I was with my boyfriend for 3 years before he proposed 2 months ago and I accepted. About a week ago he told me he was physically abused as a child and I feel so betrayed by the fact that he didn’t tell me sooner. We’re supposed to be getting married and he’s been keeping a secret like that from me for 3 years. I had every right to know and I just don’t know how I can trust him after this. Where do we go from here?
2007-03-18 20:41:36 · 15 answers · asked by Macy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would say from this question your to immature to be getting married so i would wait till i was an adult enough to realize how hard something like that would be to say so for his sake grow up or don't get married
2007-03-18 20:57:20 · answer #1 · answered by Amy M 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you aware of just how hard that might of been for him to tell you? Why are you being this way? Your acting as tho your the victim here! Instead of having a fit about you not knowing until now, feel good that he finally came to terms with trusting you enough to tell you! Don't you think your being a LOT insensitive? I mean think about it! Your not him, and you two do not have the same emotions!! He is his own person, you cannot control someone else for goodness sake!! You need to chill out, or your marriage won't be lasting very long. Give him a break, and love him, sounds like he missed out on love as a child!!
2007-03-19 03:53:20 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hey comon now don't act childish. Ok. He trust U that's y he told U so. Maybe he taught U will feel bad that's Y he didn't told U b4. N he was ur friend for 3 years but got in more serious relation 4 only 2 months. So it takes time to get open. Don't feel betrayed.
2007-03-19 04:33:18 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me 8 months ago.
BUT....Instead of feeling "betrayed" by his news, I felt sorry for him having this happen to him and also by his feeling so bad about it for sooo long.
What did I do? I hugged him, thanked him for trusting me with such a BIG issue and told him I loved him even more now.
Result? He's relieved, happier and feels he can trust me even more now.
If you love him, let him know.
If you cannot handle this information, let him go.
The last thing he needs is to be made like it was his fault in the first place.
How would you feel if the tables were turned? If you had been abused and you finally had the guts to tell your fiance about it and they freaked out and blamed you???
2007-03-22 23:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your damn problem girl!!!!! I am surprised that he told you at all. I am sure you have not revealed every thing to him either. Now you are going to go and make a big deal about this (one way or another) More than 50% of the kids are abused in some way. You should be happy he can even commit and trust another person. Evidently he came to peace with it in his mind. Now get on with your life with him and be good or get out.
2007-03-19 03:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That could be a bright sight also, and its a good thing he did atleast tell you before the marriage and not after the marriage and love is not about the days and nights and years, but about the joys, sighs and tears, there is still time to talk to him and resolve things, and a positive attitude willl help you in this case, be a little more patient and understanding and try to get the relationship back, and its difficult to let go off such situations..talk to him and make things work...
2007-03-19 03:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by Aditude 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have got to be kidding????!!!!! This man trusts you with something so painful and you are pissed??? You don't deserve him... I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for him and this is how supportive you are. Being a wife is a lot harder, if you can't put loving arms around your man now you won't be a very good wive during the hard times. Let him go and find a woman who will support him or grow up and beg for forgiveness.
2007-03-19 03:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your boyfriend meant to hurt you and as for telling you about this before, maybe it wasn't easy for him to tell you at all, but now that he has proposed, he is probably thinking, ok, we are going to be getting married, so I will tell her what happened to me as a child. It is not easy for someone who has gone through physical/sexual/mental abuse to talk about it and he probably thought that now would be a good time to tell you. Take it easy on him - he could have chosen not to tell you at all. I really don't think this is about trust, but more or less, it's about him finally being able to talk about it. I hope this helps. God Bless You both!!
2007-03-19 03:51:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
that was very hard for him to tell you. he has been living with it all his life and decided that you were the one person that he trusted enough to tell. it was not a shot at you or your relationship. it was a security thing with him and you should respect that. it is no different than a rape victim not telling anyone not even the closest family for fear of being ridiculed and thought to have deserved it. you had no right to know till he was comfortable sharing it and you need to realize that. it was his secret to share.
2007-03-19 03:49:49 · answer #9 · answered by wlfbelcher 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It was probably very hard for him to tell you that! Going through abuse can be embarrasing and hard for people to talk about, even with the ones they love. Give him a break, he didn't do anything wrong. It probably took a lot of courage for him to tell you. You should be there for him and help him cope with his past.
2007-03-19 03:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋