i have been estranged from my youngest son [23] for 2 years, yesterday i recieved a lovely card and flowers?

Question

my new husband [not my sons dad] is so annoyed that i want to see him,he stole money from me [£600] and he never apolgised,he has said he can not come into our home, what should i do

Answer 1

he is your son, what more can I say, he is your son.
you need to talk with him about what he did, give him a chance.

Answer 2

I think you know deep down what the right thing to do is.

Be strong and don't let your new husband dictate to you. I'm sure he thinks he has ur best interests at heart. Your son has clearly caused a lot of anxiety and heartache and he is perhaps trying to protect you from more of the same.

You should take this olive branch with both hands. Life and children are too precious for estrangements and all that nonsence.

How about meeting up with him at a neutral venue and see how things pan out ? I wish you all the best of luck. You never know ... you may get your money back with an apology!!

Answer 3

I can understand that your husband does not want him in your home, however can you arrange to meet your son somewhere, like at a park or restaurant to find out what his intentions are? He needs to apologize to you and your husband and he needs to pay back the money he stole. But in order for this to happen, you have to provide a way for him to communicate with you. I think maybe your husband is being a little hard nosed about this because it's not his child. At age 23, it's possible that your son is beginning to mature and wants to make restitution. As a parent you must always allow enough space for forgiveness in your heart. But then, you already knew that didn't you. Good Luck.

Answer 4

has he paid you back the money yet if so its time to forgive if not you will have to meet in private without your husband knowing if you want to see him this must be very hard for you as its easier for fathers to turn there backs than it is for mothers but would he do the same if it was his son or daughter your son must feel some guilt as he got you the card and flowers his way of saying sorry i suppose.do you know where your son lives if so visit him there your husband said he doesn't want him in the house it doesn't mean you have to stop seeing him sons are always doing something to unset there mums buy there still family at the end of the day and i bet deep down you really miss and love him and the same with him .i wish you both my best wishes .

Answer 5

at the end of the day only you can answer this question as you will have to deal with the consequences, if you get in touch with your son your hubby will feel you have gone behind his back and don't respect him on the other hand your son may have changed and want to make amends and if you don't grab this opportunity you may be wondering what if the rest of your life, i suppose you will have to sit your hubby down and explain how much this means to you and it was you not him that he stole the money from, maybe your hubby is trying to protect you from any further hurt but if you explain you will feel hurt not meeting him maybe he can give you moral support and keep an extra close eye on your son...if it was me i would think about if i was strong enough to deal with it and did i love my son enough to give him a second go....good luck it is never easy where family is concerned...i hope it all works out fine for you...

Answer 6

I know someone who stopped speaking to his son after his son stole his car & ripped his jacket... He spent 10? years beating himself up, missing his son every day, wondering where he was, what he was up to... His sister told him he had been seen sleeping in the bus station cos he was homeless... but still he refused to forgive his son... Then there was a funeral & as he drove in, he saw his son standing by the chapel... He got out of the car, rushed over to his son; they had an almighty hug- both crying... then they stopped speaking to each other again!!!
How wierd!
I guess some men don't listen to their hearts...
cos £ signs govern their life...
I have often wanted to scream at him about his callousness to his own child... but opted instead for short, kind sentences to try & give him something to think about... that didn't work...
so perhaps us women need to feel more conviction about the need for more compassion in society...
so if I were in your shoes, I'd respond with natural motherly love & kindness (forgiveness!)
but I would also be a little bit careful just in case the flowers are a ploy...
which could be what your partner is worried about...
& meet in a neutral place & keep a check on your handbag (so he can't take anything again).

May I enquire why your son had to resort to stealing??

Answer 7

If your son stole the money from you he needs to pay it back, for his own sake, to become a responsible person. I can understand your husband not wanting him around.

Since you haven't talked to him for 2 years, you don't really know what's in his mind. I would have him over, with my husband there, and tell him I loved him, and want him to start making payments, no matter how small, to show that he's going to be responsible.

Maybe he doesn't want to do that. Then just enjoy the flowers anyway, but don't make plans for the relationship. Your new husband may be afraid he's buttering you up, to try to take from you again...and it's possible he could be right.

So enoy the card and flowers! It's nice that your son sent it, anyway.

Answer 8

Thats your baby and your right as a mother to have a normal relationship with your child, if that is what you want. Personally i would not let my partner, real dad or not, come in between us. Saying that i wouldnt expect my husband to make it a problem to see my son, whatever he did.
Clearly your son needs to explain himself, but give it a go while you can. Dont make it a secret though, tell your husband that you intend to see him.
Dont fall out over money, its never worth it. Perhaps you say to your son that you would like to see him again, but he has to start giving you some money? Whichever way you go about it, good luck and do what you want, not what someone else wants you to do.

Answer 9

hun that is your SON you do not think about yourself and your husband anymore its all about him i don't care if he's 40 he is the first thing that is supposed to be on your list!! he is your life! what if something happens to him and you didnt have him by your side or say that you love him or even get to hug him.. just b/c im guessing you NEW hubby dont like him. you will always have that on your mind!! please dont push your son away just b/c he did something wrong that is the stupidest thing ever. maybe he did it for a reason he cant say or maybe he was just being stupid and just took it but that still is and will always be your son! you never push him away you always want to fix things not say "oh well this just didnt work out so sorry son im picking this new guy over you its what he thinks is right so bye".. i have no idea why you are listening to your husband and he's not even your sons dad. this is supposed to be a together thing not a HUSBAND thing not a "oh well whatever you say hun".

plus didnt you say you got flowers and a card ok well there you go he is saying sorry in his own words since he cant go to your house ever and say it to you!!

Answer 10

Hi hun,

I feel for you i really do, but at the end of the day he is your son and no one can come between that.

Obviously there is a line to be drawn but that should be by YOU not your husband. Your son obviously wants to make ammends but £600 is a lot to steal! he will know he was wrong and this may be his way of saying sorry!

He is your son, dont lose him, they are the most precious things in our lives, we made them we should look after and be there for them, dont lose any more years with your son but do let your husband know, secrets dont really go well in marriage so have a talk and let him know your feelings... go by your instincts, have no regrets... we only live once.

Good luck chick x

Answer 11

It is part of being a mother to forgive and forget the mistakes that the children make. I understand why you want to meet up with your son. It is only natural, and your new husband has to agree on that. However, you need to be cautious as people rarely change drastically. Once a thief, there is a chance that your son my still be tempted to remove "items" without permission. My mum just told me that my nephew (18, who lives with her and his mum) has been repetitively stealing her car during the night. And in the past, he stole cigarettes and money.

I think you need to clarify issues you had in the past and, possibly, start afresh as adults. He is certainly old enough for this.

Good luck, you have my moral support