Would you ever come back or not?

Question

If my son & I move away for awhile to live w/my parents(my husband's idea to "save money" -not mine...we have no choice now b/c we have to be out of our apartment b/c he gave them notice already) should I consider moving back if or when he gets ready for us to? I would want it to work especially for our son's sake b/c I want him to be happy, but I also want him to have a stable, secure life. Would it be worse to move away & not ever move back in w/my husband or to move back someday after having lived apart for awhile? I want to do what is best for my son, not just myself. BTW, I'm pretty sure my husband is or at least was cheating on me, but he denies it. What would be the best thing for my son? And if you say you would move back, how much time would you give him to ask you to come back? And if you say you'd never move back, would you just go ahead and file for divorce right away?

I do have a full time job and I have worked our whole marriage.

Answer 1

It's very obvious that you want to make it work and the days are counting down before you move in with your parents. Talk with him and let him know the consequences of you all living apart and ask him if he's ready to accept that. Write down those consequences and if he can accept it without blinking an eye, then you have to do whats best and prepare yourself to be emotionally strong and financially strong for your son.
I wouldn't want no one that doesn't want me. Don't let him think you are a Yo-Yo that can spring back at his convenience.
If you want a man to respect you, he has to know that you respect yourself. You might be indirectly annoying him by being so passive. Put your foot down and tell him "All or Nothing". Ask him, instead of splitting up the family, lets get a less expensive apartment together? If he rejects that idea, then he is deliberately trying to push you out the picture. Show this man that you have a spine!!!!! You seem so sweet and i really hope he does the right thing.

Answer 2

What a poor excuse to have you move back to your parents.There is more to this than meets the eye and you've already said that he's cheated on you.
Your first priority has to be your son and you already know that a stable secure enviroment is what he needs.That is what is best for him.
His father sounds like a poor excuse for a man.Having two parents is not always best.Having a stable reliable mother is.
I would never go back even if he begged me to.You're well rid of him and you deserve more than he's giving you.You deserve to be loved and respected.
Of course he's not going to admit he's cheating and trust me he won't be saving any money.Make sure he helps you monetarily with your son.
I would be talking with a lawyer so you get the proper advice and then file for divorce. You and your son deserve the best.
I wish you both health and much happiness.Good Luck.

Answer 3

Good question. You have alot going on here. But one common thread I like hearing from you is what is best for your son. Unless you are very very sure that your husband is cheating, I would not file for divorce. Maybe there is some things I am not understanding, but I would think he would need a very good reason for you not to be together as a family not matter how tough things were. You need to talk with you husband about what is best for the kid and I would take the theme that maybe the two of you need to work some things out in your marriage, but that is best done while giving the kid and two parent home. If he is any kind of man and father he should understand that. So attack this from two angles. First, from the stand point that you still love him and want to work things out with him in the marriage. Second that for you two to work things out, it is in the best interest of your son. He deserves the best he can get and that means the two of you together in one house......Good Luck!

Answer 4

When kids are involed you want to think twice. You didnt just picked a baby from the street so You husband needs to stand up and be part of his life. He made this choose and not your son, and so do you need better life to. YOu tell your husband that a family that prays toghther stays toghther. No matter waht you all nedd to stay toghther unless you want to leave him because of the hardship. Even that is not a excuse because you cant run away from the life but you can fix it. I see that you are good in computer and you can do some work from home. You can go to school or try some home business from internet. Go to section 8 and ask help, till you both can stand on your own. Give time like tell yourself I want to be earning whatever in a month and work throug it.

Answer 5

He wants you out of the picture so he can mess around, the money thing is a bunch of BS, your married then you both should find a way (if your both in love still) to be together no matter what the situation is. He is looking for a way to let you go out of his life slowly, so it doesn't look like he is doing anything wrong.
You have to make the decision on whether you want to wait and see if he is really just moving you out because of the money or not, then make a decision from that perspective. Go with your instinct, they are usually right on target, and you know if he's messing around, it's a feeling, and it's usually correct. Good luck to you, hope you find your answers soon, and the happiness you deserve.

Answer 6

I think you know the answer already. Not once in your letter did you say you still loved your husband did you? Lets not be naive hes dumping you so he can play with his mistress. You mentioned you had a full time job...If so move to a place with your son that you can afford. Next go to social services and c what kind of benefits you r entitled to. In most state the spouse with guardianship can request child support and alimony even if you r not married. Finally,get an attorney and dump the bum...

Answer 7

Personally, I would move in with your parents, and hire an investigator to do some spying on you. Once it is documented and you think about your future, Confront him with the evidence and offer hiim your thoughts on a solution.....divorce or his family....

...keep the evidence, if he decides to jump ship on you the courts will frown upon him. It is better for your child to learn that infidelity is unnacceptable behaviour and that women are indeed worth the effort.

If your husband wants to work this out, then he has to be VERY convincing through ACTIONS...not words ask your parents if he can join you there.

Insist on a marriage Therapist....as he fails to see the potential impact of his alleged actions.

If he isn't, and hasn't cheated, then I would go to a therapist and ask him to go with you to talk about your
insecurities....it is always good to develop communication techniques.....it elps keep emotional barriers from forming...and helps you two grow closer.

Most importantly, Keep the child's best interests in mind.

Fresh starts are a decision away....I'd do what I could to work on it.

Answer 8

You should follow your instincts. This guy sounds like he's a control freak and makes decisions w/o consulting you. He sounds like the kind of guy who wants to live apart so "he can save money", but really isnt ready to committ and be mature. You say you want your son to have a "stable" and "secure" life. Well, it doesnt sound like this guy is too stable. Id file...get proof of his infidelity beforehand, move home and then drop the divorce bomb on his ***. True love shouldnt make you worry like this.

Answer 9

I would go with my heart and only you know your heart. I personally wouldn't go back and it sounds like he doesn't really want the relationship to succeed either.However I don't know the two of you and I certainly know the added pressures of having children being a mother of three. Only you can know what's best for you and your son. It is easy for people to judge from the outside but you have to live with what ever decisions you make. Take it slow and do what you feel to be best for you. I wish you all the best of luck for the future. You have a lot of difficult decisions to make but it sounds like you are a strong woman and your priorities (your son) are in the right place. Once again best of luck and I wish you happiness in the long run.

Answer 10

It seems that you are asking questions that only you can answer. Children are resilient, if you are not in a relationship that is emotionally,or physically abusive, however financially insecure that you all may be, it can still be a healthy household. I do not see that moving back in once your hubby gets his financial house in order a rea issue. The real issue is why did you marry your husband in the first place? Was it for financial security? Well, it seems so, because you are fickled now. All marriages come with challenges, you can either rise to them, or bow out. Either way it is your personal choice, not your childs. Be responsible for your actions and stop hididng behind someone that cannot defend themselves.