Answer 1

wow-what a difficult situation, but it doesnt sound good. seems as if your hubby already made up his mind and is leading his life without thinking about you and his daughter. its not even normal not to inquire about his daughter. you need a heart to heart talk with him and decide what to do...right now, your marriage isnt even a marriage.

Answer 2

Something is definitely not right here. He has something going on somewhere else and he's not telling you about it. I don't necessarily mean he is being unfaithful however, that is an option here. Have you point blank asked him what is up? Does he evade your questions? It's rare you hear of someone in the service who says they HATE the states. They are fighting for this country and most soldiers are proud to do just that. Yet he signed up for a second tour? Hmm, I would suggest you talk to a lawyer and ask your husband if he wants the marriage to end. If he says yes, then you know. If he jumps around the question or acts like you are crazy for asking, I would start doing my own checking up on him. Another thing is, what part of the military is he in? Is he in the infantry and has seen a lot of horrible things? Maybe he is afraid something will happen to him and he is just worried and afraid to get to know his daughter because he might not be around to raise her. You need to do some soul searching here and try to get to the bottom of this. I hope you don't have to endure anymore pain that you already have.

Answer 3

You mentioned about you both should get jobs, why don't you look into trades that are needed in the country he is currently working in and do some paid training save the cash for a plane ticket and place your name down for organizations looking for people to work in the country he is in. Then you can join him also make extra money renting out your house while you are both away that will create more income for both of you also it will still give you the option to return to the U.S if you both want to, You never know you might also fall in love with the country he is working in. I'm a American who moved to Australia and made my home here and it was the best decision I ever made. A lot of people make judgments on things and places they don't know about. Also absents makes the heart grow fonder. You mention you love him very much and if he is doing this for you and his daughter he must love you just as much to make life better for all of you, Look into what I said you might surprise yourself by taking the first step to change your situation and be by your husbands side than loosing someone you really and dearly love. Go Girl !

Answer 4

You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him how the daughter is reacting to his overseas voluntary work. Tell him that your daughter needs him around. Does he ever care for your daughter at all? Or is he the biological father? If he is, then get him to sit down and talk about it. Tell him you still love him and want to work things out before it is too late. Maybe help him to get a job in your town area or look for a job some place. Try to solve this problem together and be a family. He will realise that he is needed. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

would you be willing to go overseas? If so, then you can try to transfer somewhere other than the states- say Japan or Korea or Guam or somewhere like that. Anyhoo, Have you asked him why he wants to go overseas so much? Ask him if he is proud to have a family? Those kind of things, men need to be asked. Ultimatums make us defensive and standoffish. Tell him how you feel and ask him his opinion. Every guy wants that!!!!

Answer 6

Go to a therapist. Mine helps me to make decisions and see different points of view. Sounds like you are so lonely, your daughter deserves a dad and a happy mom. Sounds like your husband doesn't know what he's missing. Hope everything works out. Marriage counseling is a definite must. I hate it that you feel so bad. Good luck

Answer 7

My Grandson is doing the same thing. I told my grand daughter in law to give him a ultimatum. Judging him by his past I would say he's got something on the line in the East and is playing both ends of the stick. Your hubby may be doing the same.

She has his money tied up, I told her to take it all out and put it in her name then keep putting it in her name but tell him it's over. Let them put the money in her name, let him play his games. I know what he's doing.

Answer 8

i understand what you're dealing with. i've got been in the process the comparable. i'd propose which you do no longer attempt and cover your thoughts from the two of them. Anger and thoughts of betrayal are typical. they are in a particularly terrible place too now, yet with a view to make the splendid judgements for themselves and for you they could understand the way you sense and what you're questioning. thoughts are working warm and that they are going to probable say and do issues which they are going to be apologetic approximately. Your mom desires to run away, this is typical. i'm guessing, in view which you do no longer prefer to bypass away, which you like your Dad and the placement the place you reside. it is good you instructed her you do no longer prefer to pass. in case you prefer her to hearken to, honesty (blunt honesty) is often maximum suitable. My mom and father seperated: my Dad have been given remarried and my mom has jumped from relationship to relationship. it is been an fairly bumpy journey yet i will say that i've got come out of all of it splendid and a lots extra appropriate man or woman. Your mom and father nevertheless love you. issues could look chaotic and dark splendid now, yet I promise that it will get extra appropriate.

Answer 9

He isnt leaving you with much choice. Just try not to show your saddness around your child because THEY are the ones affected by divorces. Doesnt sound liek he cares or loves his own child, just imagin how he would treat her when she grows older. MY childhood was tainted by this vary thing :( Good luck feeling suck sometimes.

Answer 10

I am proud of you that you told him to make a choice because if you stay with a man who treats you with such disregard and is never there for you its crazy. You will be lonely and each year that goes by you will be more and more unhappy...i would think about moving on if you can and find a man who will be there for you.