Why Are People Hesitant To Talk About Painful Things?

Question

Why does this dynamic exist? Should we all be more open to talking about anything?

Answer 1

Talking about pain is healing. If you have troubles talking about things that cause pain you will harbor them. All that negative energy will effect your everyday life.

Answer 2

There are many reasons people are "hesitant" to talk about painful things. Often, they feel they don't want to bring someone "down." Or, some people assume painful things are a "request" for help that either they can't, or don't want to give. In some cases, talking about pain seems to compound it by confirming it. Sometimes it's a matter of the sense of "privacy" in someone. I wouldn't call it a "dynamic" or suggest we should be more open. It is more a matter of personal choice, and/or selectivity.

Answer 3

Because nowadays people are taught by society to be individual. People want to hear from others only when they're doing fine! People are tired of hearing others "complain"... People have forgotten the point of sharing pain and helping each other through pain. Yes we should all be more open to talk about anything: real thing, true feelings... authentic feelings.

Answer 4

People who are too quick to talk about painful things are often looking for sympathy or attention. Such behavior forces you to either show sympathy and offer help or to appear insensitive and risk a loss of face with your friends. If one shares painful things in one's own life too often, it might lead to the label "drama queen" or "drama king" and have the opposite effect of the one intended.

Personally, I withhold the details of large painful things that happen to me (unless it is under appropriate circumstances), because I do not like to be pitied. I feel that another's pity casts me as helpless in their eyes and opens the door to the "victim mentality" that I strive to avoid. If I talk about painful things, it is usually in commiseration or as an example of what to do in a certain situation to cope with difficulties. The really painful ones I am silent about in order not to overreact to the memories; that would be inappropriate in polite company (of course psychologists often try to get you to do this for them).

It also tends to put a damper on things if you tell a joke that dredges up a painful memory for someone; if that person then tells you of the painful connection, then you feel bad and the mood is broken for everyone. Some people just do not wish to be the bringdown of the party.

Another reason would be fear of hurting someone who is sensitive. My mother-in-law talks about nothing but death and problems and gossips about bad things to the exclusion of all else. I've learned many buzzwords to avoid. Unfortunately, I have to avoid talking about family members who have died, because that starts a litany and lament, instead of a pleasant reminiscence of better times. She just can't see death as a natural thing, whereas I see it differently; but no one can reach her, so everyone tries to avoid saying things that will set her off. I'm sure many of you know someone like this. It is unfortunate to have to accommodate her in this manner, but the alternative is to be dragged into a depressing abyss of everyone who has died in the last 50 years and how bad it all is...

Sorry about the rant!

Answer 5

Most people feel a need to be under control and they fear talking about things that may cause them to lose control or even APPEAR to lose control. It's too bad they don't realize the feeling your own emotions is not losing control and isn't a sign of weakness but strength.