What more can I bear,
I struggle with life day by day,
Wondering how all this ever began,
Wondering when all this pain will ever end.
Tears stream from my eyes,
Like the river flows through the valley,
My heart aches,
It feels like swords are being pierced into me,
I feel so frightened and so helpless,
I can’t defend myself,
And trying is useless.
Sometimes death flashes before me,
But I remember my pride and joy that I live for,
My son,
And now I have another reason to continue with life,
I have your love.
From the first moment we spoke,
It felt right
And each day after we cared more for each other,
And now our love is unbreakable,
It is as strong as the roots of an oak tree,
Buried so deep and travels so far into the ground.
I want to give my all to you,
And be forever true to you,
This hurt I feel now,
Will be happiness with you,
But patient I will remain until I have you in my arms,
And never let you go,
As long as you want the same.
2007-03-18 18:10:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Beautiful....
Very expressive, descriptive and meaningful.
I like the content, but you don't have an extremely good pattern in the layout of the verses...
It's metaphorical though... that's always useful.... it makes poems sound way better....
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Keep those creative juices going!!!!!
2007-03-18 21:37:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need the word "ever" in this line "Wondering when all this pain will ever end."
Also the last two stanza confuse me. Is your love unbreakable or just forming?
You have a great start here and I love the emotion you are showing, Just try to keep the line clear, so I know what is going on. I can feel the confusion of a new relationship starting, but the second to the last stanza makes it sound as if the relationship is established and strong, then the last stanza shows confusion again.
Keep up the good work though, you almost have it.
2007-03-19 01:24:08 · answer #2 · answered by justweird_sodeal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very depressed and disillusioned. A therapist would probabaly be of some help to you. In the meantime, try working on your self-esteem.
2007-03-19 01:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by Rain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like my compressed Haiku version of your poem better
I used to be sad
Then I had a baby boy
Now I am happy
cheers! maybe next time
2007-03-19 01:18:14 · answer #4 · answered by adklsjfklsdj 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depressingly monotonous.
2007-03-19 01:26:41 · answer #5 · answered by littlechrismary 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great poem, i liked the emotions of this piece
2007-03-19 01:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by SugaLova 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the other girl stool my style
oh i love the poem
2007-03-19 01:14:46 · answer #7 · answered by someone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok. still needs some work but it's very emotional. keep writing.
peace
2007-03-19 01:17:50 · answer #8 · answered by Shadow Lark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great!
2007-03-19 01:13:17 · answer #9 · answered by omygosh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋